REMEMBER when you learned the true spirit of Christmas? When, as a child, the truth dawned and you finally understood the kid with the best toy, wins?
Holiday joy was getting the gizmo that every other child in the neighbourhood wanted to play with. You could bask in glory for at least a week.
Perhaps it's time to rediscover your inner child. If you've been very, very good this year, Santa has a few items tucked carefully in the bottom of the sleigh that will create quite a stir and get plenty of envious looks.
And these aren't the kind of things that will be forgotten by New Year's Day. They're grown up toys that will get you up to scratch for the dawning of a new millennium.
There's a technological wonderland on offer if you have a few spare sponduliks, of course. If you haven't yet advanced beyond a remote control for the television and need some convincing, then meet Declan Peat. Son of the founder of the Peat's Electronics stores, he admits he was weaned on gadgets "I'm afraid I ended up a complete and utter techno fiend." Of course, you might be under the mistaken assumption that Peat gets his fill of technology at work, since he runs Desktop Systems, a Dublin company which markets Apple computers and high end digital imaging equipment. Wrong. This is a man who has wired his country house so that he can ring the house's computer from his home computer and "switch things on and off. The difficulty with country houses, he says, is that you want to head down for the weekend but you end up spending the whole time just getting it aired out or heated up. So, over his modem, he tells the house to circulate air through its rooms. Or, he can turn the dehumidifiers on if his computer complains that it's a bit damp inside. He can also turn on hot water, lights and the heat.
Next, he decided to link up a full barometric Weather Wizard system to get outside weather readings over his computer, so he'd know what to pack. Finally, he thought about taking one of those remote control model cars, mounting a camera on it, and rigging it so he could send it out through a cat flap to broadcast back an actual look at the weather. That's when the spoilsports kicked in.
"Everyone was behind me with the computerised control system for the house, but when I got to the Weather Wizard, I started losing them, and when I got to driving the car out the cat flap, they lost it completely," he says forlornly. "Oh well, the only difficulty I have now is the lawn mowing." Then he brightens. "But you know they have these solar powered mowers ...
Peat also loves GPS Geographic Positioning Systems to the rest of us. These are minutely exact computerised mapping systems. "You can drive around in your car and know exactly where you are you can find yourself if you get lost," says Peat. Just take your laptop in the car with the right mapping software and you're away.
He also owns sunglasses with a little LCD screen inside. "It has a TV in it it's so close to your eye it looks like a six foot screen in front of your face," he says. "The way it's actually laid out, it doesn't obstruct your view." A cable runs down to a small receiver pack belted on the waist. Peat says the cable looks like those cords that hold your glasses on, "so you don't look a complete and utter nerd". He insists you can wear them for a stroll. "You're multi tasking when you're walking around! The only problem is you tend to break out laughing." Sound too Dr Who? Peat insists it's just making technology work for you.
"It's all there, it's technology that's lying around. It's just plugging one thing into another," he says. "The main thing is just to have fun." If your house lacks a cat flap and the appropriate wiring, then make a New Year's resolution to at least enter the digital age with these cutting edge alternatives.
THE NOKIA 9000 COMMUNICATOR (£1,400 at Person To Person, College Green, Dublin). Yes, it looks like a mobile phone, but the top opens up into a tiny 8Mb palmtop computer with an incredibly high resolution LCD screen. Raise the stubby antenna and you have Internet and Web access download files from your computer, check and send e-mail or faxes. Optional leather belt pack for the stylish tech head.
NIGHT VISION SCOPE (£600 at The Spy Shop, Castle Street, Dublin). It's infrared, it has a range of 450 feet, and it's made by the Russians ("They're doing all that stuff these days," says Spy Shop's Tom Pollard). You too can feel like an action hero. Hill walkers like them. "Definitely for the snoopy type," adds Pollard. "They're great."
SONY MD Walkman MZ R3 MiniDisc Recorder/Player (£350 at HiFi Corner, Aston Quay, Dublin). Astonishing sound on mini CDs you can order prerecorded music (£12.99) or record your own discs just plug it into the stereo. As always with Sony, it's tiny and looks great. Comes with full editing functions. "These are going to replace tapes," says salesman John Whelan.
LASER DISC HOME CINEMA SYSTEM (£9,748 at Hi Fi Corner). Dump that bargain VCR and come home to this seven speaker surround sound system the next time you want to watch Revenge Of The Nerds.
The Jamo THX speaker system (£2,200) is approved by Lucas film the Pioneer laser disc player (£799) and Yamaha DSP A 3090 amplifier (£1,749.99) complete the deal. "It's a system for people who are big movie fans, who don't go out much," explains salesman Fergal Kavanagh.
SONY PLAYSTATION (£200-230 and electronics shops countrywide). Yes, yes, the kids will be asking for one this Christmas, and of course you don't really feel like destroying the Soviet army in stereo and 3D graphics on a Sunday afternoon. But repeat after me Actual Golf (Gremlin, £49.99). The children will be pounding on the door while you watch your ball ricochet off a tree and hear the announcer say, "What was the thinking behind that shot?".
CITIZEN T530 PORTABLE 3-INCH COLOUR TELEVISION (£199.99 at Peats Electronics, Dublin). A little larger than a mobile phone, this teensy weensy TV has a three inch screen, plugs into cable, and has UHF and VHF reception as well as an AM/FM radio. Much beloved of night working security guards.
MACINTOSH PERFORMA 6400/200 (£2,500 plus VAT at Typetec, Dame Street, Dublin). A computer that will show you why Macintosh users are the most fiercely loyal of consumers. Billed as the Apple Creative Studio, this system comes with a full multimedia studio built in, in case you feel like throwing together a rock video this afternoon. Avid Cinema, Adobe PhotoDeluxe, 3b modelling and lots of other fun stuff.
SONY DCR-VX1000E DIGITAL HANDYCAM (£3,600 at the Sony Store, Parnell Street, Dublin). You're still using conventional videotape? Try this all-digital number which offers pristine resolution, a 20X digital zoom facility, and an automatic steadying system for shaky hands. You can download video into your computer and edit away. Gorgeous camera design at least you'll look like a total pro.
AND finally, if you're budget minded but you want electronics geek credibility, there's the STAR TREK PHASER TV/VIDEO CHANGER (US$39.99, The Sharper Image Online Catalogue at www.sharperimage.com) Bring your home electronics under Star Fleet command, as the online catalogue says. It's basically a television remote control, but looks just like a Star Trek phaser. When you press volume, channel and power buttons the tip glows red and you get authentic Star Trek. The Next Generation sound effects. Cool.
