Emissions: Some people are never satisfied. I realise I'm being pretty foolhardy here -lorries are huge and lorry-drivers are even huger - but it does need to be said: truckers are a bunch of whingers.
I refer of course to the Siege of Drogheda. These lovely truck-driving fellows, after years of lobbying the Government to bypass that particular traffic blackspot, are refusing to pay their fair share to use the very thing they'd been demanding for years.
"It's too expensive, we're being ripped off," they wail and moan as they ignore the lovely new road with its majestic bridge and opt instead to clog the town they'd been so desperately trying to avoid.
It's like a kid who's been screaming for months that he wants a new bike, yet after months of scrimping and saving from his long-suffering parents - who've got dozens of more pressing things to worry about, like feeding and educating and medicating the little brat - he threatens to flush the Christmas turkey down the toilet because it's the wrong colour.
There they were thinking he'd be off with his mates, enjoying his new freedom, leaving them to enjoy their peace and quiet and maybe a few extra pennies they'd save in school bus fares.
They were quite pleased with themselves as they placed it under the tree on Christmas Eve, confident they'd be greeted with shrieks of delight the following morning. Instead he's running around the house, screaming and shouting that he never wanted the damn thing in the first place.
Personally, I'd throttle the ungrateful little sod and make him walk everywhere. Serve him right.
The truckers are no better. The Government spends an absolute fortune on the Dublin Port Tunnel: "We don't like it, it's too small," they whine, and threaten to block the city centre in protest. The Government spends another few hundred million on the bypass: "We don't like it, it's too expensive," they cry, and proceed to besiege the unfortunate population of Drogheda.
Their PR skills leave a lot to be desired. To illustrate, I give you a quote from the Irish Road Hauliers' Association website: "If we, as road haulers must pay, then everyone has to pay, including the individuals who never use the road, pensioners and babies." Sounds like a threat to me. "Pensioners and babies" will suffer if we don't get what we want? Tough guys.
Go anywhere on the Continent and you pay for the privilege of using quality roads. As the IRHA notes on the aforementioned website, getting a truck from Ireland to the south of France costs around €380, while getting it to Rome is nearly triple that. And they're moaning about a paltry €4.80 to save hours of inching through Drogheda and Slane?
Unsurprisingly, the initial IRHA response was "to pass the round trip cost where appropriate to the customer". This was "obviously the preferred option", they said, before voting to boycott the bypass instead. Typical.
Irish people hate paying for anything they think they can get for free. Ironic that, considering we're rapidly becoming world-famous for ripping people off.
As you can tell, I'm feeling particularly vicious as I write this. Not once did I nearly die pedalling home along a cyclepath today. Not twice either. But thrice. Those responsible? Truckers.
Blabbing away on their mobile phones, turning left across my path and almost turning me into road pizza. They weren't all oblivious though - one feller did see me. I know because he gave me the fingers in his wing mirror.
I suppose he had a point. Who did I believe I was anyway? The nerve of me, thinking I had some divine right to use his road!
