A distressed woman who alleges her estranged husband forced himself on her sexually and was constantly psychologically abusive to her and their children has obtained an order barring him from their home for three years.
She said she and the man married more than 10 years ago, have young children and are living separately in the same house because she has “nowhere else to go”.
Their children have additional needs and get upset because the man is extremely verbally and psychologically abusive to them, including threatening to kill himself, she told Judge Gerard Furlong at Dublin District Family Court.
This behaviour caused one of the children to smash holes in the wall and talk about killing himself, she said. Her husband had been reported to Tusla by Camhs (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services), she said.
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The woman said she has applied for housing elsewhere but with no success. Her husband receives a social welfare payment, does not contribute adequately to household bills and wants her to stop working, she said. She wants to continue to work for the good of her mental health and to have an income to cover the bills, she said.
She said her husband is extremely psychologically and verbally abusive to her and undermines her all the time, including about her body and hair. He was sexually abusive to her a number of times, including coming into her bedroom and trying to have sex with her against her will, she said.
This included a time when she had taken sleep medication to address sleep difficulties caused by stress, she said. He had forced himself on her while telling her: “I can’t help it, can’t stop”, she told the court.
On one occasion, she said, he came into her bedroom and threw a sweeping brush at her head. On other occasions, she said he made rude gestures with his penis in front of her while making comments such as “see what you’re missing”.
The man is “extremely controlling”, checks her internet accounts, phones her workplace to check she is there and constantly questions her about her movements when when he knows where she is, she said. He damaged the washing machine on one occasion so that she could not use it.
On some occasions when she went out at night and her husband was home, he woke the children up so they would ring her crying, which he knew would get her to come home, she said.
The woman, who previously got a protection order (PO), had last week secured an interim barring order (IBO) on an ex parte basis (one side only represented) which was applicable for eight days.
When seeking the IBO, she said the man had kicked in the door after being served with the PO, her anxiety is increasing and her family are very worried. “I do not know what his limits are,” she said.
When the IBO matter returned before Judge Furlong on Friday at the designated domestic violence court in Dolphin House, Dublin, there was no appearance by the man and he was not represented.
The woman was legally represented and her solicitor said her client had video evidence of the man trying to get into her bed after being told to get out of it and of trying to take his own life.
After the judge said he was satisfied, on the woman’s evidence, to grant a full barring order, applicable for three years, the woman wept and said: “Thank you so much.”
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