Couples hire wedding planners to organise their €20,000-plus ceremonies. But if you were more prudent, could you have a low-cost, Eddie Hobbs-style day? PriceWatch columnist Conor Pope reports
Getting married doesn't have to cost the earth. When Christina O'Flynn got married, in Dublin in 2002, she decided not to bother with a lavish wedding. The result was that the do cost less than €1,000. She and her partner married in a register office and paid less than €7 for the wedding certificate. "I got my hair done in my local hairdresser's, in Killester, and that was €12. My sister-in-law lent me her dress. I had been looking for one, but they were all ridiculous rip-off prices, so I just used hers, and it turned out to be really nice. I don't think anyone said: 'Oh God, that looks really cheapskatey."
O'Flynn's shoes cost €10, her fiance's brother took the photographs, and 32 family and friends went for lunch for €17 a head. They saved more money by bringing their own sparkling wine - cava, not champagne - and weren't charged corkage, which cut the costs further. "That was really nice, and we stayed there until 5.30pm before going back to the groom's parents' house, where the party continued." If she had to do it all again, she says, she wouldn't change a thing. "I've no regrets. The wedding day is so little to do with the marriage, let's face it."
That's the Eddie Hobbs route to matrimony. On the other hand, if you've been at any weddings this year you might have noticed that it's fashionable for the bride and groom to give each of their guests a personalised tea bag, featuring an image of them smiling coyly above the caption "Love is brewing". At €1 a pop they aren't cheap, but then little normally is when it comes to having a wedding in Ireland.
If you believe the claims of bridal magazines, most of the 20,000 couples who get hitched here each year are left with little change from €20,000 once the bills for the photographer, flowers, cars, cake and champagne have been added to those for the reception and the rings.
It's no wonder that soon-to-be-married couples can end up hysterical, in the demented rather than hilarious sense, when they talk about the mounting costs of their weddings - although spending €20,000 on what is, when all is said and done, a party is pretty funny, too, particularly when so many newlyweds then bemoan being unable to get a toe on the property ladder.
So where does the money go? It can be €3,000 for a photographer, €2,000 for a dress, €1,000 for a cake, €1,000 for flowers and €1,000 for stationery. The band, DJ and church singers might cost €2,000, the champagne reception €2,000 and the meal for 150 people €8,000.
Already the bill has reached €20,000, and still transport, hair, make-up, going-away outfits, hotel rooms for the bridal party, and the honeymoon have to be paid for.
By now the tea bags and €750 worth of carefully selected "favours" - gifts left at each place setting - seem like bargains. Who cares if everyone leaves the tea bags in their hotel rooms and loses their favours while attempting the Walls of Limerick at 3am?
What drives people to such excess? Jacinta O'Brien of Weddings Irish Style magazine believes they spend so much not because of an urge to be flash as out of a desire to make the day as memorable as possible. "It's not so much that you want to outdo what others have; you just want yours to be special. The word 'special' crops up in practically every interview I do with brides. And 'special' is often equated with having something that's different - and, a lot of the time, 'different' costs."
She even says that €20,000 is wide of the mark. "It's more likely to cost in the order of €30,000 or €40,000. It depends how you define getting married. I mean, if you're not getting married you don't have to buy an engagement ring or go on a honeymoon, either."
Rising costs may also have to do with people's desire to lead an A-list life, she says, even if it is just for 24 hours. Having gorged themselves on celebrity magazines, many want to emulate what they see in Hello! "People want to be a celeb themselves. The only day they are guaranteed to be one is on their wedding day, and they are just going for it," she says.
Peter Kelly, the wedding planner who featured in the RTÉ series Brides of Franc earlier this year, cites another reason for the increasing elaborateness of the day. "The biggest thing that has happened in weddings in Ireland is people have realised they can actually own it. In the past you had to do certain things, but people are realising that they can do what they want." And if what you want is a Vera Wang wedding dress, a helicopter ride to the hotel and a string quartet at the champagne reception, then it is going to set you back a few bob.
But even the basics are expensive, of course. One soon-to-be bride, writing on an Irish wedding website, says her photographer is charging €1,400 for 25 prints. That's the entry-level package, she explains, "but it's more than enough to pay on photos, we thought". More than enough? It is, in fact, €56 a print.
Peter Kelly says that, in his experience, €4,500 is more likely for a photographer - although, he adds, you get what you pay for. A cheap photographer might spend the day hauling the bride and groom from pillar to post and barking at family and friends. With professionals, he says, everything is calm and unobtrusive; you shouldn't even know they're there.
But surely such sums are ludicrous. Is it necessary to spend so heavily? "No. It is totally up to the client. I don't think there is a necessity to spend anything. A lot of people I know even head off to Las Vegas." But the pressure to come up with perfection must come from somewhere. Is the €400 million wedding industry responsible? "You could probably blame us, but we're very much doing what people are calling for," says Kelly. "There is a market there, and the market is created by the couples. The couples want it, and you can't stop it."
Jacinta O'Brien agrees. "Our job is to put forward to people what is out there, and we are often accused of driving it. I don't think we are; we're there with it. We would like to see ourselves as glamorous but practical. I wouldn't be recommending that people put themselves into penury for the sake of one day out, but at the same time it is a very important day in people's lives, and they want to make the best of it."
Some costs nevertheless paint the industry in a poor light. More than a few hotels add a €2 a head "pouring charge" to the price of the wine. Other hotels insist you buy the cake from them, then charge extra for the cake stand, the microphone - should one of the bridal party want to say a few words - and, ludicrously, the cake knife.
Another surprisingly high bill can be for hiring a red carpet. One bride-to-be who wanted one for the aisle of the church where she was getting married found that she would have to pay a minimum of €600 - in her case, about €2 a footstep.
It's hard to escape the notion that parts of the industry are ripping couples off. But then you hear stories of bridal excess. Brides of Franc featured one bride who arrived at her reception, at Slane Castle, in a helicopter, having asked for "unsightly" haycocks in nearby fields to be removed and for trees to be planted along the drive, to hide some of the castle's windows, which, she believed, looked shabby.
Away from the television cameras, another bride had the hall that was hosting her reception repainted to match her dress; a third bought armfuls of CDs to the hotel and told the wedding co-ordinator to ensure they were playing in the lifts, to give the reception the right ambiance. Then there's the bride-to-be who went to the hotel she had chosen for her wedding, this summer, with a photograph of a head of broccoli. "This," she explained, "is the type of broccoli I want for my guests." Such behaviour screams: "Rip me off! I deserve it."
If you haven't lost the run of yourself entirely, however, there are plenty of ways to economise, says Kelly. "You don't have to have a favour, you don't have to have a cake." There can, he says, be "an awful lot of waste in that kind of stuff".
O'Brien says: "If I was offering advice I would say to get a breakdown on everything, have a look at it and see if there are ways you can economise. A lot of smart brides are looking to friends to provide them with services as a gift. But, most importantly, make sure you read the small print, get everything in writing and ask if there are hidden extras."
How to get married on the cheap
As you start to plan your nuptials, try to avoid telling suppliers that you're asking them to quote for a wedding.
Prune your guest list without mercy. Under-sevens and anyone you are not close to should be the first to go.
When you've done that, make the stationery - from invitations to service booklets and thank-you cards - yourself. A computer, some fancy card and a few metres of ribbon and you're away.
Use flowers from the garden to decorate the church and the tables. It's nicer to say "My dad grew them" than "Oh, they only cost €1,000."
Give your guests cava instead of champagne. It's much cheaper, and few will notice.
Forget the free bar. And don't give favours.
Instead of having a sit-down dinner, book a venue and get caterers in to do a buffet. Or book a restaurant to feed your nearest and dearest - no more than 40 - then throw a party for everyone else.
Forget the white iced cake. Tell the supplier you want a special-occasion cake. Or just forget the cake altogether.
Don't go to the expense of hiring a band. Get a good DJ instead - or, better still, put together some suitable mixes on your iPod and forget the DJ, too.
Get married on a Caribbean beach or, perhaps, in Las Vegas, by an Elvis impersonator. Then use the money you've saved to travel the world.
How to flash the cash
The marriage of David and Victoria Beckham was one of Ireland's first superweddings. They spent almost €750,000 on getting hitched at Luttrellstown Castle, on the outskirts of Dublin; their 236 guests were looked after by 437 staff, including 125 security guards.
Paul McCartney and Heather Mills's reception, at Castle Leslie in Co Monaghan in June 2002, cost more than €3.5 million. The church was decorated with more than €100,000 worth of white lilies, pink carnations and red and white roses. They turned down €2 million from a celebrity magazine for their wedding pictures.
The wedding of John Magnier's daughter Katie, in Fethard in Co Tipperary in August 2002, cost an estimated €3 million. Her nine bridesmaids wore Vera Wang creations, and Rod Stewart and Ronan Keating were in the wedding band.
Michael O'Leary's wedding reception, at his Co Westmeath home in September 2003, had four marquees, for dining, dancing, drinking and chilling out. The 300-person reception is said to have cost €1 million. The Ryanair boss asked guests to give money to charity in lieu of presents.
Child of Prague statues were said to have been put under every bush in the Donegal village of Kincasslagh to guarantee sunshine for the wedding of Daniel O'Donnell and Majella McLennan, in November 2002. It didn't work, however, and the 550 guests were buffeted by wind and rain.