ISABEL MORTONtracks the decline of a doomed ménage à trois'

IT WAS ALL very fine when the government (the husband) and the banks (the wife) had a mature, steady relationship. Each knew their role and neither rocked the boat. There were rules, which they adhered to, and while it may not exactly have been a scintillating partnership, it was rock solid and reliable.Then, along came the developers (the mistress), who, via land zoning and planning applications, gradually became a little more than friends with the government.

The banks soon became aware of the blossoming relationship between the government and the developers and initially, they chose to ignore it. After all, as long as they were being taken care of, then the government could do what it liked.

But after a while the banks became a little jealous of the fun the government was having with the developers and wanted to be part of the action, so they gradually became more and more accommodating, indeed, facilitating, the illicit relationship in the hope that they too, might be included.

And it didn’t take long before the banks became friendly with their rival. Soon, they realised that they actually had a lot in common and if they joined forces, they could gently manipulate the government into giving them both exactly what they wanted.

The government was of course, delighted and couldn’t believe his luck. He had both the banks and the developers on side and they all got on famously well. Before he knew it, the government found he was being sweet-talked from both sides, and he ended up giving them both pretty much everything they desired. After all, his generosity was being returned in kind, so there was no reason to rock the boat, when it was skimming smoothly across calm waters.

To an outsider, it was the perfect example of how successful a ménage à troiscan be and their relationship became the envy of everyone in the world. It was hard to believe that a once boring and conservative marriage had blossomed into a dynamic and exciting relationship. Their family, friends and relations were all thrilled and celebrated with them.

The threesome’s happiness was contagious and most approved of the somewhat unorthodox relationship, but there were one or two who voiced their concerns. However, as their negativity was spoiling the party atmosphere, their complaints were dismissed.

Having been the conservative, stay-at-home wife for decades, the banks loved being out and about and having fun. They discarded their classic tweed shirts and blouses in favour of more glamorous attire and soon realised how attractive they looked in low-cut shimmering satin and silk.

Needless to say, it wasn’t long before the banks completely lost the run of themselves and started having myriad affairs, going off with anyone who professed the slightest interest in them. They went from housewife to harlot in a very short space of time and found that they enjoyed every second.

For a while the government turned a blind eye to his wife's behaviour: after all, he was no saint himself, so he could hardly complain. Soon, however, it became apparent that the banks' flagrant promiscuity was beginning to affect the ménage à troisas the developers were joining forces with the bankers and painting the town red. It suddenly became apparent to the government that he had a wife and mistress he could no longer control.

Calling them to account for their outrageous behaviour, the government realised that as he was still married to his wife (the banks), he would have to support her for life, but his mistress (the developers) he could get rid of without any great difficulty. However, just to be on the safe side, he would make sure to blame both in equal measure.

The mistress has had to accept the fact that her lover has discarded her and as her relationship had no legal standing, she will not be paid off or compensated in any way. Accepting the situation, she has decided to cut her losses and run. It was fun for her while it lasted, but it’s time to move on.

The wife (the bankers) on the other hand, knew she was in a powerful position and has demanded a vast, once-off payment to cover her losses to date, otherwise she has threatened to bring the case before a court, which would end up costing the government considerably more and would embarrass him publicly.

However, the bankers are bored with the government and just want them to make the payment, agree to a divorce and generous alimony for the remainder of their life, and let them go. But although the Government has agreed to the once-off payment, he is refusing to sign the divorce papers, as he wants to stay married and, therefore, in control of his wayward wife, the bankers.

Accepting the payment and agreeing to all of his demands, the bankers are nevertheless, quietly winning the battle by finding ways to avoid sticking to their side of the bargain.

Smiling and agreeing to everything, they are nevertheless systematically refusing to lend people money.

It is of course a wife’s prerogative to withdraw her services.