1. Slipping a brown envelope across the table and wondering if there would be any space for the press release carried inside . . . after buying you lunch.

2. "Hi, I'm Steve/Samantha from Whizding PR in London - my client employs 20 people there and their managing director is coming to your country next week and we were wondering if you could make breakfast."

3. Wanting to know who will be coming to the press conference on Wednesday fortnight next . . . "and could you send a photographer?" It'll be a big event (though I can't tell you what it is . . . stock exchange rules, you know).

4. (At 5 p.m. on a Friday) "I know you're busy at this time on a Friday, but I wanted to talk to you about the big event we are holding next week."

5. ( At 6 p.m. on Friday ) "I know you're busy at this time on a Friday but my client has just gone bust/been arrested/absconded/killed his wife."

6. Ringing to ask if something that hasn't got into the paper on four previous days might make it on day five . . . with the picture.

7. Looking for a favour, for a big new client . . . just this once.

8. Sending a picture of a model with a surfboard to publicise anything to do with the Internet . . . it's even worse if the gawking "suit" is adjacent.

9. "Hoi! I just loved your piece this morning . . . it was so insightful . . . by the way I'll have something on the fax in a moment . . . "

10. Telling you how much money they are making from giving "strategic advice" to clients ("it's much more about keeping them out of the papers than getting them in, you know"). And then ringing to see if you got their press release.