People who are worried about the mental health of a loved one should knock on that person’s door because they may not have as much time left as we assume, according to singer Sandy Kelly who lost her only sister to suicide.
The country singer, who is set to speak publicly about her experience later this month, said people who are struggling might not feel able to reach out or to talk about how they are feeling.
“But my message would be that if you’re worried about someone, don’t be afraid to knock on their door, even if you believe you won’t be welcome or that they might be angry,” said the Co Sligo entertainer. “If the time to do that runs out, it is like a bolt to the head.”
The country singer, who recorded in Nashville with Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson and Glen Campbell, is due to address a health and wellbeing information event on April 27th. It will be hosted by Geevagh GAA club, the Co Sligo representative in the Lidl One Good Club, an initiative supported by the Ladies’ Gaelic Football Association and Jigsaw, a national mental health support service for young people.
Kelly’s only sibling Barbara, who sang with her as part of The Duskeys when they represented Ireland in the 1982 Eurovision Song Contest, died by suicide in October 2018. She said Barbara hadn’t wanted to see her in the run-up to her death, something that happened periodically over the years.
“If I had to do [it] again, I would have knocked on her door. And I wish she had knocked on mine. You do take time for granted. You think it is always going to be there. I suppose I have learned from that that you have to do it today.”
The country music star said she was grateful that she did not have any cross words with her sister. “I learned a long time ago, as Philomena Begley says, when you open your mouth, yawn.”
Community mental health nurse Valerie Cogan, one of the organisers of the April 27th event which takes place in St Brigid’s church, Highwood, in Co Sligo, said there was urgent need to counter isolation and loneliness.
“We live in a world where we can communicate with one another like never before and yet we live in a world where people are lonely and disconnected from one another,” she said.
“Through our work as community mental health nurses, the one common denominator that causes the most problems is loneliness and the feeling of isolation. Sometimes the most connected people are the most disconnected.”
The information meeting will also be addressed by All-Ireland footballer and RTÉ pundit Cora Staunton; mental health consultant Frank Diamond; consultant psychiatrist in the Sligo/Leitrim mental health services, Dr Eimear McGuire; and singer Seán Keane who will speak about dealing with grief.
Sandy Kelly, who has a 41-year-old daughter, also called Barbara, with special needs, said she believes every family is touched by mental health issues. After she highlighted the lack of supports, including respite available for families during lockdown, she said many people shared their stories with her.
“I tell myself everyday how grateful I am that my daughter is as good as she is because she walks and talks. She feeds herself and I bring her to gigs.
“But I know a woman whose child cannot walk or talk or feed herself. I know a mother who is afraid of her adult sons. People like my daughter don’t have a voice so politicians don’t care about them.
“And many parents are so exhausted they don’t shout their mouths off like I do. But they desperately need respite.”