YOU KNOW this €1,000 benefit-in-kind for bicycles malarkey? I'm all for it. But, while not wishing to sound ungrateful or churlish, I have a question or two, writes Kilian Doyle
First - and most obvious - who is going to police it? The Government isn't. Indeed, Minister for Helmets John Gormley has already admitted that would be impossible.
Which means it's down to the employers. So, if I avail of the scheme and buy myself a lovely new bike - of which I am sorely in need, I must admit - will The Irish Times have to put a camera outside my house, another on Tara Street, and several others at points in between to ensure I've been cycling in every day and not simply dodging tax?
Or will I have to have a GPS device attached to my bike? How will they know that I haven't simply lobbed it in the boot of my car and driven myself to work?
What if I just cycle the four miles to the train station and take the train for the remaining 12 miles, do I have a moral or legal obligation to only avail of 25 per cent of the tax break?
What if I have a bike already - can I spend the grand on doing it up or do I have to buy a new one? If not, how does that work out as eco-friendly? So much for recycling, eh?
What's to stop me buying a bike for €1,000, selling it for €900 and trousering the dosh I'll save?
Why is it not equitable? Cyclists in the higher tax bracket can save €410 on a grand, while those on the 20 per cent rate only save €200. Is that fair?
Why do I have to pay VAT on safety equipment? Surely waiving VAT on a few helmets will save the health service a fortune in the long run?
Come to think of it, why not just scrap VAT on bikes altogether? That would cost the Exchequer roughly the same as the BIK scheme, be far less messy and much more equitable.
Why does the scheme only cover cycle helmets that conform to European standard EN 1078? Sure, they're safe. But they make your head look like a Portobello mushroom. How is coercing people into dressing as numpties going to promote cycling?
And what if I decide, for safety reasons, to get a motorbike helmet? Or better still, a Kevlar-lined suit of armour? Can I claim BIK?
Can I spend €100 on a bike and €900 on huge hub-mounted Ben Hur-esque blades and a handlebar-mounted flame-thrower? The cops may call them offensive weapons - I call them defensive necessities.
I see Gormley has also earmarked €5 million for the provision of cycle paths. Again, I have a few questions.
Is that €5 million to be spent on dedicated off-road cycle lanes, away from manholes, open sewers, dead ends and other hazards?
Or do they plan to spend it on hundreds of gallons of orange paint, which they'll mix with buckets of gravel and broken glass and randomly slap on whatever busy street the mood takes them?
And will part of that cash be spent on bribing traffic wardens to actually do their jobs and bust those ignorant buffoons who regard cycle lanes as parking spaces?
Some of the above questions might appear to be the rantings of an addled windowlicker who's had his head bounced off too many wing mirrors. And, if truth be told, many are.
But still, I have to ask. You must remember who we're dealing with here. Clarity and foresight are not their forte.
For all I know, in a bid to help the car market, which is in the doldrums of debt and a used car glut on forecourts at present, Fianna Fáil might criminalise cycling altogether next year. It wouldn't be the first thing they've back-pedalled on recently.