German pranksters Joko and Klaas have fooled the entire German people, and indeed, mankind, by insinuating a fake Ryan Gosling into the Goldene Kamera awards. The interloper took to the stage at the annual German film and television awards and accepted an award for the enjoyably desperate Holywood dancecapade and national nervous breakdown La La Land.
"I dedicate this award to Joko and Klaas, " said German-accented Munich-based cook Ludwig Lehner, for it was he. Classic Lehner.
Joko Winterscheidt and Klaas Heufer-Umlauf laughed evilly for they had, once again, succeeded in lying to people for money using the lowest form of comedy: The Prank.
According to “the internet”, Lehner didn’t really look like Ryan Gosling and this suggests, perhaps, that the German people can’t tell Americans apart. Yes, Adam Sandler, Honey Boo Boo, William Howard Taft and Alf from Alf all look the same to them.
However, seated in the audience among the confused Germans were glitzy foreigners Nicole Kidman and Colin Farrell. They could tell it wasn't really Ryan Gosling. Kidman laughed nervously, homesick for the knockabout comedy of her native Australia, and the Farreller glowered up at the stage darkly, no doubt seeing in this prank the seeds of the sort of dystopia he warned of in Minority Report.
Blame the Germans?
But who can blame the Germans this time? It’s not the first time Gosling’s image has been appropriated. He is already a component of the Feminist Ryan Gosling meme, in which the oval-faced hoofster’s image is disseminated across the world wide web accompanied by such statements as: “Hey Girl. Gender is a social construct. Everybody likes to cuddle.”
And Gosling is hardly unique. Scientists tell us that he is basically just a pink balloon with a face and some stubble drawn on it in marker. Furthermore, his first name is an Irish second name and his second name is a noun meaning baby goose, so he has appropriated both Irish and avian cultures and is basically a goose racist.
Also, his dancing in La La Land was serviceably competent at best and I don’t know what Drive is supposed to be about.
In conclusion, I’m not jealous of Ryan Gosling at all. I am an objective journalist reporting on the news objectively. Neither the smirking former Mousketeer nor President Trump have commented at the time of writing.
