Children's parties can be a nightmare for parents, but a little planning goes a long way, writes SHEILA WAYMAN
NO EXPENSE has been spared for Gracie’s sixth birthday, from the horse-drawn Cinderella carriage in which she arrives at a “fairytale” party, to the costumes provided for all 200 guests. But it still ends in tears when the little girl has a strop because the bird on top of the multi-tiered birthday cake is purple and “it is supposed to be blue”.
Children’s birthday parties are the latest fodder for reality TV in the US. Gracie’s $32,000 (€23,000) birthday bash featured in the recent first episode of a new series, Outrageous Kid Parties, showing on the cable network The Learning Channel (TLC).
We can safely say “only in America” – since the trend towards ever more extravagant children’s birthday parties has stalled in this country. However, parents still want to make their child’s big day memorable.
Some parents go to a huge amount of trouble, says Karina Cotter, founder of childrensparties.ie and a mother of three who lives in Wicklow. She set up the website a year ago, after seeing a need for a “one-stop” party site when her older daughters, twins, started Montessori.
“At the end of the day it is all about our little babies, isn’t it? Most people want their child’s party to be as good as everybody else’s – not in a snobby way but you want your child to feel their day was just as special as everybody else’s.” However, it doesn’t have to cost a fortune, she stresses.
Aileen Dennison likes her children’s parties to be personal, family occasions. For the first time, she enlisted the help of an entertainer, Genie Mackers, for her eldest daughter Rebecca’s sixth party as the guest list was hitting 30 and there was no guarantee that March weather would allow them to play games outside at her grandparents’ house in Athgoe, Co Dublin.
“It was a big decision to get somebody in.” But she was delighted she did. “She had the children eating out of her hand. To see their faces – it was priceless.”
As soon as a child starts pre-school, parents are introduced to the birthday party circuit. Here is a guide to planning, protocol and pitfalls.
Home or away? You can’t beat the personal touch – host the party at home if you have the space and the time to organise it.
Children under six are easily pleased so don’t underestimate how much they enjoy being with their friends, playing traditional party games. But you have to be prepared and schedule activities to fill the time rather than trying to improvise on the day.
In the summer, if you can have a bouncy castle and a picnic in the garden (weather permitting), it is easier.
If you do not relish the role of in-house entertainer, there is no shortage of professionals offering to do it for you, from magicians and crafts people to chefs and scientists (see panel).
However, for many, the hassle-free option of an away venue is worth every euro, particularly as the children get older and less biddable.
“If you are working all week, the last thing you need is a load of children arriving into your house,” says Cotter. “You have to be very organised, do the food and all the bits and pieces, and then you have to clean up afterwards.
“I think for a lot of people it is the convenience of the venue and, at the end of the day, does it actually cost you that much more?” she asks. When you factor in all the things you have to do at home, there may not be a big difference.
There is a wider choice than ever of venues, ranging from play centres and leisure facilities to art studios and cookery schools. If you don’t want it at home but detest the party assembly line at your nearest play centre, the answer can be to rent a local hall, bring in an entertainer or sports instructor (see fitkids.ie) to run it, and provide your own food.
Guest list: When the party is at home, you can be more flexible on numbers without damaging your bank balance (can’t say the same for your furniture), but if you are using a venue that charges per head, you need to stick to a budget.
If you are able to invite the child’s whole class, drawing up the guest list is very simple. For everybody else, whittling the numbers down can be complicated.
The gender approach is simple and transparent but depressingly sexist – a boy invites all the boys in his class, a girl all the girls. Otherwise, you need to set an optimum number and work through the class, weighing up degrees of friendship.
Just because Charlie invited your child to his party does not mean you have to return the favour if your child prefers others (although, if you are good friends with Charlie’s mum, that becomes trickier . . . ). Do watch for a sole child in a particular group being left out and extend the list if necessary.
Parents of twins don’t necessarily expect them to be invited as a “package”, especially if they are mixed gender and/or in separate classes, but in some cases one twin will not go without the other. If in doubt, have a word with the parent.
Invitations: Most primary schools ask parents not to distribute invitations through the classroom, unless every child in the class is invited. But doing it at the school gate is not a whole lot better, unless you are extremely discreet. It is not only the children you risk upsetting – some parents get offended if they see their child being left out, as everybody likes to think their child is popular.
A party invitation by text is common now – only snag being that it can’t be stuck up on the fridge.
Presents: Yes, children do get too many presents at birthday parties, isn’t that part of the thrill? If you feel strongly about your children being indulged, availing of schemes such as Oxfam’s Pass the Present or inviting donations to another relevant charity – a children’s hospital or an animal rescue shelter perhaps – is a nice idea. But such altruism should not be forced on a child.
When it comes to giving presents, do what is right for your budget and don’t worry about what other people might be buying. While €10-€15 might be considered the going rate, less is fine.
“Even if you have the money to go over the top, I don’t think it is fair to put pressure on other people,” says Cotter. She has noticed a trend towards more practical presents, such as pyjamas, rather than toys.
The older the child, the harder it gets, which is why envelopes with vouchers start to predominate for children aged nine-plus, who are veterans of the First Communion splurge.
If your child is invited to a party but can’t go, do not feel the slightest obligation to give a gift anyway – unless it is a close friend.
Supervision: Parents of young children sometimes wonder if they are expected to stay at a party. For those aged under three, yes is probably the answer.
And if you are the host, make it clear that the adults are invited, indeed expected, to stay, and cater for them with food and drinks.
After that, it depends on the nature of your child. It is not fair to leave a distressed child in the care of a stressed host, but if it is merely a pang of separation anxiety, reassure the child you will be back soon and leave. Generally, children behave so much better when their mother is not around!
If you are holding a party in a cinema or some other public place, make sure you have plenty of adults – especially if you have to walk them home or to a restaurant. Even at home, sufficient adult supervision is essential – there is usually one who likes to wander.
Food and drink: Some parents may grumble about the sugar-fuelled state in which their children return from parties, but it is to be expected. Cherry tomatoes and carrot sticks will be the leftovers, not the fairy cakes and Rice Krispie buns.
Ideas for the healthier end of the scale include homemade pizza, novelty sandwiches made with cookie cutters and fruit threaded onto cocktail sticks, along with a limited amount of home-baked goodies.
Few birthday venues go beyond the standard sausage and chips or nuggets and chips.
Be relaxed about what your child eats at parties; the occasional indulgence is not going to kill them.
When it comes to the cake, the “wow” factor is all important – children do not care if you bake it or buy it.
Party bags: After providing hours of entertainment and an array of food, a party bag may seem surplus to requirements. But to do without will mean crestfallen faces and even some direct “Where’s my party bag?” inquiries as the little darlings leave the party.
However, no need to overdo it – a couple of edible treats along with a novelty item or two, such as a bottle of bubbles or unusual pencil, are sufficient. If you have the time and the patience to involve your child in creating the bags and something to go in them, all the better.
Birthday “favours”, such as a chocolate bar or fruity lollipops with personalised wrappers that Maria McNulty of Co Laois sells through her website, mariaslittlewrappers.com, can make a nice alternative, or addition, to the party bag.
Saying thank you: Fair play to parents who manage to coax a dozen handwritten thank you notes out of their child within days of the party, but I don’t think anybody (except granny, perhaps) expects one.
Acknowledgment of presents received through a general text message is nice – at least consult your child about the wording even if you are doing the sending. If you have managed to itemise the gifts and the givers during the unwrapping frenzy, personalised texts are even better.
IT'S THEIR PARTY: SO TRY SOMETHING NEW
Looking for something more than musical chairs and pass the parcel? Here are six suggestions:
The entertainer: Entertainers are in great demand for home parties and one who comes with good
word-of-mouth recommendations is Genie Mackers aka Juliette Rahill. An actor, artist and musician, she offers packages for children aged one to nine, which include face-painting, games and magic. Her "fairy" persona is most popular with younger girls, for boys it is usually the "genie" and for older girls, her "disco diva" with karaoke.
Cost: €135-€185. The number of children is only an issue if face-painting is required. See geniemackers.com or tel: 086-3763907.
Murder mystery: Crime scene investigation is Anyone4Science's most popular party for children aged nine-12. To solve the case, children learn about acid-base testing of soil, profiling of suspects and how to use chromatography to analyse handwritten notes. If the notion of a "body" in the living room seems too un-PC, a less violent crime can be investigated. The children "take it very seriously and participate really well", says Christine Campbell, who also does "junior mad" science and bubbles workshops for children aged six to eight, and various other options for the older children, within Leinster.
Cost: Crime scene, €170 for up to 10 children; bubbles workshop, €150 for up to 12 children. See anyone4science. com or tel: 0404-40563.
Pottering around: Ruth O'Sullivan of the Travelling Potter brings pottery painting to your house, for children aged six and over. She guides children through the decoration of mugs, plates or dinosaurs, which are taken away for firing and glazing and returned to the host within the week. Based in Stepaside, Co Dublin, she will travel within a 120km radius.
Cost: €14.50-€18.50 per head, with special offers starting at €12.50. See travellingpotter.com or tel: 086-0268788.
Show time: The Custard Pie Puppet Company, run by Conor Lambert – youngest son of the late, legendary puppeteer, Eugene Lambert – offers a 45-minute, live, interactive puppet show for children's parties anywhere in the Dublin area (although it is planning to extend its reach).
"At birthday parties we encourage, where possible, the whole family to watch the show, so that it is a shared experience," says Lambert. "The adults enjoy the children's reactions and the children enjoy the adults laughing."
Cost: €180 at weekends; special offers midweek – and there is no limit on numbers of children. See custardpie.ie or tel; 071-9616465.
Bake and eat: Cookery parties have the added bonus that children feast on the end products. At the Fairyhouse Cookery School in Co Meath, there is a choice of menus to cook at parties, recommended for ages eight and up (€190 for 10-12 children). Junior Chef in Blackrock, Co Dublin, takes children from age four (starts at €17 per child, minimum number 12).
Pizzaparties.ie, which has bases in Dublin and Limerick, will come to you, armed with dough, choices of six toppings and all the utensils necessary, to help children create their own personal pizzas to be cooked in your oven (price €15 per child, less for bigger numbers).
Flight of fancy: Performing a take-off and landing at Shannon Airport in Co Clare, before heading to JFK airport, sounds like an ace idea for a party – all done through a flight simulator at Atlantic AirVenture Aviation Centre in Shannon town. The one-and-a-half-hour parties are educational too, with a pre-flight lesson and a tour of historic exhibits after the "flying".
Cost: €15 per child, minimum number six, max 16. See atlanticairventure.com or tel: 061-363687.
For more ideas, see schooldays.ie, and you can do regionalised searches on websites such as mykidstime.ie, familyfun.ie and fundays.ie
