Most little girls dream of a white wedding, of floating down the aisle in a beautiful gown to marry the love of their life. But for many young couples, getting married is turning into a financial nightmare.

The cost of the average wedding would easily pay for a new car or put a deposit on a house and, increasingly, many couples are having to choose between the wedding of their dreams and the down payment on hearth and home.

The escalating cost of houses, allied to the rising cost of weddings, means paying for both before embarking on married life is beyond the reach of many, even with parental help.

Ms Kim McGuire, a wedding and special events co-ordinator, estimates that the average cost of a wedding last year was between £10,000 (#12,700) and £12,000, while a reader survey in the current edition of Wed- ding Journal puts it at around £10,500 if the honeymoon costs are excluded.

The reception is usually the heaviest expense, costing an average of £5,000 for a wedding party of 100. This is followed by wedding apparel, including the bridal gown and dresses for the bridesmaids, at an average of £1,350 though like most of the elements that go to make up a wedding, the sky is the limit. Hiring a band can prove surprisingly expensive - couples pay hundreds for the troubadours of their choice - while photography and videos come next on the list of expenses.

Industry experts reckon the cost will only get higher as the Republic becomes wealthier and follows the pattern seen in other countries like the US and Britain. However, Wedding Journal's survey of its readers found a few singular Irish traits. Living up to our reputation for hospitality, people here generally tend to invite more guests than in Britain, leading to higher food and drink bills at the reception. Irish brides also like to have all the traditional paraphernalia such as flowers, transport and an official photographer.

The buoyancy of the wedding industry can be seen from the numbers attending the recent Bride of the Year fair at the RDS with 5,500 people turning up over the two-day period. An estimated 17,500 weddings take place in the Republic each year and, at an average cost of £10,000, the industry is worth some £175 million annually. Throw in extra costs like engagement parties, bridal showers, hen and stag nights and wedding gifts and the figure is much higher.

Traditionally, the cost of the wedding is borne by the bride's parents but increasingly, the couple themselves are footing the bill or contributing to the cost. Industry experts say parents, particularly those with a few daughters, should start saving early if they intend paying for their weddings.

University costs may be falling - at least for those living at home - but the expense involved in seeing your off-spring safely married is rising steadily.

So, for those determined to have the traditional wedding, how do you keep costs down without sacrificing style? First and foremost, as with most matters involving money, planning is key and time is essential to this.

"Typically, a wedding takes seven months to co-ordinate. By allowing 12 months or more, a couple can take advantage of sales for high-ticket items such as the bride's gown or bridesmaid's dresses and can cut costs without cutting corners by making their own invitations and Mass booklets," says Ms McGuire.

With the reception costing £50 per head on average, wedding consultants advise that the guest list be pared back as far as possible without giving offence. By not inviting just four guests, the saving is £200.

If the list needs pruning, children under the age of seven and people who are not personally close to the couple should usually be the first to go.

People should also think of what suits them rather than what is more traditional - it may make sense to have an early wedding followed by a reception with drinks and canapes rather than a full sit-down meal.

Those about to take the plunge are also advised to shop around for the best value. Checking out newcomers to the industry is often a way of getting a bargain as they can be more aggressive in their pricing and innovative in the service they offer.

Increasingly, working mothers and daughters, pressed for time, are employing the services of wedding consultants to sift through the wide range of services on offer. But if you employ a specialist, make sure to find out what they are getting in addition to their basic charge. For example, do they get a cut of the money paid to suppliers such as florists?

Then there are the small savings which can add up surprisingly quickly. Using seasonal flowers, employing a friend's car for transport, re-covering old shoes, hiring bridesmaids' dresses rather than buying them or having a wedding cake that doubles as a dessert can all trim expenses.

The gift issue also deserves consideration. Many couples now marry after years of living together and already own most of the household goods they need or want. As a result, many prefer to get money, rather than presents, which they can put toward a deposit on a house, the cost of the honeymoon or even the wedding itself. It also means they do not end up with two of everything.

However, increasingly many couples are breaking out of the traditional mould altogether and opting for smaller weddings, alternative weddings or marrying abroad.

"What we are seeing is not the death of the traditional wedding but the birth of the personalised wedding," says Ms McGuire who has organised a wedding for a party of five.

A growing number of young people are going for small, intimate weddings, often followed a few weeks later by a large party for all their friends and acquaintances. Instead of plumping for the traditional hotel, couples are considering quality restaurants for smaller wedding parties.

Ms Terry Burns of Wedding Exhibitions Ltd, which provides a wedding consultancy service and also runs wedding fairs, including the recent one at the RDS, says the numbers being invited to weddings in the Dublin area are falling. The numbers attending a typical wedding are down to around 70-80 from 100, she says, while more people are being invited to the "afters".

Marrying abroad has the advantage of allowing couples to combine wedding and honeymoon and also to keep numbers down. In recent years, Irish couples have been going further afield in search of interesting wedding destinations with reports of people marrying in places such as Iceland and Alaska.

But most go for sunnier climes and many travel agencies now offer wedding packages which include both the ceremony and honeymoon. Ms Dawn Westmoreland of Thomas Cook says these start from as little as £600 for two weeks, depending on the place and time of year. Very often the wedding element is free, particularly if a group of eight or more are going.

However, those planning to marry abroad should make sure that their nuptials are valid at home. One way of making certain is to take your own priest along as a number of couples from Lucan did last year.

Father Alan Hilliard, a curate in the new parish of Lucan South, accompanied nine couples from his parish to Rome last August where he married them.

His message to his young parishioners is that the wedding and marriage are two distinct things and those that do not want to go down the traditional route do not have to.

"People trying to buy a home and get set up often want to concentrate on the marriage and leave the wedding hype aside," he says.

At the end of the day, couples should remember that a willing bride and groom, along with two witnesses, is all they really need to tie the knot.