Do Sylvester Stallone, Cate Blanchett, Matt Damon, Jennifer Lawrence or Saoirse Ronan need a little something to take the edge off their night at the Oscars?
It would seem so.
This year, in addition to the hype, the acclamation and the industry exposure they will pick up on the red carpet, all acting and directing nominees will receive a luxury goodie bag worth worth $200,000.
Yes $200K - that’s €180K in the Eurozone.
Look at their pale, little, white faces … the Oscar hopefuls have surely earned this prize in 2016? The bags were only worth $125,000 last year. Tough luck Bradley Cooper.
The contents of the goodie bag, from a Los Angeles firm that works with companies hoping to capitalise on the fame of Oscar hopefuls, tells its own story. Let’s just say a two-state solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict now seems even more distant.
So what will the winners and losers be taking home this year?
- A 10-day, first-class trip to Israel ($55,000)
- A year's worth of unlimited Audi car rentals ($45,000)
- A 15-day walking tour of Japan ($45,000)
- Three private training sessions with "celebrity wellness expert" and star of ABC's My Diet Is Better Than Yours, Jay Cardiello ($1,400)
- Ultherapy - a laser skin-tightening procedure ($5,530)
- A Lifetime supply of skin creams from Lizora ($31,200)
- A Fit Club TV "Ultimate Fitness Package" in a private villa ($6,250)
And finally, our personal favourites.
Leonardo DiCaprio may be facing a Vape-free Oscars, but although monkey cannot do, monkey can see, and monkey can, indeed, take home for later.
All Oscar nominees will be getting a Haze Dual V3 Vaporizer alt.inhaling kit, valued at $249.99 (€278).
To ensure that the Oscar ceremony doesn’t go “tits up” this year (to use the base vernacular), goodie-baggers can have a Vampire Breast Lift (worth, $1,900). This involves a ghastly process involving your own blood - and presumably your own breasts. Gender fluid. Literally.
We hope that female Oscar nominees can open their bags during the interminably boring presentation ceremony, because the main good news from the goodie bags is they also contain a $250 “arouser” offering “gentle suction and stimulation”.
Let’s hope all those Oscar nominees can still keep their eyes on the prize.
