1Accept the great Mum/Dad divide. Mum thinks Dad doesn't understand how tough it is - and why does he buy the wrong nappies? Accept Mum's compulsive behaviour and Dad's short-cut seeking. It's normal.

2Don't expect great sex. Sex-obsessive husband behaviour is normal and shut-down-the-factory wife behaviour is normal. Tolerate the other person and try to talk it through until you find a mutually agreeable solution.

3Give a little. Women want a husband who thinks and acts like a team member, gives validation, is romantic and pays attention to the finer things. Men want sex, validation, more sex, lower standards, yet more sex and being part of the family unit on their own terms.

4Don't blame your spouse for the things you're not getting. Decide what it is you need. Then negotiate some time to do it.

5Avoid extreme parenting. Trying to be a perfect parent will cause you to neglect yourself and your marriage. Ditto maternal gatekeeping: attempting to hyper-manage your child's father can turn him into Assistant Mum instead of the father he wants to be.

6It's never enough. This is how a lot of Dads feel about their wives' expectations. Mum has to let Dad be good enough instead of perfect.