Forget Panama hats, which are actually made in Ecuador. And don't spend too long on the famous canal. Sarah Marriott offers a guided tour of Panama's mountains and islands, where tourists seldom tread and women rule the roost
The world is your oyster. You have two months to spend abroad. You don't have lots of money and you want to speak Spanish. Where do you go? I picked the Central American republic of Panama because it's small - the size of Ireland - and has unspoilt natural resources, indigenous people who retain their culture and, most importantly, few tourists. It's also safe. Now that the former dictator Manuel Noriega is enjoying the hospitality of a Florida prison, no other Panamanian is likely to prompt the US to invade by declaring war on it.
Panamanians are still divided on the subject of the US incursion, in December 1989. As with a more recent "liberation", some say it was the only way to get rid of a corrupt leader while others believe the price paid by poor people was too high. What makes travelling around Panama so enjoyable is that local people - most of whom are mestizo, or mixed race - will drop everything to discuss presidential politics, the future of the canal, the environment, an alcoholic husband, a local witch or the price of rice.
The canal
Panama has one of the man-made wonders of the modern world. It's 80 kilometres (50 miles) long, almost 100 years old and claimed more than 25,000 lives as it was built. Panama's most famous landmark was constructed by the US to provide a shipping short cut between the Pacific and the Atlantic oceans. It's unthinkable to miss what is often called the crossroads of the world.
The first signs of the canal are the huge tankers and container ships under the Bridge of the Americas, waiting their turn to go up. The area around the waterway, known as the Panama Canal Zone, is like a slice of US suburbia, as thousands of Americans spent years mowing lawns and trying to tame the jungle when the zone was under US control. Until 1999, when authority reverted to Panama, Panamanians needed permission to enter the zone. Anyone can enter now.
The first set of locks at the Pacific end of the canal is the Miraflores, where a guide bombards us with facts and figures. No pumps are used to raise or lower ships: it's all done by gravity; it takes nine hours to navigate the canal; it can save ships from a journey of 8,000 miles; the biggest fee paid was $165,000 (€125,000), by a cruise ship; the smallest was 36 cents (27 cent), by an American who swam the canal in 1926. But the sight of a container ship rising the height of three double-decker buses in less than 10 minutes, obscuring the rainforest behind, says it all.
The islands
Although most of Panama's islands are off the Pacific coast, the main archipelagos are on the Caribbean side. Just south of Costa Rica lies Bocas del Toro, settled by descendants of African slaves and West Indian canal workers - and heralded as the place for tourism to take off.
But it's raining there, so I head for the Pacific coast, after watching stocky cowboys lasso calves at the rodeo in David, Panama's second city.
An unusually silent boatman takes me to the rustic resort run by Frank, a German Tom Waits doppelganger who insults his guests, then dances the merengue with them on Saturday nights.
The thickly forested island of Boca Brava is teeming with wildlife: butterflies are as big as birds; the troops of howler monkeys are easy to see and hear (they're not called howlers for nothing, we all complain at 4am); 280 species of bird are said to visit, and a US research team is getting excited about the mating habits of lance-tailed manakins - but I am lucky enough not to see the boa constrictor that regularly visits the restaurant.
I do, however, meet "Capitan" Lewis, a retired Hollywood set designer living on a boat that was used in Captain Ron, a 1992 comedy with Kurt Russell. Lewis, a 70-year-old US vegetarian campaigner, is turning a tiny island into a private zoo, to domesticate animals and birds. As we haul sacks of feed up the cliff, we're surrounded by monkeys, emus, geese, turkeys and strange varieties of pheasants, all looking for dinner. I feel as if I'm in a film but can't decide if it's Jurassic Park or Dr Dolittle.
Some animals are quite timid, but after a couple of hours a fawn is licking my toes while a capuchin monkey sits in my lap and a goose pushes at my hand for a scratch. Lewis has built little square tents of perspex, so I go to sleep watching stars, listening to the waves and knowing that I'm safe from the capuchin monkey on the roof. The next morning there's nothing for breakfast: the monkey has stolen it all. Time to leave Capitan Lewis to talk to his animals.
The Indians
Bleary-eyed at 4.30am, I check in and give my weight and age to the ground staff while trying not to stare at the strikingly beautiful women of the Kuna tribe. All under 150cm (5ft) tall and with boyish haircuts, they wear elaborate applique blouses, batik-style sarongs and red-and-yellow headscarves; their lower arms and legs are hidden by dozens of coloured beads. The Kuna, who have a hunter-gatherer culture, control the 365 San Blas islands - or Kuna Yala, land of the Kuna - where they live and fish, and a 250km (155-mile) strip of mainland jungle, which they farm. Seen from the air, the Caribbean isles that stretch east from Panama City, the capital, to Colombia are like children's pictures of Robinson Crusoe's island: white beaches topped with coconut trees seem to float in crystal-clear water. Some islands are no bigger than a phone box - with one lonely coconut tree - but others are a few hectares in size and crammed with thatched bamboo huts.
More than 50,000 Kuna live on the 49 populated islands; I'm staying in a traditional sandy-floored bamboo hut in the grandly named San Blas Hotel on Red Snapper Island. For $35 (€27) a day you get as much fish as you can eat, a hammock on the beach and boat trips. The Kuna Yala is not for anyone expecting the facilities of modern life: there are no roads, restaurants or electricity, locals get around by dugout canoe, and fresh water must be fetched from the mainland.
For a National Geographic paradise, it's surprisingly free of tourists. On my first excursion with the other hotel guests (a 73-year-old island junkie from Switzerland and a Canadian voluntary worker on holiday from Honduras) the boatman hands us plastic tablecloths to protect our shorts and T-shirts from the waves. We laugh, but after 10 wet and scarily bumpy minutes in the motorised canoe we copy the locals and wrap ourselves up like parcels.
Land anywhere, even for five minutes on an empty island, and the owner will appear in a canoe to collect her $1 (75 cent) rent. It's always a woman: Kuna culture is matriarchal, and men cannot inherit land or property.
Just when we think the day of snorkelling among tropical fish and coral by a wreck can't get any better, we discover that a woman displaying embroidered blouses sells cold beer from a gas-powered fridge.
The Kuna's intricate belief system and traditional matriarchal culture are explained the next day when we visit the museum on Crab Island. Kuna believe that they are descended from the stars and that women are next to God. All their festivals celebrate womanhood, from naming to menstruation and puberty, and when men get married they join their wives' families. Marriage isn't exactly a partnership: women make all the decisions, which seems to suit men fine.
"If I haven't worked hard enough, my wife tells me I can't go to drink chichi" - sugar-cane spirit - "at parties," says Jose Davies, the archivist (who is incongruously wearing a Michael Jackson T-shirt). "I don't mind," he laughs.
The mountains
From Panama City a luxury bus - seven hours of freezing air conditioning and violent videos for $10 - takes me to the western highlands, near Costa Rica. Known as the land of fruit and flowers, this is where most of Panama's fresh produce is grown, in fertile volcanic soil; it's also cattle, horse and coffee country.
Near the extinct volcano and 380m (1,250ft) above sea level, the area around Boquete attracts US and Swiss retirees, who are snapping up land and opening businesses in the "valley of eternal spring" because the microclimate reminds them of home. The fine mist that sweeps down the valley is refreshing in the hot sun and creates fat rainbows that begin and end in the river rushing through town.
Boquete is fairly touristy by Panama standards, which is enjoyable when you've spent a month without the internet, English-language newspapers, familiar food or espressos. It's also one of the few places providing visitors with things to do; adventure companies offer hiking, biking, kayaking, horse riding and white-water rafting.
But you don't have to break a sweat to keep busy. Never having seen a coffee bush, I take a tour of an eco-coffee plantation. Rodrigo Fernandez shows me where my morning coffee comes from: 50-year-old bushes produce tiny white flowers that last just a day before turning into green buds that ripen until they are big red fruits ready to be picked by hand and dried.
GO FOR IT
A trip to Panama really means independent travel, rather than a package deal. There are no direct flights from either Ireland or the UK, so the best option for Irish people is to book flights etc through Trailfinders on Dawson Street, Dublin 2 (01-6777888). They recommend flying with Iberia, Delta or Continental Airlines. Continental flies from Dublin to Panama City (with free optional stopover in New York), at prices starting at €900 including tax. See also: www.delta.com, www.continental.com, www.iberia.com. NB: If buying flights yourself online, make sure you book for Panama City, Panama and not for Panama City Beach, Florida.
NICE TO KNOW
Panama is shaped like an S lying on its side; the canal crosses the narrowest part. Touristy Costa Rica lies to the west and unsafe Colombia to the east, but the almost impenetrable jungle of the Darien Gap means there is no land route between Central and South America.
The country's most famous export, the Panama hat, is actually an import from Ecuador. During the building of the canal, thousands of workers wore them to keep off the the sun, and the headgear subsequently became associated with Panama.
The republic has more 3,000km (1,900 miles) of coastline and more than 1,500 islands, many of them uninhabited and unexplored. It has 16 national parks and more than 1,000 species of bird.
Panama's best-known son, General Manuel Noriega, is imprisoned in the US.
The official language is Spanish. English is spoken in areas settled by Africans. Indigenous people speak their native languages, although children learn Spanish.
Panamanian cuisine is based on meat; the staples are beef or chicken stews served with rice and beans. Vegetarians will have a hard time, but Atkins dieters (if there are any left) will love it. Tourist resorts offer lobster and other fresh seafood, as well as burgers, salads, pizzas and so on. Tropical juices and smoothies are everywhere.
LEARN MORE
Plan a holiday (booking hotels, tours etc): www.visitpanama.com, www.panamatours.com. Adventure holiday packages: www.exodus.co.uk, www.explore.co.uk