In the reinvention business, no one does it better than BMW and, says Tom Robert, with the F800GS it has a neat new machine
IN THE long history of motorised bicycles, no company can have reinvented themselves more completely than BMW. There was a time when your average Beemer owner was a retired bank manager whose idea of adventure was wearing red socks at the weekends.
The sort of chap who every evening could be found in his favourite armchair by the fire, slippers firmly in place, pipe filed with Throgmorton's Ready-Rubbed and a pint of Old Sparrow on the side table beside a well-thumbed copy of My Life in Accountancyby Cecil Wilkinson.
Then, everything changed in 2004 with the introduction of the radical K 1200 S and its in-line four-cylinder, liquid-cooled engine, followed two years later by the brilliant R1200 ST sports tourer, a machine so angular you could shave with it.
It didn't sell as well as it deserved to, but it was followed by the all-new F800 sports bike, powered by a brand-new parallel twin engine built by Rotax, and after that, it was only a matter of time before the same engine found its way into a trail bike.
For a start, the company had already had huge success with its big trailie the GS1200, but as many riders, including Ewan and Charlie found with their ridiculously overloaded examples in Long Way Around, at 223kg it was just too heavy for serious off-road adventurers.
The F800GS, by comparison, is a featherweight 185kg, and even though many riders will take it no further offroad than parking it on the pavement, as far as BMW are concerned, it fills a perfect gap between their singles and the big boxers and four-cylinder models.
More important than all that, of course, is what it sounds like, and the answer is fabulous. Press the starter, and you produce this deeply satisfying snortle which on the road sounds exactly like a motorbike should, compared to, for example, factory Harleys and Triumphs, in which the only sane solution is to throw away the standard pipes, and fit decent aftermarket ones.
The whole feel of the BMW, in fact, is of a proper motorbike. It vibrates like all Beemers, but that's just part of the idiosyncratic charm of them.
On the road, performance is not quite as brisk as the standard F800, since the 84bhp engine has been reworked to give more torque at low revs. However, it's entirely snappy enough to get you swiftly up to motorway speeds and stay there comfortably, even if the lightweight and tall seating position makes for a turbulent ride in windy conditions.
Mind you, loaded with all your gear and heading for Ulan Bator, that shouldn't be a problem. Since I'd just come from a Honda VFR with a brilliant linked braking system, stopping proved interesting, and you would be well advised not to approach a corner at speed and rely entirely on the front brake to slow you down.
Cornering is another thing that takes a bit of practice: that skinny 21-inch front wheel may be great for mud-plugging, but on the road, it's light, twitchy, inclined to tramline and reluctant to change direction without a determined piece of countersteering. Then again, like the brakes, you get used to it.
So all in all, a spirited all-rounder which will suit someone who wants to move up from a single-cylinder trailie tourer, but not as far as a 1200GS. In fact, buy one of these, stick on all the extras like heated grips, ABS, alarm, computer and centre stand, and you're still coming in €1,800 cheaper than the 1200 - not to mention saving a fortune on fuel, with an impressive average mpg of 47.9.
Just one thing, BMW: on a bike allegedly meant for long-distance adventuring, do you think you could manage a seat slightly thicker than a carefully folded napkin? Oh, and a higher screen, while you're at it.
After all, there are an awful lot of bugs on the way to Ulan Bator.
FACTFILE: BMW F800GS
Engine: 798cc; 8v parallel twin, six gears with 85bhp and 112Nm of torque.
Weight: 185kg
Average fuel consumption: 6.3 L/100km (45mpg)
Front suspension: adjustment 45mm inverted forks, no adjustment
Front brakes: 2 x 300mm discs. Rear brake 265mm disc
Front tyre size: 90/90 x 21. Rear tyre size 150/70 x 21
Price: €11,750 (Price in Northern Ireland- £6,695)