You might want to run with the Rathborne Pack but do you have the right credentials asks Edel Morgan
We've all seen images in brochures which imply that new developments are populated by beautiful people who waft around the communal grounds looking like the cats that got the cream, or who sit around sharing hilarious jokes with a group of friends who all just happen to be top models.
The message here is that if you have the price of an apartment in this development you can be part of this glamorous lifestyle and go about all day wearing an impossibly smug grin (until it is eventually wiped off when the service charge bill arrives).
However last week, for the first time, I came across an online brochure that doesn't pussyfoot around implying that a development is crammed with young educated hotties, but actually comes right out and says it.
According to the brochure, those who live in Rathborne off the Navan Road, in Dublin 15, are not only "young and dynamic" but are also "informed, intelligent, sexy".
Aimed at retailers who might be interested in locating in the village centre, the brochure urges them to "think young, think contemporary" and compares vibrant Rathborne to New York's Greenwich village.
It describes a typical day for these young lovelies. They "live the life"; strolling through the village, stopping for a latte, shopping in the convenience store (oh the glamour), checking out the latest DVD releases, popping into the pharmacy or making a booking in the bistro.
To gain entry to such a privileged lifestyle, I am deducing that prospective residents of Rathborne not only had to get mortgage approval but had to pass a battery of IQ, general knowledge and psychometric tests and get a decent SA rating (Sex Appeal) before any contracts could be signed.
But what questions might have been asked that would qualify them to wander the boulevards of Rathborne in broad daylight? A typical question might have been, If X = sexy and Y= informed , what is X+Y? or the more difficult, if X=sexy and Y=informed and Z=intelligent, what is X+Y+Z?
What the brochure didn't mention, and I would be interested to know, is which development has been taking the overflow of uninformed, unintelligent and unsexy , older and not so dynamic people who flunked this exam? Are they in a kind of holding bay development for Rathborne where residents must undergo a Trinny and Susannah style makeover and brush up on their general knowledge and current affairs before they are allowed stroll freely around Rathborne village centre?
I would call for an end to this kind of blatant discrimination but the day has finally come when developers are having trouble finding any buyers, be they fabulous or otherwise. The feedback so far is that housebuilders and estate agents are facing a tough autumn. The day when buyers queued around the block to snap up units in new developments is over. Interest rate rises and a cooling of house prices has seen buyers stay away from new homes launches in their droves.
Some developers are now laying on entertainment at new homes launches to try and lure people to viewings. Others are throwing in furniture and fittings, top-of-the-range kitchens and a full range of integrated appliances as part of the package. In certain cases buyers are negotiating their own special deals, which would have been unheard of a year ago. Some developers are choosing not to build the next phase of a development until conditions improve.
Given the market, I'm guessing the only question buyers in the current phase of Rathborne will be asked is, "Are you informed, sexy and intelligent? Tick yes or yes."
edelmorgan@irish-times.ie
