Once you get to grips with the Goldwing, it is hard to let it go, writes Tom Robert.
HERE IS a message for anyone who wants to sell the house and head for the horizon with their partner, the dog, the tortoise and everything they possess.
I have just the thing for you. And you will need to sell the house, because if you can't live without Sat Nav and an airbag, the Deluxe version of the Goldwing is only a euro off €26,000.
I know, I know, an airbag on a motorbike. But we'll get to that in a minute. When I say the basic model of the Goldwing, of course there's nothing basic about it. This is a bike with heated seats and grips, reverse gear, feet warmers, cruise control, radio, intercom, adjustable suspension and optional CD player. Not to mention being the size of a small planet - I thought as I walked around it nervously thinking that at 417kgs, it weighed a hefty 42kgs more than the Harley Ultra Classic Electra Glide.
But then, my cousin's husband had had several Wings, and they lived up a long, rutted lane, so it couldn't be that hard to handle. Could it?
I climbed on board, hefted the bike vertical, and started the engine with a flawless purr like a precision sewing machine. You know, one of those 1832cc flat-six ones.
Down the road, and everything felt huge, but as stable as all Hondas. Until I got to the junction and turned right in a series of leaps and bounds, which would have done credit to an epileptic kangaroo, watched with some amusement by a bus driver who was obviously thinking: "I don't know why posers bother buying bikes like that when they obviously don't know how to ride them."
However, adversity is truly the mother of invention, and by the time I got to the next traffic lights and a sharp turn left, I had had an epiphany of which St Paul would have been proud, had he been biking rather than walking to Damascus.
It was this: while the Wing's throttle is snatchy in first gear, the engine has such torque that you can change to second the moment you start rolling, ensuring much smoother progression around corners even at walking pace. That sorted, I spent the next two days growing increasingly amazed at how easy the Wing was to handle for such a beast. It was so stable you could actually stop completely before putting your feet down, and roundabouts were such fun that I actually went around the same one three times just for the pleasure of it until I caught the cow in the next field giving me a very strange look indeed. This is a bike you could ride all day every day and be sorry to get off. And that applies not only to the rider but to the pillion passenger.
First gear excepted, that huge engine is flawless, with enough torque to mean most of the time you don't need to bother changing down to overtake. And with 147 litres of luggage space, you can take everything with you, including the kitchen sink.
Faults, if any, are niggles: it is snatchy in first, the suspension can be a bit clattery over uneven surfaces and it's thirstier and more expensive than the Electra Glide.
Oh, and I'm still wondering what you do with the airbag. Grab it as you fly over the hedge?
I loved it, not just for the effortless joy of riding it, but for the moment when I pulled up at traffic lights on the way back to the dealers. I heard a buzzing like an angry wasp behind me, and a man with a skinful of tattoos pulled up on a monkey bike.
He looked at the vast expanse of the Wing, then up at me.
"Wanna swop?" he grinned.
I was still laughing when I handed the keys back to the dealer and walked away, looking back from time to time with wistful regret at leaving the Wing glittering in the sun.
Factfile Honda Goldwing
Engine:liquid-cooled four-stroke 12-valve SOHC flat-six; 1,832cc; bore and stroke: 74 x 71mm; compression ratio: 9.8: 1; carburation electronic fuel injection with automatic choke
Max power output:87kW/ 5,500min-1 (95/1/EC)
Max torque:167Nm/ 4,000min-1 (95/1/EC)
Top speed:120mph
Average fuel economy:36mpg
Gearbox:five-speed plus electric reverse
Dimensions:2,635(l) x 945(w) x 1,455(h)mm; wheelbase: 1,690mm;seat height: 740mm; ground clearance 125mm
Fuel capacity25 litres
Dry weight417kg
Tyres:front 130/70-R18; rear 180/60-R16
Brakes:front 296 x 4.5mm dual hydraulic disc with ABS; rear: 316 x 11mm ventilated disc with ABS
Colours:cabernet red metallic, black Z, silver metallic features
Price:€25,999 for the Deluxe Goldwing with SatNav and airbag, including VAT and VRT. Contact: Two Wheels, 01-4602111.
Test bike provided by Belfast Honda; www.belfasthonda.com