It's all very well making New Year resolutions - but how do you keepthem? Grace Wynne-Jones gets professional advice and offers the top 10 tips.
The time for New Year resolutions is upon us again. As William Spooner, who was famous for transposing the first letters of his words, remarked, "We all have a half warmed fish to lead a better life". Those who have a fully formed wish to do this sometimes look for professional help from life-coaches, such as Fiona Harrold. But Harrold isn't a fan of New Year resolutions. She believes they rarely last beyond the middle of February because "no one expects them to last, they have become a joke".
What Harrold does believe in are "Resolutions for Life" and she shares her "can-do" conviction with her clients, many of whom are top performers, business people and politicians in Britain. "It is quite natural that the beginning of a new year is the time we all feel prompted to look at ourselves and our lives," she says. "In fact, becoming inspired and committed to life and doing things you love is key to better mental and physical health."
So how do we go about making resolutions for life? Harrold, who was brought up in Lurgan, Co Armagh, and who has written best-selling books such as The Ten Minute Life Coach (Hodder Mobius) has agreed to share her top 10 tips:
1. Don't tell everybody your resolution
It is not that people are genuinely malicious, simply that we are all conditioned to expect people, and ourselves, to weaken and give up on our goals. When quizzed about it, keep it light and say you might have a few up your sleeve.
2. Take yourself seriously
Decide that these resolutions are for life. As the saying goes, "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?" Take this question out to lunch. Have a relaxed look at it and over coffee, write this heading down, "What I really want is". When you have a list of 30, note the 10 items that you really, really want. Before you leave the restaurant, decide which three items you have to try to achieve; those things that you owe it to yourself to put serious effort into.
3. Get help
Contrary to popular belief, taking the first step is easy; it's keeping going that's the real challenge. We humans have a tendency to feel deflated and discouraged all too easily. Sign on with a good life-coach or simply enrol three other get-up-and-go people to a "Success Group". Call the group anything you like, but it is essential to meet weekly to help spur each other on. Keep the meeting structured so each person has at least 15 minutes to talk about their goals and progress. To work, the group has to be closed, committed and confidential.
4. Raise your expectations
You are conditioned to expect a certain type of life. Your upbringing will have embedded certain personal expectations within you. These are most obvious with money and the type of home you have. Identify where you have fallen into those paths laid out for you. Decide where you want to throw off those limitations and create some new, more exciting expectations for yourself.
5. Decide who you are
You could be anyone. But who do you want to be? Crucially, who do you need to be in order to have the life you want? What characteristics or qualities would you need to take on board to bring in the changes that you want? You might need to appear confident and relaxed, outgoing and friendly, focused and determined. Decide who you need to be and then practise, practise, practise. Soon you and your new persona will be as one.
6. Visualise what you want
A fully-lived life is at stake here. At all times be vigilant that your thinking is of the highest quality, the most resourceful and empowering. Forbid yourself the luxury of negative thinking. At the very least, restrict it to a contained, focused period of time - minutes. Grasp this - every problem has a solution: every crisis an opportunity.
7. Confidence is all
Promise yourself that 2004 is the year that you really get this. Make the decision to build deep-seated confidence in yourself. You are brighter and stronger than you think. Dig deep within for more confidence by throwing yourself bigger and more interesting challenges. Keep on surprising yourself at just how clever you are.
8. Embrace failure
You must fail in order to succeed really well. Fear of failure is the real demon. Look at any powerful man or woman who has achieved success and you'll find failure. You'll also find lessons learnt and put to good use. No one invites failure but when it shows up, take a really close look, put the experience to good use and then act decisively. Take total responsibility for seeing the cause-and-effect nature of all actions. Above all, don't take it personally. You are not the failure. Move on.
9. Dress to conquer
Act the part or for the part you want. Dress appropriately. All work environments have codes of dress and conduct. Make sure you have deciphered yours and are suitably attired.
10. Enjoy yourself right now
Avoid the mistake of putting off appreciating what you've already got until a later date. Pat yourself on the back immediately for your achievements over the past year, and any other. Make a list entitled "Achievements and successes I acknowledge myself for". Keep this list open and ongoing. Get into the habit of paying regular attention to your successes. Success breeds success - but only if you notice it in the first place. Keep daily life light and juicy. Avoid dreariness and over-seriousness at all costs.
