There are only a few shopping hours left until Christmas but all is not lost, even for the least-prepared festive shoppers, writes Fiona McCann
IT'S THE night before the night before Christmas, and all through the house, you're the only one stirring - tossing and turning even - because tomorrow is Christmas Eve and you've nothing done. Not a child in the house washed, not a present bought, nothing for Christmas dinner and no excuses but the perennial procrastination that has you in full panic mode while the clock ticks menacingly.
Gah! Everyone knows the shops close early on Christmas Eve, that they're wedged with last-minute shoppers, that they've nothing left except broken cracker boxes and granny perfume, that the early bird has caught and wrapped the worm, left it snugly under a perfectly co-ordinated Christmas tree and is kicking back smugly with a glass of mulled wine.
Well. We can't wash your children for you, but dinner? Presents? Help is at hand. All you need is pen and paper, a patient taxi driver or a fistful of coins for the parking meter, and a clear idea of what you're after.
Dinner
SET YOUR alarm for early and hightail it to the nearest Tesco. Catering to the ill-prepared, 20 Tesco shops are extending to 24-hour trading today and will remain open from now until 6pm on Christmas Eve, alongside the 30 or so that normally trade 24 hours on a Wednesday. Alongside fresh turkeys will be time-saving, pre-peeled potatoes, and deliveries will be made right up to Christmas Eve. While you're there, pick up some wrapping paper, napkins and a couple of candles, and you're all set for ambience and presentation.
This only works if you have a list of desired ingredients and a passing knowledge of what to do with them. If the mere thought is bringing on palpitations, however, head to www.christmasmadeeasy.ie, where magic elves assemble all the ingredients required for a five-course feast, along with recipes and clear instructions, and deliver the lot to your door.
Though most of the deliveries are made on the 23rd, chef Neil McFadden, the man behind this life-saving idea, assures that last-minute calls on Christmas Eve will be answered and catered to wherever possible.
"We'd organise a hamper, and work with them in terms of delivery," says McFadden, who points out that he often has prepared hampers to spare, given that he readies a few extra in case of emergency. Contact McFadden and co on 01-6279056 or 087-2882545.
If all else fails, book a hotel (the Westbury and Jurys Croke Park are both serving Christmas dinners).
Shopping
TIME IS of the essence, so bring a list. Who are your family members and what did you buy them last year? Armed with such essential information, try a one-stop-shop like Brown Thomas, whose shops in Dublin, Cork, Limerick and Galway will be opening at 8am tomorrow. Get in early, and get ready to spend: this is the mecca for last-minute presents that don't come cheap, but make up in quality for what you lacked in forethought.
For him, a Paul Smith (€215) or Dolce Gabbana wallet (€220) should do the job, while your father won't know himself with a Brown Thomas bathrobe and slippers set (€120). Your mother might have claimed to be happy "just to have the family together for Christmas" and might consider it a gift "if you'd all just stop fighting", but if there's no present under the tree for her, she'll change her tune fairly lively. Agent Provocateur is probably best avoided, but she'll be thrilled with a Crème de la Mer Mother of Pearl set. As for your missus, there's so much to choose from, but you can't go wrong with a bit of Jo Malone scent (starts at €49), especially given that they gift-wrap any purchase and spray the package inside with the scent.
On the subject of wrapping, the benefit of Brown Thomas is that every purchase comes in a nifty gift box, saving you valuable wrapping time, while all Tiffany products arrive in the trademark blue box, which offers guaranteed absolution for the disorganised nature of your Christmas purchasing.
It's also worth remembering that somebody always turns up with a Christmas present you didn't expect, and the Body Shop basket just doesn't cut it any more; so before you leave Brown Thomas, nip around to the Molton Brown stand for a gift set, or simple handwash and lotion, and you're sucking diesel.
If a €200 wallet is a bit swit-swoo for your Christmas budget, pop into your local record shop for some DVD and CD action. There's every chance your significant other, whatever their gender, will be just as impressed by a present of a box set of The Wire (€129.99 for a five-series set), and you can pick up a copy of the Gaybo Laughs Back DVD (€19.95) for the old pair while you're at it.
Your local bookshop is another safe bet for present purchases, though it's wise to approach entirely unencumbered, given the general heft you're getting into. Maria Dickenson, books purchasing manager for Eason, has put together a list to assist in a proper books blitzkrieg that'll have you in and out in plenty of time to get home for wrapping. For golf-playing fathers or mothers, she recommends Touching Greatness: Memorable Encounters with Golfing Legends, by Dermot Gilleece (€14.99). The late Ronnie Drew's autobiography, Ronnie (€22.99), is a timely option for the same generation.
The "gorgeous" Perfumes: The Guide by Luca Turin is a good flick-through and conversation starter for mothers or aunties, and Dickenson flags The Goddess Experience by Gisèle Scanlon for girlfriends and sisters.
There's The Big Book of Top Gear for himself, while your teenage nieces, nephews, siblings or kids are all gagging for Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series, particularly with the film version having recently opened in Irish cinemas. For the little 'uns, you can't go wrong with the Sesame Street books, while Mo Willems's Elephant and Piggie books are a winner for the really tiny tots. If you're not already laden down, it's no harm grabbing a few general-interest books for the maiden aunt or unexpected boyfriend who turns up for your Tesco dinner unannounced.
Dickenson recommends Tom McSweeney's Seascapes, or The Irish Times Book of the Year (she really did recommend this one, and who are we to quibble?) as general pleasers for new year coffee tables. Eason stores will be open until at least 5pm on Christmas Eve, with the O'Connell Street store open until 5.30pm, so if your arms get weary, you might even make two runs at it.
Online options
IF YOU'RE nowhere near a bookshop, or were caught up in some yuletide celebrations and missed the shopping cut-off time, then there's still a chance to redeem yourself. The internet, bless its Christmas stockings, is open 24 hours, 365 days a year, and can provide you with gift vouchers at the mere click of a mouse. Monart's luxury spa provides excellent gifts, with vouchers printable from www.monart.ie. Simply make your order and roll up the print-out in a bit of Christmas ribbon. Other online options include overnights at Bellinter House (www.bellinterhouse.ie), the 18th-century Palladian mansion turned luxury hotel on the banks of the Boyne, or further afield in Ballynahinch Castle in Connemara (www.ballynahinch-castle.com), either of which can make a last-minute online purchase look romantic, if you throw in a bunch of flowers with it. Which reminds us: any florist that's a member of the Interflora network is obliged to accept orders up until 11am on Christmas Eve, to be delivered that same day, though florists advise you get there by 10am to ensure the order is processed in time.
Once the online vouchers are rolled and ribboned and placed under the tree, it's time to kick back and enjoy another well-planned Christmas. You did get a tree didn't you? If not, nip around to Tesco before 6pm tomorrow and grab yourself a two-foot Pink Feather Tree and a 12-pack of baubles, don some gay apparel and consider your halls decked.
