There is rich irony in the name of the pub in Quinta Shopping, Quinta do Lago's chichi little shopping centre modelled on Covent Garden. It's called The Melting Pot. Hardly the most apt name in a resort that boasts more captains of industry per square inch than Forbes magazine, where the average holiday home - that's holiday home, note - costs around £1.5 million (€1.9) and the average occupier shoots around in a fat, shiny four wheel drive or sassy soft-top Mercedes.
Quinta Shopping itself is a little designer enclave, a pleasant place to sport your Ralph Lauren casuals over an al fresco coffee after a tough rubber of bridge or a morning by the pool, or an afternoon availing of your privileged access - as a property owner - to a round or two on the Quinta do Lago golf course.
Not every villa carries a golf title - which now costs £50,000 (€63,486) plus annual fees of up to £1,500 (€1,904) on top of the villa - but if, by some misfortune, your little piece of heaven comes without one, why, just follow the example of one Dublin builder. Buy another villa that has (itals) a golf title. Obvious really. Okay, so you end up with two damn big, expensive, houses but what the heck . . . it's only money. And what with it all being off-shore and everything, who's to know?
The same happy builder, like most of Quinta's occupants, flies in and out by private plane of course, but even he has nothing on the Englishman (said to have sold his company for £150 million) who keeps two pilots stashed in the five-star Quinta do Lago hotel, on the off-chance that he might suddenly succumb to ennui over his elevenses and need the jet in a hurry.
Such excesses are legion among people described by discreet estate agents as having "high net worth". Sadly, you won't hear about them from the same estate agents, who break into a sweat at the notion that a captain of industry might think his name had even crossed their lips - even if, like Irish businessman Paul Coulson of Yeomen International, he happens to be presenting, quite publicly, the Tipperary Crystal to the winners of Quinta do Lago's St Patrick's Day golf competition. In the Algarve, discretion is the by-word. And this, you will be assured repeatedly, is not because many properties are bought discreetly off-shore (see panel); or even that a startling number of Irish are keen to offload - discreetly, of course - their excess punts into such properties before the euro takes over; but because, they say, the Algarve and Quinta do Lago in particular tend to attract a less showy, classier type of individual than say, flashy Marbella.
Quinta do Lago may have four golf courses but the point is that there is no central promenade, no marina, no in-yourface place to show off, no single, "in" place where one can be sure of spotting massed giants of industry at play. Anyway, it's a dangerous game to be a show-off in such a setting; even if your villa is worth £2 million (€2.54m), there will always be someone to trump you with a £3 million (€3.81m) version.
And he who tries to judge a Quinta villa from the outside makes a big mistake. Holiday villas in Quinta - and the many cropping up around this part of the Algarve - are big for a start; 3,500 to 6,000 sq ft is normal. Take Ardblair, the £4 million (€5.08m) edifice currently on offer from Sotheby's. Although its modest facade would have Marbella Man's medallioned chest heaving with derision, behind the front door is a tasteful feast of trompe l'oeil painting, 16th century furniture and multiple private terraces with Atlantic views.
Outside, there is a vast cabana and entertaining area around the 7 m x 14 m swimming-pool with overflowing edge, trickling down to ponds stocked with koi carp and ducks and walks private enough for even the most paranoid billionaire. Although such properties might be occupied only three or four months a year - and even if you had a spare £5,000 (€6,348) or so for a week's rental - few wind up on the rental market. Frankly, these people don't need the money, or the intrusion.
The Portuguese president and prime minister make Quinta their summer destination - which says something for the resort's privacy and prestige - but in general, it's not a happy hunting ground for celebrityspotters. There was a rumour that Madonna was sniffing around but, shucks, it turned out to be her manager. Denis O'Brien - owner of the freehold of the resort since 1998 and resident of a lovely, unostentatious villa in what some call Paddy Alley - is the closest there is to Irish celebrity. Otherwise, the Irish roll call throws up solid business names like Peter Ledbetter, David Shubotham of Davy's, Carol Moffett of Moffett Engineering, solicitor Haughton Fry and John Mullen of Thomas Pink. Denis O'Brien's father, who has built a house here, flies out about every six weeks "to help break up the Irish winters a little bit". The English footballer Alan Shearer has a house here and there's a strong rumour that young Michael Owen may be about to buy, which may shatter some predispositions about hell-raising soccer louts.
The fact is that Quinta is quiet, very quiet. Its quiet attractions are based on the requirements of the wealthy golf-addict and/or rich retired. It is a haven of about 2,000 acres within the Ria Formosa Natural Park, with its huge variety of protected rare birds and wildlife, beautiful lake, wonderful walks, ocean views, peace and privacy. Security is said to be tight, yet there are no checkpoints or obvious patrols. For such a mass of concentrated wealth and "high net worth" individuals, the place has a comparatively open feel about it; this is partly due to such Quinta regulations as "see-through" gates and hedge-covered walls which must not be obtrusive. Even the 30 m high phone masts are camouflaged in plastic branches to look like trees (an interesting concept from the former Esat owner). The Portuguese requirement to limit house exterior colours to shades of yellow and white - quite strictly enforced apparently - imposes a certain harmony.
Neither of the O'Briens, father or son, plays golf - a rare breed in this part of the world - but by all accounts they have found their (holiday) niche here. O'Brien senior has said that although Quinta was bought as an investment, it has since become their hobby - "probably our first love so we want to keep it as it is and preserve it . . . We are not interested in selling. If we were offered three times what we paid for Quinta do Lago, we would not accept it today". While some observers reckon that Denis O'Brien may have already recouped his initial £25 million investment three times over through astute marketing and the well-timed release of new plots and built developments for sale and rental, O'Brien senior has said that most of the company profits have been re-invested in it. For example, more land has been acquired and a 27 hole golf course is under construction.
Quinta's status, location and amenities mean that property prices there bear little relation to those outside. Situated in what is known in property circles as the Golden Triangle, and only about 20 minutes drive from Faro airport, prices have gone through the roof in recent years. Plots alone are selling for about £750,000 sterling. But its prestige has boosted the fortunes of everyone in the area.
Developers are acutely aware that any connection, however tenuous, to Quinta do Lago - "Quinta" for short - is a major marketing tool and they don't hesitate to use it. The word "quinta" means farmhouse; remember that. In the Algarve, as in Alice in Wonderland and in property guff all over the world, a word can mean anything you want it to mean.
