All that cash sloshing around the economy has created an avalanche of employment opportunities. Flicking through the head hunting pages of this newspaper's admirable Business This Week supplement is an entertainment in itself, revealing a bewildering variety of jobs on offer, mostly wrapped up in a posturing sub-dialect defying translation into comprehensible English. Sitting in on a reassuringly sane job interview panel this week I chewed on my biro (between the parade of human resources, naturally) daydreaming about what expressions like "team player " and "salary commensurate" really mean.

Let's take a few general examples. Wide-ranging responsibilities: we took all the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them into one job. Dedicated: you're looking at a minimum 80 hours a week until we force you into early retirement. Professional atmosphere: charmless colleagues cloned from a single cell. Salary commensurate: we'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like. Salary negotiable: we'll take the lowest bidder. Competitive salary: we'll pay you a fraction more than your current position. Team player: must fight for recognition alongside obsessively territorial colleagues with rabid personalities. Equal opportunities employer: white males of a certain age need not waste a stamp. Civil Service: this job was filled from the inside six months ago. Outstanding benefits package: health insurance. Word processing skills essential: a tunnel-vision job, high risk of RSI. Communication skills: euphemism for telemarketing. Salary range £24,000 to £30,000: the salary is £24,000. Advancement opportunity: [RO ] lousy job. Entry level: the mother of all lousy jobs. Administrative assistant: a lousy job with a title. Self-starter: open to wide interpretation, since no one really knows what it means. Feel free to add your own.