You do realise that your entire family regards you as some sort of egghead aberration. They believe there's a time and a place for Fermat's last theorem, and it's not at the barbecue. They've now started with the Star Trek jokes, and last week one of your nieces unwittingly revealed your nickname: "the Vulcan".

If only there were a way to prove you can be just as "fun" as everyone else, some single act that would at once indicate that you are "hip", "modern" and "game for a laugh".

Now there is! All you have to do is pay £3,000 for a small robot programmed to behave like a dog. The Sony Aibo has a 64-bit, 100 Mhz processor, with 16 MB of internal memory. With this, it can bark, chase a ball slowly, roll over, and, in time, express robot emotions such as "sadness", "joy" and "boredom".

All this, and you get to make lowbrow quips of a scatological nature about the "dog", further endearing you to the barbecue set!

The Aibo, £3,000 (€3,809) can be seen in Brown Thomas, Dublin, and ordered from Sony.

Gizmo suggestions welcome: smaccarthaigh@irish-times.ie