BELTWAY DIARY:One by one, the audience began to stand as I walked back to my seat. When I needed to most, I had done it; I had pulled the rabbit out of the hat. I had no idea how because, as usual, I had not prepared what I was going to say, despite the fact that Gen Colin Powell and Lee Hamilton were the guests of honour in a room filled with 250 leading chief executives and philanthropists.
From behind me, my Indian colleague, Ratish, whispered in my ear: "You see, blondie; it's never over until the fat lady sings." How right he was.
For the rest of the evening, every chief executive and influencer I had wanted to meet in the preceding two months came up, introduced themselves and issued invitations.
Who would have guessed it? After such a rocky start, when so few people were willing to meet me, unsure as they were of the disability business case, I now held a pile of influential business cards in my hands.
It has been an extraordinary two months and it is now coming to an end.
I have been tested and stretched; I have relearnt the art of love-bombing, framing and backdoor manipulation. What began as a sorry tale of self-pity has ended in something far more powerful.
Before the fellowship began, I am ashamed to admit, but subconsciously I had been avoiding going to the next level. Scared of starting all over again, frightened to death of failure I believe now that I was skirting the issue of expansion.
It wasn't until everything that I stood for or believed in was being rejected or misunderstood that I was challenged to take stock and face the demons.
Did I really have what it took to attempt to go the next round? Did I still believe in what I was doing? Was I willing to make the sacrifices it was going to take? I remember the night I made the decision that, no matter what, whether I failed or succeeded, I wanted at least to try.
I was in Phoenix and had phoned my parents, needing desperately to be reassured.
On cue and in harmony they said what I did and did not want to hear. "Nothing worth doing is easy, Caroline. Just because it is hard, does not mean it is time to give up. It is time to work harder" .
When we ended our conversation and my hotel room filled with silence, I sat and looked into space.
I thought about all the mantras I preach - never give up, the darkest hour is before dawn and failure is an opportunity to learn.
I went back through my bank of memories and reminded myself of all the people I had met in the last seven years - business people, people with disabilities, social entrepreneurs, dreamers and adventurers.
I thought about the 23 other fellows that I had met on this Eisenhower programme and, for one moment, I imagined walking away from it all, settling for an easier life, a life not fraught with fears of funding, haggling, risk-taking, cajoling and convincing people, begging and badgering. It could be so much easier.
And the moment I thought of walking away I held firm. It was not an option. We were making a difference and if we could do it in Ireland, why couldn't we do it elsewhere.
All of us, whether in business or in our personal lives, go through moments like these. Moments when we are brought to our knees. I believe these moments are more valuable than any success because they remind us why we do what we do, they spur us on to be better and reinvigorate that all essential passion.
On Friday morning I had my last meeting of the fellowship in the penthouse offices of a venture capitalist on Park Avenue, New York.
After chatting for a while, the man sitting opposite me smiled. "Of course we will help, Caroline, but why didn't you come to me sooner?"
If only you knew, I thought. Instead, I leaned forward and smiled. "I wasn't ready," I replied, "but I am now".
eisenhower@theaislingfoundation.org
Series concludes
