Michael McAleerand Paddy Comyntake to the Ring for the weekend - in the name of charity, of course.
YOU CAN blame Easy Rider. Ever since Fonda and Hopper hit the road, generations have been heading off to discover the world and themselves. It's about taking advantage of the wonderful independence of travel on offer every time you sit behind the wheel, or throw your leg over a motorbike. You may routinely crawl those 10 miles to the office, but take that unexplored left turn along the way, and a new adventure awaits.
June was littered with e-mails from intrepid motorists heading off on global adventures. A mix of penniless students and well-to-do pensioners were hitting the road, their choice of chariots ranging from beat-up VW Golfs to sparkling Bentleys. And here we were, a couple of motoring hacks with access to a fleet of fine new cars, missing out on the action.
It's a lifelong bugbear of the motoring press that pub talk can quickly translate into reality. Unlike the vast majority of drink-fuelled chatter, things like a weekend drive from Dublin to the Nürburgring are far too possible when you're a motoring hack. It's all in the name of work, you see. A lifelong habit of agreeing in haste and repenting at leisure seems to be routinely forgotten. It's only when you start out that you realise what you've committed to.
On the road down to Rosslare at 4am we had already consigned this trip to the "life's lesson" category.
It had started with a press release. A group of car enthusiasts had organised to drive to the Nürburgring for one of the public open days at the legendary track and combined it with the worthwhile endeavour of raising money for the Irish Cancer Society. Good on them.
This year they were hoping for 15 cars to do the trip, each one responsible for raising at least €5,000. Leaving Rosslare on the Friday morning ferry to Fishguard, each car would carry two drivers, sharing the long drive across Britain, France, Belgium and over to Cologne. From this base camp they would spend Sunday conquering the legendary Ring. After that it would be an 800km trek back to Cherbourg for the ferry home on Monday night.
On paper it seemed eminently possible: our very own road trip that was for a good cause and only costing us a weekend away. Never mind that it was through countries we've driven in a thousand times before. It was a day at the Ring, it was for a good cause, and it got us out of the office during the summer.
Our choice of car took us a little time to agree: we've driven the track on several previous visits in hot hatches and performance cars. This time why not try something different? And you can't get anything more different than an SUV/coupé. BMW claims its bulky X6 is a viable sports version for the SUV market. So we decided to put it to the test. If nothing else, the 3-litre twin-turbo diesel engine would keep down the cost of fuel. All was in place for our own mini-road trip.
In the watery dawn at Rosslare, however, things did not seem so clear-cut. For all we knew this could be a bunch of brain-addled boy racers, baseball caps pulled over spotty faces in souped-up Starlets ready to drift their way across Continental Europe. This could all go horribly wrong.
Our concerns were replaced with relief when the initial convoy arrived. First up was a Porsche 911, followed by a pristine Bentley Continental GT, a VW Golf GTI, a couple of classic BMW 6-Series coupés, a new 3-Series coupé and a 1996 Ferrari F355. There wasn't a hoodie in sight. Age profiles varied widely. There was the requisite couple of Nissan 300Zs and an Evo IX, but the common theme was a love of cars.
An uneventful trek across Wales and England got us to Dover in time for the evening ferry, and after a night at Château Tilques, a lovely hotel in the countryside around Calais - yes such a place exists - it was off to Germany.
Refuelling in Rosslare on the Friday morning, the next time our X6 pulled up to a pump was halfway across Belgium, an enormous vote of confidence in our choice of car. Dodging the lane-hopping Belgians, we hit the autobahns, one of the greatest road networks ever built.
It remains one of the great contradictions that a supposedly regimented society can still have speed limit-free motorways and a fully-fledged race track that's open to the public some weekends. Simply roll up to the side of the track, pay your money in the ticket machine identical to the ones we have in multistorey car parks, and out comes a ticket. Then you simply drive up to the barrier, insert your ticket and voila: 20km of twisting, turning and deceptive tarmac awaits you.
After the initial cone chicane a long climbing straight eases you into the long road ahead. We've driven the Ring several times before, but never in the company of the great unwashed. The difference is astounding and in several instances terrifying. Our X6, for all its coupé looks, still performed like an SUV on the Ring - however, we got it around in about 10 minutes.
As if the route itself were not challenge enough, drivers must accommodate other cars of varying degrees of speed and ability, the odd tour bus tootling along behind a blind bend and the ever-present swarm of motorcyclists that get within a hair's breadth of your front wing as you round a corner.
It's hard to understand the mindset of the Nürburgring bikers. They all know the score: bikers crash regularly on the track and the end results are never pretty. Yet here they are, millimetres from two-tonnes of BMW barely gripping on to the corner apex. Yet they seem to have some divine confidence or naivety to believe that every car driver they sidle alongside is capable of controlling their own big lump of metal and has already spotted them in their rear view mirror. If you think our doubts unfounded, on the day we attended, the track was closed three times to clear up crash debris.
Nobody should go to the Ring without a full appreciation of the risks. It's an incredibly unforgiving place. With the exception of a handful of bends, there's no run-off: if you fail to make a bend, you're going to hit something hard. Worse, most of the bends and crests are blind, so the chances of one crash leading to a second one are also high.
In all our laps we never got a clean lap without coming across at least one crash or yellow flag incident. Thankfully, these all involved shunts into the Armco and little more than bruised egos and expensive repair bills.
The potential cost of these shunts is evident from the car park beside the track entrance. Waiting to get on track is a continual line of BMWs and Porsches, along with the odd Lamborghini, Bentley and even a few Range Rover Sports. The car park alone is better than most motor shows.
Perhaps the best option is to rent a track car. Several firms offer rentals for the track, and some of the Funball participants opted for this route rather than risking their own road cars. The downside, of course, is a hefty excess charge before any form of insurance kicks in. And forget about taking a regular rental car to the track: these firms have spotters and will quickly slap your credit card with a hefty bill for tyres and every other element that may wear and tear, even if you stay out of the Armco.
As for those gathered in waiting for their next lap, it's a fantastic mismatch of society. Some are scraping together enough money to keep their car on the road and their track days, while others keep a car at the track permanently, and fly over and back when they get the chance.
It's something of a pilgrimage to motoring fans, a Mecca that may not last for many more years as society norms tighten their grip on every facet of our lives. Yet it was a fantastic way to spend a weekend, experience some of the trials and tribulations of the long-haul road trip, offer ourselves up to the mighty Ring and return - unscathed - in time for another week of work. Maybe not Easy Rider, but arguably one of the best ways to spend a summer weekend, and all for charity. What more could a motorhead ask for?
For further information on the Funball Rally and for enquiries about next year's event, visit: funballrally.com" We never got a clean lap without coming across a crash or yellow flag incident. Thankfully, these all involved little more than bruised egos and expensive repair bills
The Nürburgring - what you need to know before you go
THE NÜRBURGRING, known simply as "the Ring" by enthusiasts, is a motorsport racetrack in Nürburg, Germany. It was built in the 1920s around the village and medieval castle of Nürburg in the Eifel, about 70km south of Cologne, and 120km northwest of Frankfurt.
Since it opened in 1927, the Nordschleife track has been used by the public for the "Touristenfahrten" for anyone with a road-legal car or motorcycle, as well as tour buses, motor homes or cars with trailers.
Most information can be found on the track's website nuerburgring.de but here are a few of the things you need to know.
When is it open?
The Nürburgring is not always open to the public. Car manufacturers use the circuit for testing and development of their vehicles. It is generally open to the public only on weekday evenings, a handful of weekends and on other designated days. See nuerburgring.de/events.286.0.html
Costs
You arrive at the circuit and purchase tickets from a kiosk machine and place the ticket in a slot at a barrier, like a tollbooth. The cost for driving a single lap of the Nordschleife is €21 for each car or motorcycle. Multi-lap tickets can be purchased for a lower per-lap price, such as four laps at a cost of €70 (€17.50 per lap).
An annual ticket with unlimited laps, valid from January to December, can be purchased for €995.
Insurance
According to most insurance policies, as long as you are not racing, using the car for pacing, or conducting a reliability or speed test then you should be covered on the circuit.
This means that timed laps are out, and in the event of an accident the police are believed to make a note of any timing devices in the cars so this would effectively make your insurance null and void. It would be only the very foolhardy who would attempt to tackle the Nordschleife without checking with your insurance company first. Crashes are frequent because there is very little run-off and if you do come off, the chances of you hitting the metal Armco are high.
You should also make sure that you have personal medical cover.
Car hire
If you are considering hiring a standard rental car from Avis, Hertz, etc and using it on the circuit, then they are on to you. Almost all exclude use on the circuit, and it is believed that they pay a bounty to local employees who spot rental cars at the track. You are likely to get hit for €2,000 for tyre and brake wear and Hertz are known to ban you from rental worldwide should you be caught.
Track car rental
This would appear to be the easiest way to use a car on the circuit. Not only are you not risking your own car but also the cars are set up specifically for the track and have special brakes, roll cages and tyres.
Ringhaus, ringhaus.com, offers cars with prices ranging from €260 a day for a VW Polo, to €520 for a VW Golf R-TDI. Rent-Racecar, rent-racecar.de, has an extensive range of cars, ranging from a BMW 318ti Compact for €390 per day to €999 for a new BMW M3. Drivers must be at least 25, or 30 in the case of some higher performance models. Excess for damage ranges from €6 ,000 - €17,000.
Storage
There are some firms offering storage of your car near the circuit. Prices depend on the level of service you require, but range from about €50 to €100 per month.
Other items to note
Photography or taking video from inside the car is banned. Overtaking on the right hand side is prohibited. Put the Nurburgring emergency number (08000 302 112) in your mobile phone. Carry a good first aid kit, fire extinguisher, warning triangle, spare bulbs/fuse set and a high visibility dayglo over-jacket (all required by German law).
Remember it is German law that you must stop if you are "first on scene" at an accident. Park your car off the "crash line", ie a neutral place where it is unlikely another car will hit it.
Call the emergency number and run back 200 metres before the accident to slow oncoming traffic down.