5: Election rage

What is it? In a highly unscientific poll conducted by All the Rage recently, a significant percentage of voters said that the European- and local-election campaigns were causing them varying degrees of unease, from mild irritation to full-blown election rage. When asked who or what was causing them the most irritation, 75 per cent of respondents named Royston Brady.

Fifteen per cent were peeved that candidates seemed to call to the door in the middle of Coronation Street, their evening meal or the Big Brother highlights. Ten per cent said they were sick of being accosted by scary-looking election volunteers in slacks at DART stations, on bridges and in supermarkets. The remainder cited Brady's posters.

The symptoms? You cannot hear the name Royston Brady without wanting to go and lie down in a darkened room. You say things like 'I don't believe in democracy' just to watch the candidates' heckles rise when you mistakenly open the door to one of them. You have vivid dreams in which you are living in a totalitarian regime where there are never any elections, just a benevolent dictator. Just so long as it's not Royston.

The cure? Doctors recommend sticking a note on the letter box, advising all candidate that anyone who puts any kind of leaflet through the door will in no event get your vote. Take the bus, thus avoiding the DART stations and leafleters. Stock up with enough groceries to last until June 11th, so you don't have to run the candidate gauntlet at the supermarket. Steal some of Royston Brady's posters. Oh, that's been done. Or has it?

What annoys you most?

Share it with us by e-mailing rage@irish-times.ie