Times are tense in the family home this week as the house is covered with a film of dust, the cupboards are bare and the garden resembles a miniature jungle in the growing season. This is all because the kitchen is undergoing reconstructive surgery at the moment which means it's impossible to find anything anywhere. And even if you find something, there's nowhere else to put it. It certainly can't be cooked or washed because we've no power and the water supply is somewhat basic. The net result is a certain testiness between myself and the man of the house. He has no skin left on his hands following his efforts at removing around a thousand tiles that had been fixed to the walls and floors with some kind of unshiftable cement. I had a major crisis and broke a nail! (I also hammered my thumb, but I was very brave and only screamed beneath my breath.) The cat has abandoned the house and has taken up residence in a neighbour's conservatory, returning home at night to yowl in disapproval at the so-called improvements to his domain.
The man thinks I've been watching too many TV programmes where a team of crack decorators turn a complete ruin into a delightful bijou residence in less than a day. He claims that I conveniently forgot that doing things to the house is messy, time-consuming and a right pain in the neck. Of course it wasn't anything to do with watching TV programmes with Carol Smyllie or Carol Vordermann. How could it be? We still haven't got a TV!
Despite the great promises of Dixons, we weren't able to sit back with our third takeaway of the week and watch the widescreen movie which had been allocated for the return of the Sony.
Nobody called to say it was ready for collection. I hadn't realised, until I did a bit of research, that Dixons are the same group as Currys and PC World. I often wondered why the prices in the stores were identical, now I know. So, if you're wandering around Blanchardstown there's no need to leave the Currys there to check out PC World and Dixons across the road. Or vice versa. Save yourself some shoe leather.
The share price performance of Dixons hasn't been bad this year, although it's off its highs of £15.64 (which is where it was when I bought the TV). Now it's trading around £11.65 - still a good performance from £7 at the beginning of the year but reflecting the market downturn (and the fact that I'd be a big seller if I had any). The real shareholders may be happy but they'd change their tune if they bought a damned TV there!
The only good thing about it is that it meant we didn't get to see the last Late Late Show. RTE keeps bleating on about its magnificent 37-year run but to me that simply shows that they've been completely lacking in imagination for an awfully long time. Surely, in 37 years, they could have come up with something better at some point. Presumably because they think the show's name has brand value they're going to slot Pat Kenny into the same position - terminally unimaginative. Just as well it's not a private company, I'd start selling that too. Still, right now any kind of TV picture would be welcome. I need time to look at mindless drivel on screen.
I know that many of you doubtless think that's what dealers do all day anyway. Bloomberg announced a new feature last week which allows people to "chat" to each other on their Bloomberg terminals. This is supposed to be for exchanging timely views about equities and indexes but so far has been a forum for exchanges like "Manchester United are crap" and other gems of sparkling wit and wisdom. Mike Bloomberg had to post another notice reminding people of the intended use.
I'm sure a few holders of Russian debt felt like posting some views that were pretty unprintable. Emerging markets have taken a battering again, partly due to the Russian intention to default on an interest payment due on June 2nd. The payment is on an IAN (Interest Arrears Note) and, because this is Soviet-era debt, the Russians have shoved it to the back of the queue in terms of their willingness to make payments, preferring to make payments on Russian originated debt instead. Understandable, maybe. It's like making your selection from the ESB, Telecom, mortgage or credit-card bills and paying off the most pressing. Nevertheless, investors had become hopeful that the Russians might make this payment and when the deputy finance minister said niet, they started to sell.
Selling hit Argentina too where a combination of comments from international financier, George Soros, and head of the Argentinian Central Bank, Arminio Fraga, led to frenzied speculation that the currency was about to be devalued. Stock markets plummeted and bonds didn't do much better. Naturally both men were wheeled out to say that it was all a mistake and that the peso was fine just the way it was thanks very much. Mr Soros qualified his statement by saying the Argentinians had to make productivity gains in order to beat recession. Mr Fraga said they might unilaterally adopt the US dollar as the Argentine currency. It's the peso's peg with the dollar that is causing all the problems since the currency can't take the strain.
Although the Brazilians had previously devalued, they were coming out from under that cloud when the Argentinian crisis hit, causing them to postpone their proposed Eurobond issue. The Brazilians say they've got complete faith in the Argentinians, but they'll take all necessary fiscal and monetary measures to protect their economy. Oh good.
Meanwhile, closer to home, there was a little frisson when the vote of the recent Bank of England Monetary Policy Committee (MPC) meeting was announced. The news that they voted 5-4 to leave interest rates unchanged caused a few ripples in the market since this was by far the closest call in a long time. Over the past year the majority view was clearly supported with only one or two dissenters. Interestingly, the MPC also discussed the possibility of intervening in the forex markets to push sterling downwards. Sterling strength has been the cause of much weeping and gnashing of teeth in Britain and surprise everywhere else. The rate-cutters were hoping that lower rates combined with intervention would emphasise their concerns about the exchange rate.
However, intervening implies that you have a target. And there's nothing the market likes more than a target to aim at! Rate cuts may well happen, but intervention is short term and, ultimately, offers more scope to the traders than anyone else. It's the ultimate triumph of hope over experience. Rather like believing someone who tells you that you'll definitely have your TV back by the end of the week. Or that the kitchen will be finished in two days!
Sheila O'Flanagan is a fixed-income specialist at NCB Stockbrokers.
