AILBHE MALONEisn't surprised by Charlotte's ghostly turn

TRACK OF THE WEEK

How Not To Be Surprised When You’re A Ghost by Charlotte Church.

No, it’s not a handy manual on the side-effects of ectoplasm, it’s Charlotte Church’s comeback single. And she’s gone Indie with a capital ‘I’. No longer a crazy chick, CC’s been writing tracks about being hounded by the press and taking part in the Leveson inquiry. Meaty stuff, but behind it all, there’s her undeniable vocal range. If only she’d ditch the guitars for a synth, we might have a Welsh Bat for Lashes on our hands.

* One acting role in a French arthouse film, and Kylie’s come over all moody. Talking about her role in upcoming film Holy Motors, Kylie explained: “No one’s shiny and happy all the time. There are other sides of me that an experience like this has allowed me to explore.” Minogue went on: “My persona is ‘Kylie’. As soon as I step out of my house I have that projection of me. But that isn’t necessarily who I am. What face do I show?” We suggest you start with the one that’s attached to your neck.

* Miley Cyrus is planning a long engagement to fiance Liam Hemsworth, she told Marie Claire. “Life is too short not to be with the person you want to be with. I don’t really care about the wedding or the piece of paper as much as I do the promise we’ve made to each other. And we want to have a long engagement.” Good thing too – Miley’s only 19. Chill out, babes.

* Saucer of milk for Elton John, who’s been lashing out at Madonna this week. The bespectacled singer commented: “If Madonna had any common sense she would have made a record like Ray Of Light and stayed away from the dance stuff and just been a great pop singer and make great pop records, which she does brilliantly. But no, she had to go and prove . . . she looks like a f****** fairground stripper. She’s been horrible to Gaga.”

Why can’t we all just get along?