Male bonding is one thing, but how many straight men would go on 'man dates' if beer and sport were not involved, wonders Shane Hegarty

New Yorkers love going on dates. They're famous for it. But not everyone is so keen, apparently. A recent article in the New York Times pondered the phenomenon of the "man date", since when the catchy little phrase has caught on quickly.

What is a man date? It is two heterosexual men meeting without the crutch of beer or sport. They might go for dinner, or visit an art gallery together. It does not mean going for a few pints and rounding off the evening with a trip to the chipper. Ultimately, the article explained, it is "two guys meeting for the kind of outing a straight man might reasonably arrange with a woman".

Apparently, straight men are uncomfortable with meeting face-to-face in any environment not swilling with testosterone because they worry that people might think they are gay. A dinner for two is portrayed as a desperately awkward scenario. Sharing a bottle of wine while eating is a big no-no. There should be no candles unless there is a power failure. The most innocent question from the waiter - "Still or sparkling water?" - can trigger much manly grunting and squirming in the seat. There are power issues over who pays. Often the meal is abandoned in favour of a few manly beers at a bar. They wouldn't think about going for walks together or going to the theatre. Here is one of the men interviewed giving his account of a visit to the Museum of Modern Art: "We shuffled. We probably both pretended to know less about the art than we did." According to Peter Nardi, a Californian professor of sociology and editor of the book Men's Friendships: "The opportunities to get close to another man, to share and talk about their feelings, are not available after a certain age."

There is, it turns out, quite a body of academic literature on the topic, such as The Bonds of Men: Problems and Possibilities in Close Male Friendship and What Kind of Male Friendship? A Case Study of Joey and Chandler in Friends. The movie Sideways is considered one long, drunken man date. They used to call them "road movies", but that tag would appear to be a little tired for the arbiters of the zeitgeist.

Of course, there is one obvious flaw with the theory of the male date. "Can't two gay friends go on a man date too?" asks Dr Peter Hegarty, an Irish lecturer in psychology at the University of Surrey. "I'm happy that straight men in the US can share a bottle of wine, and troubled if they were ever duped by homophobic culture into thinking that they shouldn't. However, anxiety about 'man dates' belies some peculiar ideas about discernable differences between gay and straight men. For one thing, it assumes that two gay men seen in public together are necessarily on a date - which is obviously not always true."

There was a time when men could enjoy close friendships, explains the New York Times, but an increased awareness and stigma against homosexuality made men much more self-conscious during the 20th century, while the encroachment of women into traditionally male spaces made them more defensive of their masculinity.

"Do you want me to be honest? It would have crossed my mind," says Freddie (50), who regularly meets a friend for dinner. "It would depend on the venue. We would go for lunch regularly and most of the tables have two men at it, having business lunches. But for dinner, it's a different kettle of fish. If it was a candle-lit dinner in the evening at a salubrious venue, it might give the wrong impression. But we wouldn't head to that sort of venue anyway, we would prefer a bright, bistro atmosphere."

What about walks? "I definitely wouldn't have a problem going for walks together. I've even shopped with men. I prefer it to shopping with women. They're too slow."

A quick straw poll found that most men were happy to have lunch, cycling holidays and even trips to the theatre with friends without needing to top it off with a lap dance in Angels. They'd even cook for a friend at home, although, says the New York Times, this "violates the man date comfort zone for almost everyone, with a possible exemption for grilling or deep-frying". Like Freddie, most men make the point that they wouldn't opt for a romantic atmosphere in the way they would for a woman, any more than two gay men would if they weren't partners.

"The article suggests these men are also afraid of being perceived as gay because they understand it to be embarrassing," adds Dr Hegarty. "It's not, and if they think anyone in New York is shocked by, or even interested in, seeing openly gay men at a museum they are living in an alternate universe." Perhaps in sprawling New York, where the date is embedded in the cultural fabric and a meeting needs logistical planning, it takes on a different resonance. Or maybe it's just the latest creation of a clever journalist trying to coin a new trend.

Whatever, it means we're no longer talking about the previous buzz phrase "metrosexual". You can mention that at your next man date.