2. Smoking ban rage

What is it? Now smoking is less socially acceptable than spitting, urinating in public and, possibly, murdering someone, smoking-ban rage has taken hold among a small minority of smokers who just can't let it lie. A close

relative of air rage, which some say started around the time cigarettes were banned on aircraft, smoking-ban rage happens when normally well-adjusted people go a bit barmy because they can't smoke in enclosed work spaces such as pubs and restaurants. While sensible, law-abiding smokers are sucking soggy cigarettes in the rain, victims of smoking-ban rage stay inside, drinking faster than the rest of us in the absence of their preferred mode of oral gratification.

The symptoms? Smoke got in your eyes, now victims of smoking-ban rage get in your ears. When cornered they are prone to illogical ranting, such as the man seen puffing away in a pub and railing against the injustice of a government that didn't uphold his right to smoke but thought nothing of letting US warplanes refuel at Shannon (because the two issues are connected, right?). Elsewhere, fights have broken out and chairs have been thrown in smoking-ban- related anger. Sufferers are often found in toilets, looking suspicious and muttering obscenities about Micheál Martin and the fascist regime. Approach with caution.

The cure? Herbal cigarettes taste foul but are sweet revenge for more irate sufferers, who can smoke as many as they like. If that doesn't appeal they can head north for some cross-Border smoking action. Victims of

smoking-ban rage should also be

able to relax in the knowledge that the country is rapidly being turned into alfresco heaven, with more outdoor heaters and canopied smoking areas than they can shake a cancer stick at.

Or maybe - whisper it - they could just give up.

What annoys you most? Share it with us by e-mailing rage@irish-times.ie