All the well-meaning advice on our health, diet and lifestyle has us more worried than ever, writes Kate Holmquist.
It was inevitable, but it's still worth noting that the Irish have finally achieved the holy grail of affluence: we've turned into neurotic Americans.
Take this week: we learned that 15 per cent of middle-class children are undernourished because their parents are too cash-rich and time-poor to feed them. I wouldn't doubt that some of the 15 per cent are in this state because they won't eat the unsweetened muesli and natural yoghurt their parents have provided for breakfast, or the steamed vegetables and fish that were served at dinner. Children these days are the fussiest people of all, turning up their noses at steamed potatoes, a slice of ham and some boiled cabbage. You wouldn't dare feed that to your kids these days - it has to be free-range so they know the chicken died happy.
This week we were also told we could protect our health by making our own wholemeal-based antioxidant-rich pizza, women were told to take 14 aspirin per week to live longer, and we received Government warnings that alcohol-company sponsorship of sporting events is a big part of our national alcoholism problem. On radio, meanwhile, worried middle-aged women were told we need Vitamin D to prevent osteoporosis and that women over 50 need a breast scan. Hang on, didn't Dr William Reville say in these pages that people who take vitamin supplements are wasting their time? And when I got a letter saying I was now due a free breast scan, why didn't they give me an appointment? What was that about alcohol again?
There is so much well-meaning advice that the average consumer can feel too overwhelmed to do much about it except lie awake worrying. And, if that wasn't difficult enough, we have to think about how our lifestyle choices appear to other people. We want so badly to get it right that we've all become fussy - and not just about food.Child- rearing discussions among mothers have become a competitive sport: "You feed him what? You take him to how many sports classes? What's his nappy carbon-rating?" - and the kid's still in a cot.
The dark side of our aspiration to become healthier, as well as richer, is the chronic anxiety that advertisers thrive on. Sometimes they can be incredibly cynical - as when Coca Cola's Dasani bottled water turned out to be little more than tap water - but mostly they're far more sophisticated. The current Flora TV ad shows the first beat of a foetus's heart and tells us this is just the beginning of a lifelong campaign to protect our hearts. I swear, this ad gives me high blood pressure.
Neurosis is paralysing. It's 99 per cent worry and 1 per cent action. We're now in a sort of lifestyle Red Cow roundabout, stuck in a rut of hoping we're doing the right thing but feeling fairly sure we could be doing it better. We're suffering a constant erosion of our judgment. A Mori poll in Scotland revealed that four fifths of Scottish parents have no confidence in their ability to raise their families without professional guidance. It's the money that's done it, or so says Oliver James in his book Affluenza. But who wants to be poor? Not the 15 per cent of poor kids who aren't being fed, that's for sure. Funny, isn't it, how that part of the survey didn't get so much attention?
That's the whole point of being a neurotic American, though, and it's why advertisers and politicians love to see us in this state. Labour TD Mary Upton capitalised on the neurosis this week by suggesting that schools be given the resources to test Ribena to ensure it contains the Vitamin C claimed on the label. Nervous wrecks are great consumers because they buy lots of stuff they don't need in order to make them feel they're doing something. Nervous wrecks are so worried about the little things - such as which breakfast bar to feed the kids - that they don't notice the big things - such as the fact that their kids are in schools with cripplingly large class sizes. In 2005, the National Obesity task force recommended, as one of its main provisions, that the Government invest in more sports facilities in schools. The recommendations are still awaiting action. It was 2004 when we were given the opinions of the second Strategic Task Force on Alcohol, which included a ban on alcohol sponsorship. That's still awaiting action too.
But who needs action, when we can enjoy worrying? Pass the Flora. No make it butter, more natural. Or should it be olive oil? Oh, forget the bread, too many carbs. The Atkins Diet is back in fashion - apparently it didn't kill people after all.
It never ends.
