If one were asked, "what do you value most in your life?" I think many people would mention relationships. Good relationships are what bring us happiness and self-worth and make life worth living. So why then, do so many of us glaze over at the very mention of the word ecumenism, which is about creating closer relationships between the churches?

Those of us involved in ecumenism at local level are aware of the dynamic that continues to thrive despite the recent setbacks at official level. The Communion debate will always be central because Jesus chose the image of table fellowship to show us what relationship is all about, and in so doing, radically challenged the customs of his time with his model of absolute inclusiveness.

Such a simple message - everyone is welcome, no one is turned away. How is it possible that after 2000 years, we still have not got the message?

Father Gerry Reynolds, a dedicated ecumenist, whose community at Clonard monastery was instrumental in helping bring about the peace process in the North, some years ago, pleaded with all the Irish bishops to allow the Eucharist to be shared with "people in all the churches who have put their lives generously at the service of God's reconciling will for the church and the whole society."

He was convinced that such a welcome would inspire and strengthen all the workers for reconciliation with a dynamic sacramental grace. This plea was made with the Northern situation particularly in mind. It is a seed which has yet to germinate, but it is one example of the many good initiatives that are going on quietly in the background.

Father Gabriel Daly, a prominent Roman Catholic theologian in Dublin, sees intercommunion as an indispensable means towards unity since God wishes us to be reconciled, and unity will only be achieved through God's grace and not by our efforts alone.

How infinitely more effective would be the proclamation of the Good News today if the churches were not seen to be divided among themselves. So much time and energy is spent arguing over doctrinal issues at a period in our history when fewer and fewer people care about institutional religion, and yet so many are searching for meaning in their lives.

This has been one of the factors that has contributed to the breakdown of relationships in Drumcree. This week the Church of Ireland General Synod is meeting and one hopes that its attention will focus on an issue that it has so far proved unable to resolve.

HAS ecumenism anything to say here? I believe it has. Ecumenism is about mutual respect, acceptance, sharing and inclusiveness. It is a biblical imperative and a fundamental part of being a Christian. It is what Christ prayed for when he said "I pray that they may all be one." Jesus asks us, "Who do you say that I am?" He is not asking us, "What does your denomination believe?"

Although we journey as Christians in community I believe that as individuals it must involve a questioning of all that we have inherited in terms of teaching and received beliefs. Our God cannot be contained in one particular "denominational box".

In our search for the truth about God I believe we must move beyond the safe harbour and into the open sea allowing the winds of the Holy Spirit to be our guide. It is a risky undertaking, but I believe it is only in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable that we are enabled to glimpse something of the reality of God.

Ecumenism therefore is fundamentally about relationships between me and my neighbour and the wider community and as such is a taste of a kingdom experience.

When we learn to see strangers as a gift rather than a threat we discover that our lives can be enriched in ways we could not have imagined. When hearts and minds are open to change the impossible becomes possible. It is in the day-to-day living out of Christian unity that real hope for the future lies.

Father Sean Fagan in a letter to The Irish Times (3/1/98), wrote that what really separates us is not so much faith, belief, or in many cases even theology, but rather, entrenched attitudes and traditions that have little to do with the Gospel. A basic principle of ecumenism is the closer we come to Jesus, the closer we come to each other. The fact that we keep our distance from each other suggests that we should examine our consciences on how close we are to God.

The report of the Standing Committee of the 1999 Church of Ireland General Synod states that "Honouring God is to see our traditions and culture through kingdom glasses." So many troubling issues could be transformed if we became accustomed to looking through "kingdom glasses". We might begin to see new ways of addressing the big issues, such as Drumcree.

Carolyn O Laoire is secretary to Howth, Sutton, Bayside and Baldoyle Ecumenical Group in Dublin. She is on the committee of the Association for Interchurch Families and a member of the Church of Ireland General Synod.