Kevin Courtney'sguide to Christmas-themed singles, downloads and free audiostreams.

MALCOLM MIDDLETON
We're All Going to Die  Full Time Hobby ****

One half of arch-miserablists Arab Strap makes his doomed bid for a Christmas No 1 with this jolly, electro-powered tune that's sure to dampen any seasonal spirit. "People don't want to be lied to by Cliff Richard anymore," says Middleton, who compares dying to writing a letter to Santa: "Unless you've been a good boy or girl, you're f***ed."

THE BLACK ARTS
Christmas Number One Fantastic Plastic ***

Who's that dressed like Roy Wood from Wizzard? Why, it's that old trickster Luke Haines, whose band Black Box Recorder has teamed up with Eddie Argos from Art Brut for this clever tune about the song that ate Christmas. Sarah Nixey does a great sexy Santa voice, but will Christmas Number One be a self-fulfilling prophesy?

ASOBI SEKSU
Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight) One Little Indian ***

The New York art-punk- psychedelic rockers cover the classic Christmas single by fellow New Yorkers The Ramones. With yummy vocals from singer Yuki, this sounds like Blondie crossed with Shonen Knife. Get it free from www.asobiseksu.com/ audio.php.

SIMONE WHITE
Christmas Makes Me Blue Honest Jon's ****

Are you dreaming of a sh**e Christmas? Does Ho! Ho! Ho! make you go boo-hoo-hoo? Well, you've got a friend in this Hawaiian chanteuse, the perfect accompaniment to the festive fear. With this acoustic-jazz lament, Simone is decking the halls with melancholy.