All right, no truth in the rumour that the passports-for-sale scheme is due to be replaced by passports for rent. Makes sense in a way, of course, with most passports greatly under-utilised by the ordinary occasional traveller, but not strictly logical.

Logic, is it?

First, Dublin Bus logic. One of our letter-writers has ventured to ask why a refundable receipt issued by Dublin Bus on the airport route from Busaras could not be offset against a trip three days later on the return journey. This unfortunate man asks if Dublin Bus would care to explain the logic involved.

He is wasting his time: they wouldn't. He may as well ask Dublin Bus to explain the logic of the world-famous non-opening central doors, and the sign which advises passengers to leave by these doors, which are apparently opened only between two and three p.m. on the first Tuesday in November, and then only at the discretion of the driver and his tolerance of enraged passengers on the day.

The logic of replacing the useful ten-journey bus pass with a two-journey ("2 Easy") pass, whereby the weekly commuter now has to buy five bits of cardboard instead of one, is similarly unassailable in the Dublin Bus marketing offices. It may have something to do with the dinky new environmentally hostile plastic wallets which come free with these tickets, but then again it may not.

Dublin Bus logic is a higher form of logic, not accessible to the man in the street, and even less accessible to the bus passenger. One might as well ask why the company's reputedly fabulous new bus, the "Stillorgan Flyer" as it has been christened, has been introduced while most of us bus-users - way ahead in the branding game - are still being transported by means of filthy clapped-out conveyances like the Terenure Belcher, the Rathmines Roarer, the Templeogue Thrasher and the Donnybrook Dinosaur.

Even superior to the logic of Dublin Bus, however, is the logic of vintners.

Last week, the incoming president of the Vintners Federation and Cobh publican John Mansworth noted that under the current licensing laws, adult drinkers visiting public houses are "being treated like children".

As everyone knows, all syllogisms related to the vintner's trade are questionable, being based on licensed premises. However, the logic in this case may be that treating adult drinkers like children is the only fair way of evening things up, because so many under-age drinkers, happily purchasing drink in public houses and in off-licences, are being treated like adults.

Similarly, it is interesting to see publicans called on by their organisation to increase vigilance in order to combat drug abuse in public houses.

At first, readers may have foolishly imagined the vintners wanted to see people imbibe their preferred drug, i.e. alcohol, in moderation. But that is not what they mean. They are talking about all those terrible proscribed drugs, instead of the permitted, hugely promoted and utterly harmless drug in which vintners deal.

Logic, is it. I understand that the NDDA - the National Drug Dealers Association - is also under pressure from concerned members to help stamp out alcohol abuse. "It's just another drug", one member explained to me, "but we think it's time it was outlawed. A level playing field is all we ask for, tilted in our favour for a change."

The logic involved in the vintners' demands for longer opening hours is also impenetrable.

The publicans told heart-breaking stories last week about "decent, law-abiding citizens" who found "time" called in public houses just when they were getting into their stride. This was supposedly happening because people were going out to pubs later than they used to.

The publican logic appeared to be that this was a cultural phenomenon, bringing us more into line with mad Spaniards and the like, going out for dinner followed by a feed of drink at midnight and even later. It did not occur to the vintners that people might be going out to the pubs later because drink prices seem to rise by the week, and if they went out earlier, they would end up drunker and poorer.

The only logical thing about the vintners get-together last week was its venue, Tralee, whose annual Rose Festival is one of the biggest mass public drug - beg pardon, alcohol abuse events of the year.