Personality is the combination of characteristics or qualities that form a person’s unique and distinctive character. These characteristics include major traits, values, interests, motivations, abilities, their sense of self and emotional patterns. There is an assumption that we cannot change the type of person we are, that our traits are fixed and long-standing. After all, these traits developed and evolved from the moment we were born.
How difficult would it be to change something so ingrained within us?
According to Dr Jillian Doyle, a member of the Psychological Society of Ireland, the environmental factors into which we are born – family, culture, socioeconomic background and era – interact with our genetic predisposition and influence how personality traits show up. “For instance,” Dr Doyle explains, “a child who’s genetically predisposed to be curious might develop a love for learning in a supportive and stimulating environment, while in a restrictive setting that curiosity might go unnoticed, or they might learn that they have to hide it as it gets them into trouble with their caregivers.”
Attachment styles, which have a strong influence over our behaviours, attitudes and coping strategies, can also play a role in how a person’s personality is shaped. “Attachment styles form early in childhood based on experiences with significant caregivers,” explains Dr Doyle. “Your attachment style is the way that you keep yourself feeling safe and secure in these relationships and forms the blueprint for managing other relationships throughout the lifespan.”
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Added to that, personality is shaped by a mix of genetics, environment and life experiences. Each of these elements plays a unique role. “Think of it like baking a cake,” says Dr Doyle. “Genetics provide the basic ingredients, but how the ‘cake’ turns out also depends on the environment and experiences. Genetics set up certain tendencies or predispositions, such as whether someone is more naturally outgoing or more reserved.”
If personality is determined by so many influences and factors which we may not even be aware of, then surely static personalities and concrete traits can also go through a transformation. Perhaps a person can change their personality, alter their characteristics, become a different version of themselves. Science says we can.
Changing thinking patterns, attitudes and being conscious of your reactions and actions is a good way to cultivate new personality traits that will hopefully serve you better
Past evidence, which we now know was limited in scope, suggested that personality traits were somewhat static, meaning it was easy to box a person into a questionnaire about their personality and thereby determine their future choices. It’s one of the reasons career guidance at one time focused on personality tests, aligning traits with suitable careers.
Researchers have continually tackled the assumption that a person’s personality is static and have found that life experiences lead to adjustments in our personalities, adapting and refining who we are as individuals.
When asked the question of whether people can change their personality traits, Dr Doyle answered yes. However, she followed this with the understanding that changing our traits is not easy. “It’s a gradual process,” she says, “rather than an overnight transformation. Personality has some stable elements, but research shows that with intention and effort, people can shift traits over time.”
She explains that if we consider personality traits as a “default mode” we may notice how we naturally lean towards being more introverted or extroverted, emotionally sensitive or thick-skinned. However, just because we have those tendencies doesn’t mean we’re locked into them forever. “Life experiences, therapy and personal goals can all influence how these traits show up,” says Dr Doyle. “For example, someone who’s naturally more introverted can, through practice, become more socially confident and outgoing if that’s something they genuinely want. Similarly, people can work on becoming more patient, open-minded or resilient.”
While changing attitudes and habits that are ingrained within our personality is possible, it “takes time, self-awareness, patience and self-compassion”. A person’s long-serving attitudes and habits are there because they make a person feel comfortable within themselves and the space they occupy. However, they are not always helpful. Changing thinking patterns, attitudes and being conscious of your reactions and actions is a good way to cultivate new personality traits that will hopefully serve you better.
“There are a number of steps in changing attitudes and habits,” says Dr Doyle. “The first step is awareness. You have to notice when a habit or attitude isn’t serving you well. For example, if a person keeps falling into the same pattern of relationships the first step is to recognise the pattern and their role in it and to develop a compassionate understanding of how this pattern has developed. The second step is to tune into the behaviours that aren’t serving them well and gradually over time work on these. For example, if a person has a habit of getting into relationships where they push down their own needs in service of the needs of another, perhaps they could notice when this comes up in a new relationship and set some boundaries for themselves. They could then reflect on what this is like and what are the barriers to sticking to the boundaries.”
When trying to make changes, consistency is key, advises Dr Doyle. “Repeating new behaviours reinforces them over time, which is how habits form. When setbacks happen, as they usually do, self-compassion is important. With persistence and patience, people can change both their habits and attitudes, gradually building a mindset that aligns better with the life they want.”
If a person is eager to make changes, Dr Doyle offers the following advice. “First, motivation is key,” she says, “but it works best when it’s meaningful and personally important. If someone wants to change just because they feel pressured by others, it’s harder to stick with it. When a goal connects deeply with a person’s values or wellbeing, that internal motivation becomes a powerful driver.”
She also advises to set small realistic goals which are more likely to lead to success. “Change can feel overwhelming,” she says, “so breaking it down into tiny, manageable steps can make all the difference. Instead of trying to completely overhaul a habit, focusing on one or two small actions builds confidence and momentum.”
Finally, Dr Doyle recognises that support is also important. “Whether from friends, family or a therapist, encouragement and accountability keep people on track, especially when motivation dips, which it often does,” she says.
And lastly, Dr Doyle suggests that self-compassion matters. “Change is rarely linear, and setbacks are normal. Being kind to yourself, instead of giving up. It makes it easier to bounce back and keep going, turning initial efforts into lasting change.”
