CENTS & NONSENSE:The blindfolded girl holds a stick in her tiny hands. She whooshes it through the air until she makes contact with the brightly coloured bull-shaped piñata. Thwack. A harder thwack. No joy. The bigger boy steps up and takes his best hurling-style swing to its cardboard belly. The bull yields, spilling sweets to the grass. Arms and moist fists grasp at the glittering prizes and one another's hair.
Kids' birthday parties are an interesting barometer of society's economic status and emotional health. In some parts of the country, the simple pleasure of a chaotic party in the garden - punctuated by pass the parcel, greasy sausages and Rice Krispies buns - is being replaced by big event days, luncheons at the Four Seasons or hiring a professional dance troupe to teach the little sprogs the latest moves.
If things keep going this way, we'll join the growing horde of Americans who become professional Martha Stewart-esque (minus the insider trading) party planners for every birthday. After an Ivy League education, these very real women give up high-powered careers to organise the children and their husband's work and personal commitments, with military precision and social grace.
At the playground, they hand out Mommy cards. "We'd love to have little Timmy come over for a play date! Here is my card. Directions are printed on the back. We will expect him at 2pm on Tuesday and we'll bundle him out of the house, with a customised thank you bag and scrapbook of the day at 4pm promptly."
When those perfectly pressed moms need to plan a birthday party, they rely on websites such as www.birthdaypartyideas.com.
It says: "Birthday parties for children are getting more elaborate and original every day. Sometimes a kid's birthday party with a simple theme just isn't enough. If you are one of those people who like to create kids' birthday parties that are special and unique, parties that your guests and children will remember forever, then these ideas should help get you on your way to a most unforgettable birthday party."
Please don't get me wrong. Every child should be fussed over and made to feel special on their birthday; it is a rite of passage. But the current financial and social pressures on parents are ridiculous.
In Ireland, a very basic party with bouncy castle or magician starts at €250. Add in the food, balloons, invitations, party favours and sweets, and it all mounts up.
Americans spend thousands on these events. Party idea websites regularly feature testimonies from parental cash-dispensing units who go well beyond the call of their motherly or fatherly programming. One woman who was planning a five-year-old's birthday party stayed up after the kids were asleep to hand-stitch costumes for
20 birthday guests.
We tend to follow trends across the water and keeping up with the Murphys has never been so de rigueur. According to British psychologist Oliver James, this shows we are suffering from a bad case of affluenza. In his recent book of the same name, he says: "Affluenza is the placing of a high value on money, possessions, appearances (physical and social) and fame.
"Many international studies have shown that people who hold such values are at a greater risk of being emotionally distressed - depressed, anxious, substance abusing and personality-disordered."
To ensure that Irish children keep their humility and common sense, I'd like to suggest some alternative and low-cost birthday parties.
You could have a save the earth party. Walk children to Dollymount Strand or any Blue Flag beach and show them how to remove condoms, beer cans and election posters from the sand using sticks. Send their rubbish collection to the newest Green Party TD.
Bring the kids back to the house and show them how to make compost by ripping up old newspapers and mixing them with grass clippings and rotten vegetable peelings. For lunch, tell them to pick the organic berries and lettuce from the back garden. Slugs and ants can also provide a valuable source of protein, since a recent study showed that 15 per cent of middle-class children are undernourished because their parents don't have time to feed them properly.
Try out an alternative modes of transport party. Ask friends to volunteer the following items for the day: a horse, a bicycle, a Dublin rickshaw, an eco-fuel car, roller-blades, a scooter, a sailboat and some new runners.
Give each child one of the items and ask their parents to sign an insurance waiver. The kids must negotiate their way to Liberty Hall in rush-hour traffic. The first person to get there, without dying or suffering serious injury, is awarded a "needs their head examined" medal for even attempting this daring feat.
To save my two kids, aged three and five in June, from one of these parties, please contact me with your low-cost birthday party ideas at the e-mail address below. The whole thing is depressing me.
Margaret E. Ward is a journalist specialising in personal finance and consumer issues. She is also a director of Clear Ink, the Clear English Specialists. Please write to her at: cents@clearink.ie
