How do parents without full-time chidcare cope with the long summer holidays?
I USED to resent those articles headlined “How to survive the summer” which pop up in newspapers at this time of year, targeted at stay-at-home mothers who moan about having the children around all day during the school holidays.
Little they have to complain about, I thought. Weren’t they perfectly placed to make the most of summer?
It was the one time of year that working full-time outside the home would get to me. School days ingrain in all of us that June optimism of warm days stretching into balmy evenings and a slower pace of life.
No matter how much you enjoy your job, you would have to question the sanity of slaving away in an office on a sweltering summer’s day, to make money to pay another woman to sit on a beach with your children.
Admittedly, this being Ireland, those days were rare. All the same, excess time with the children in the absence of demanding schedules seemed closer to bliss than an ordeal. A switch to part-time working from home has not altered my view toomuch – even if that arrangement has its own challenges.
It may not be fun being stuck on a treadmill while all around people seem to be skiving off – but at least full-time working parents of young children have their childcare arrangements in place. For those whose children are too old for childcare but too young for being home alone all day, it is a different story.
While the “overtime” during school holidays can certainly be draining for stay-at-home parents – and mind destroying in the rain – at least they are there for their children. Parents who work outside the home part-time, or who run a business from home, can find the next two months particularly tough – and expensive.
We asked some parents how they cope when school is out:
Stay-at-home father
Gerry Day lives in Clondalkin, Dublin with his wife Bernadette, who works part-time, and their children Matthew (12), Sarah (10) and Rory (7)
The Day family will “hit the ground running” at the start of the holidays with all three children going to the Clondalkin Youth Service Summer Project in the community centre, for activities such as kayaking, fishing, days out, games, arts and crafts, at a very low cost – about €100 for the three of them going most days for two weeks.
For the rest of July, it will be down to Gerry to find ways to entertain them. “There is always this worry that they will come down at 9am, watch Scooby Doo and stay in their pyjamas – and not a lot would be achieved,” he says.
Instead, he will try to organise outings to places such as the Ashtown Visitor Centre in the Phoenix Park, Collins Barracks or the “Dead Zoo”, sometimes with other dads and their children.
“I think it is a little bit different for men, compared with women who can go around to another woman’s house with the kids. As a man you have to be a little more creative and proactive,” says Gerry, who was made redundant from the construction industry but will start an arts degree at NUI Maynooth in September.
“Ultimately, I found that if you bring a football and a couple of tennis rackets and spend the time with them, that is what they are looking for. It doesn’t have to be high falutin’.”
Roles have been reversed for him and Bernadette, who stayed at home for 10 years to mind the children. She is off work during August and they have one week booked in the Nore Valley caravan park in Co Kilkenny, one week in France and two weeks to hang out at home.
Work-at-home mother
Mary O’Doherty runs a start-up business from home in Raheen, Limerick, where she lives with her husband, Fouad Zebakhe, and three children, aged 22, 16 and seven
After 22 years working for multinational companies, Mary faces a very different summer after she and her husband were made redundant by Dell last year. A reliable childminder used to keep their children occupied; now Mary must juggle caring for their youngest child, Zara, with her start-up business, rentandhire.ie.
“I have to plan how I am going to fill her day, while I am physically in the room.” The older two can mind themselves, but have not yet fully grasped the idea that although their mother is at home, she is working and not at their service.
She has booked Zara into three weeks of summer camps and is also trying to make arrangements with other parents. But having worked outside the home, she never used to meet parents at the school or her neighbours.
“That sounds terrible, doesn’t it? I don’t know anybody she can go out to play with.”
Mary’s parents live in Limerick and help out; her 16-year-old son will also look after his little sister – “for a fee”.
One issue with the teenager being off school is that he only gets up at 2.30pm and is not happy that his mother insists he is in by 11.30pm. But she can’t go to bed until he is home and she has work in the morning.
They hope to get away to visit the other grandparents, in Morocco, but first Mary has to organise cover for the business.
Part-time office worker
Helen Campbell works mornings with the Fingal Childcare Committee and lives in Swords, Co Dublin, with her husband, Alan, and children Emma (9) and Robert (8)
Since January, Helen has been planning how to juggle work and childcare during the “eight weeks and four days” that they are off school. “I am very organised because it is a big worry.”
She and her colleagues stagger their holidays and lieu days. Helen takes three weeks’ leave and otherwise pieces arrangements together with the help of her parents and sister.
“I am trying to be as creative and inventive as I can.” The mother of one of her children’s friends is working reduced hours, so they hope to help each other out with minding.
Emma and Robert will both do two weeks of the FAI soccer camp, at a total cost of €300 for the two of them – “it’s pricey but I can’t expect my family to be looking after them all the time”.
Being close in age, they share friends, which is a big help. They also live on a “fantastic road” in Rivervalley where children of all ages play outside – “it is back to nearly like my own childhood. We love it.”
The downside is trying to get her two home at night. “The children can’t get it. Other friends, whose parents don’t work or have been laid off, can sleep on.” She feels guilty dragging them into bed in the evenings and out of it in the mornings.
Helen’s sister, who has two-year-old twins, is very play orientated and good at arranging activities and outings, such as to Howth, to parks in Malahide, Ardgillan and Skerries, museums and art galleries.
The family did not go abroad last year but has a three-week holiday planned this summer. “It’s a killer trying to save for the holidays and then trying to put them in camps,” says Helen. Even with free activities and picnics, it all mounts up.
But she feels very lucky in where they live and in having active, happy and healthy children. “It’s about striking a balance between getting them looked after and having fun.”
Single parent
Deborah O’Loughlin job-shares in a semi-State company and lives in Kimmage, Dublin, with her son Fionn (12)
By saving all her leave and lieu days, Deborah plans to be around for her son during his last summer before secondary school. She will work the week he goes away with his father.
Fionn is happy to be with friends who live nearby and will go with some of them to the “excellent” summer project at Mount Argus.
Deborah hopes to get away with Fionn for a week or two but, being on a tight budget, it will be somewhere in Ireland, to relatives, or friends in a caravan park. She is always on the lookout for free events too.
Does she like this time of year? “I like school much better,” she says with a laugh. “You don’t have to entertain him. He is pre-teen and it is more difficult than when he was seven and I was able to take him anywhere I wanted to go.”
It is also an expensive time. “I am trying to find money for summer camps, holidays and I have got September looming, with school and books and uniforms.”
As with many a single parent and a child, she adds, their relationship is very close. “You only have each other and the summer can be quite intense when you are spending an awful lot of time together.”
It's a job in itself: Finding little things to do
STANDING IN the kitchen, looking at the pouring rain and wondering what on earth to do with six children who were rampaging around the house, proved to be a “eureka” moment for Damian O’Neill and his brother-in-law.
They had the notion of setting up an online resource for parents looking for information and ideas for children’s activities. Fundays.ie started as an all-consuming hobby but has evolved over the past three years and they employ somebody to look after sales while they stick to their day jobs.
“It is incredible the appetite out there for this kind of thing. Last year, we had one and a half million pages viewed, from all sides of the country and internationally as well.”
Apart from their business interest in the site, Damian and his stay-at-home wife, Martina, find it useful for planning how to occupy their own children, Christopher (8), Andrew (4) and Kyle (3).
They have booked the oldest boy into two soccer camps – so far. “He gets bored,” says Damian, “and the summer is very long.” They live among detached houses in Gorey, Co Wexford, and children do not go out to play together the way he did when he was growing up in Dublin.
The younger two will continue to go to the creche in the mornings – “as I say to Martina, ‘that gives you a chance to rebuild the house’”.
The couple make the most of their annual two-week break in Kerry by researching and scheduling activities – with a “dry” and “wet” option for every day. This strategy, he says, is one of the great side effects of what they were trying to do with the website. Searches can be targeted by county or activity – summer camps, adventure centres and birthday parties being the three most popular categories.
As a family, they head off for free activities such as beach walks and mountain climbing. Many adventure camps are open to both adults and children, Damien points out, and he and Christopher enjoyed one in Killary last year.
“I don’t see much of him during the week and he’s at that age where you want to give him a bit of a steer. You need to make the most of Saturday and Sunday and the summer holidays.
“It takes the guilt away,” he adds. “I felt brilliant when we came back from Kerry last year and had done everything – I felt like super dad!”
Mykidstime.ie is a similar online venture, which started as a comprehensive guide to children’s activities in the Galway area but has since spread to other regions, including Dublin north and south, Wexford, Sligo and Cavan. It has A-Z guides to “surviving the summer holidays”.
Although Etain Wilson juggles work as the Galway representative for the site with care of her three children, Cian (10), Darragh (7) and Brogan (5), she is not daunted by the prospect of school holidays. “I might have a different story on August 31st!” she says.
She believes the summer should be “chill-out time”. They are old enough to be painting and doing other activities while she works for a couple of hours in a room beside them.
She has booked the older two into a triathlon camp, with the intention of finding another camp for the youngest, and is scheduling all necessary meetings and appointments for that week. Etain can monitor e-mails on her iPhone while she is out with the children and she will also log on in the evenings.
One idea that works very well with other parents is that on a designated morning each week they go to a different playground around Galway. The novelty of the surroundings and the extra company always makes it a more enjoyable and prolonged outing for children and adults alike.
