A humdrum night for a second-rate ceremony, or a key insight into which films will triumph at this year's Oscars? DONALD CLARKEgrits his teeth and endures the mild jokes and pale dresses of this year's Golden Globe awards
‘TONIGHT, YOU GET Britain’s biggest comedian, hosting the second-biggest awards show, on America’s third-biggest network. I’m just kidding. It’s the fourth,” Ricky Gervais began. Once again pretending to be good sports, members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA), organisers of the Golden Globe awards, laughed through rigidly clenched teeth.
We can argue about Gervais’s standing in the comedy pecking order. We’re willing to believe that NBC is on the slide. But, bizarre as it seems, the Globes, now in their 69th edition, do continue to retain the silver medal in the awards Olympics.
Pundits used to maintain that the Globes offered firm pointers to the Oscars. Sadly for the HFPA, the two ceremonies have only agreed on best film once in the past seven years. In recent times, the Globes have attracted headlines for nominating appalling films – remember Burlesquelast year? – and for allowing Gervais to call the guests drunken criminals. This year, the main scandal involved the sprinkling of real gold on the deserts during a time of recession. Yet we still pay attention.
The 2012 ceremony, which took place on Sunday at the Beverly Hilton hotel in Los Angeles, was even less interesting than usual (particularly if, like most domestic viewers, you watched on the E! channel). The Artist, Michel Hazanavicius's gorgeous silent film, romped home with the award for best musical or comedy. The Descendants, the latest mid-life crisis drama from Alexander Payne, won best dramatic picture. A sweary Meryl Streep picked up her 842nd Globe for impersonating Mrs Thatcher in The Iron Lady. George Clooney won best dramatic actor for the Payne film. Indeed, it looks as if the favourite triumphed in every one of the major film categories. The television prizes were evenly distributed between such series as Game of Thrones, Mildred Pierceand Downton Abbey.
Even the dresses were boring: every second female star appeared to be wearing a garment shaded in some mildly tinted – peach, grey, ochre – variation on flesh tones. Only bookies were tearing their hair out.
Well, we could, surely, rely on Gervais to add a little poison to proceedings. This was, it is true, his third year at the podium and, when you’ve seen a horse play the trombone twice before, the novelty does wear off a little. But the oddness of his performance has definitely energised recent ceremonies.
As Gervais kicked off, it became clear that, rather than dreading the expected barbs, the celebrities were looking forward to smiling bravely while he read out their arrest records. He got in a few decent cracks at the HFPA, but the stars emerged largely unscathed. Although she parried while at the podium, Madonna must, by this stage, be well used to wiseacres making ironic references to the title of her breakthrough single. “Just like a virgin,” the host said, before issuing an ironic cough. Tell us the one about your dog having no nose, Gervais, that’s a little less frayed around the edges.
Nothing he said was as amusingly pointed as an apparently off-the-cuff remark from Seth Rogen. " My Week With Marilyn,that hysterical comedy," the actor said, referencing that drama's appearance on the "musical or comedy" shortlist.
Mind you, this writer is not perfectly placed to offer a comprehensive analysis of the evening’s comic gems. E! began in extraordinary fashion by missing the first two minutes of Gervais’s monologue.
The channel then discordantly bleeped a reference to (I'm half-guessing here) "Jodie Foster's Beaver".
The bleeping continued throughout the night. At times, the show took on the quality of a festival of obsequiousness scored by a particularly avant-garde electronic composer.
Let’s just mention the moment that Julianne Moore’s autocue failed – she was handed a scrap of paper – and set the sniping aside for a moment. There were moments of undeniably dignity.
On the day before Martin Luther King Day, Octavia Spencer, winner of best supporting actor for The Help, quoted the civil rights leader in genuinely moving fashion. "All labour that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance," she said. The Helpis concerned with African-American domestic servants during the early 1960s.
Accepting the best supporting actor gong for Beginners, Christopher Plummer, now 82, gave a moving speech that confirmed his status as a professional of the highest order. “I must praise my distinguished competitors, for whom I have the greatest admiration and to whom I apologise most profusely,” he said.
But the highlight of the speeches again involved a moment of bleeped profanity. Attaining the podium, Meryl Streep suddenly realised she had left a vital item at her table. “Oh s**t. My glasses!” she yelped. “Okay. I’m going to have to remember my speech.”
Never mind. One imagines the veteran actor could have murdered a puppy on stage and still retained the affections of the HFPA.
The results do, however, place the Golden Globes in an unexpected position. In previous years, the HFPA’s habit of doubling up best picture awards – gongs are given to best drama and best musical or comedy – has not significantly increased their chances of selecting the eventual Oscar winner. The famously humourless Academy has never had much time for laughter or song. This year, however, the Globes have managed to select both the favourite and the second favourite for the big prize.
Since its premiere at Cannes last May, The Artisthas been inked in for success at the only bash that really matters. A delightful tribute to vintage American cinema, the French film did not sweep the board on Sunday. Martin Scorsese, a sentimental favourite, won best director for the fine Hugo. But Jean Dujardin, who stars as a fading actor in Hazanavicius's film, won best dramatic actor and Ludovic Bource, composer of the feisty music, won the prize for best score.
The Artisthas, however, not performed as well as hoped at the US box-office and some Oscarologists now think that The Descendants– in which Clooney plays a man coping with the imminent death of his wife – could surge past for a surprise win.
Happily for the HFPA, that film also has a best-picture Globe.
If, by some chance, another film grabs the main award then the Globes may as well pack up and go home.
However would we cope?
Quotes from the red carpet
“It’s just like the Oscars without the esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton”
– host Ricky Gervais
“Right now, if I were to write a song, it would be a tap dance number”
– Ludovic Bource, accepting the award for best score for The Artist
“I first won this award when I was 15 for My So-Called Life, and I was utterly stunned and overwhelmed as one is. And the first thing I did when I left the stage was burst into tears because I realised that I had forgotten to thank my parents. I brought my mom with me tonight, Carla”
– Claire Danes, best actress in TV series for Homeland
“I’m just trembling here. Oh my god, I’m going to fall off these high-heeled shoes”
– Octavia Spencer, best supporting actress for her role in The Help
“Why don’t you make a film our daughter can see for once?”
– Martin Scorsese on his wife Helen’s encouragement
“How fabulous this is. The whole Downton Abbey adventure has been an extraordinary one, like spotting a promising child and waking up to find they won the Olympics”
– Downton Abbeycreator
Julian Fellowes
“I would like to thank two studios that really proved the adage that Peter and I could make the telephone book if we wanted to”
– Steven Spielberg, on his producing partner Peter Jackson
“I thank HBO for being absent when we needed you to be and for being present when we needed a bit more shooting”
– Kate Winslet, who won best actress for her role in Mildred Pierce
