'If you are happy you should grasp at the happiness when you can. You never know what will happen." Betty Vicker-O'Connor, from Waterford, has just been to

Tuesday's garden party at Buckingham Palace for the widows of those who fought in the second World War, and for the men who survived. She was married to Maj

Edward ("Vic") Vicker who was killed during the Battle of the Bulge, shortly before the war ended. During their five years of marriage they had spent only 30

days living together.

Betty told her story on Loved Ones, a VE commemoration series made by

Channel 4 in 1995. The result was an invitation to the Queen's garden party this week. "It was quite a thing to walk up the steps of Buckingham Palace. There was a red carpet. The palace was full of beautiful pictures and china in glass cases. I would have loved more time to look around." The afternoon was spent sipping tea in the garden "in the sizzling heat". She wore a navy and beige silk outfit with a navy straw hat: "At least it didn't rain".

The food was "terrific": "There were dainty sandwiches, hors d'oeuvres, ice cream, a delicious chocolate cake, lemon cake." There was an impressive turn-out of dignitaries. "The queen wore pink and looked really well. Princess Anne wore pale yellow and Prince Charles looked very tanned, he must have been sunbathing.

Mr and Mrs Major were there, and Margaret Thatcher, along with Denis".

The 2,000 guests at the party sat at tables for four, while the royals and other bigwigs had tea elsewhere, after passing through the crowd. "The queen smiled very sweetly at us and the band played." Betty sat with three war widows from Northern Ireland: Joy West, Ann Mills and Margaret Kearney. "We all had hats and gloves, it was very proper."

Betty met Vic, who was from Broadstairs in Kent, when he moved to Waterford to work for Downes Mineral Water Distributors. She was 18.

When they started going out together, the meetings had to be kept secret, as she knew her parents would not approve of Vic, who was 12 years older than her and was not only English, but Anglican. "There was a lot of prejudice at that time against English people and Protestants." Eventually the pair were found out: "We went to the pictures one night and ended up sitting right next to my father and mother." Vic eventually converted to Catholicism.

"Vic was so thoughtful about everything. When we'd go to the pictures, he'd always bring me a little box of Black Magic. I still love Black Magic."

Betty was very upset when "the damn war started, and Vic felt he had to join up. His father had been in the first World War. I was furious he had to go away." They had been going out for a year and a half. They eventually married in

1941.

"He landed in the first three minutes of D Day. He said if he got through that he'd get through anything. He went all through France and Germany, but then he was killed by a sniper in Marche on the border of Luxembourg and Germany during the Battle of the Bulge. He was leading infantry through the snow."

IT was January, he was feeling the cold and hadn't slept for days. She was expecting him to come to Ireland for a few days' leave. Betty has fond memories of meeting him in Dublin on the rare occasions when he did get leave. They stayed in the Shelbourne: "It was great going up to meet him, but going away was dreadful. I'd be crying for days."

Then Betty received the telegram. "All it said was `Regret to inform you,

Major Edward Vicker killed in action.' I didn't cry. I was furious. I had had such strong faith in the power of prayer. I couldn't believe he'd been killed."

Nowadays, her chief source of delight is her daughter, actress and producer,

Aine O'Connor, child of her second marriage, and her grandson, Gavin, who is seven.

Vic is buried in Namur, on the border between Germany and Luxembourg: "I

never went to visit his grave. I suppose I should. Maybe I will one day".