Feeling smug because a free copy of Spend just dropped through your letterbox? Sorry for the people in the two-up two-downs around the corner who had to buy theirs?

Then you may just need to have some perspective restored on the issue of your personal wealth. Fortunately, Catalogue 2000, from international estate agents Knight Frank, has just been published; and if you think you're rich, you will read it and weep.

If you don't know who Knight Frank are, you won't find out from the catalogue, except from a long list of offices in London and around the world. But the tone is set on the very first page with the offer, "on the instructions of the Crown Estate", of a house in Kensington Palace Gardens, London. Nothing so vulgar as the number of rooms, or whether the place has central heating: just a few discreet pictures, the words "long lease for sale"', and the price tag of £35 million sterling.

Now that you know who you're dealing with, the catalogue moves on to more modest London properties. Like Bishopswood, a "palatial" residence in Highgate, at £7.95 million. Or Wilton Crescent, "a magnificent London mansion" near Hyde Park, available for a knock-down (not that you could - it's listed) £7.5 million.

But if you're looking for something a little different, the international section is the place to go. Here, for a cool $25 million, you could snap up Ol Pejeta, "one of East Africa's most beautiful ranching and tourism estates" near Mount Kenya, with a "magnificent main residence", 11 secondary houses, a 23,000-acre game ranch and 67,000 acres of cattle-grazing.

At 140 square miles, this property is almost twice the size of Liechtenstein which - in case you need reminding - has an international football team.

The section also offers early 12th century castles (with features including late-20th century garaging) in Spain and on the Austro-Hungarian border; as well as any number of almost drearily perfect properties in the south of France and Tuscany - sprawling country houses with vineyards, olive groves and citrus orchards and, almost invariably, a nearby medieval village.

If those old Ansbacher deposits are burning a hole in your mattress, and you're thinking of fleeing the country in the near future, a nice, ironic touch would be to buy yourself a place in the Cayman Islands.

The catalogue has two, including "the Commonwealth Condominium", which, for $2.35 million, has facilities ranging from an oceanfront swimming-pool to "undercover" parking (useful for all those undercover Revenue officials staking the place out).

In Paris, on the other hand, you could buy "an important benchmark in the development of modern architecture in Europe": Les Maisons Jaoul, two "separate but interlinked" family houses designed by Le Corbusier, with features including the usual livingrooms, bedrooms and, of course, a "chapel". To judge from the photographs, there's also some seriously wacky furniture thrown in, such as a coffee table supported by the figure of a woman on all fours, wearing a green latex suit and knee-high leather boots. This is probably a "conversation" piece (in the sense that you couldn't possibly carry on a normal conversation over it). But if it is to your taste, the price is available on application. Then again, if you need to ask, you can't afford it.

If you prefer the relative sanity of the English countryside, the catalogue has properties ranging from Wentworth Park, a country estate in Surrey, which could be yours for £17 million, to Old Belcher's Farm, a windy-sounding but attractive stone house in Oxfordshire (price on application).

On the other hand, somewhere like the Old Manor, in Berkshire - if you can live with the stigma of paying a mere £850,000 -

would be handy for Eton (the catalogue naturally includes an extensive list of where the better class of schools are). Or, for £3 million, you could have a 15th-century manor house in Wiltshire, with formal gardens, terraced lawns and a "cricket ground".

The catalogue's favourite word is "private": houses are located in private estates, private valleys, and in one case, a "private peninsula" in the Isle of Man; and the sole Irish entry falls firmly into that category.

Dinish Island, in Co Kerry, would be a blip in the Kenyan wildlife ranch, running to a mere 28 acres. On the other hand, you can buy it, along with an eight-bedroom main house, a guest annexe, and a separate five-bedroom cottage, for a handy £1.5 million.