Car auctions are wonderful, mysterious places full of sheepskin-coat clad traders and the odd lamb to the slaughter wide-eyed private buyer.
It very intimidating to the uninitiated. As a seller, if you simply have to get rid of a car, it's the last chance saloon. As a buyer, while it's possible to pick up a bargain, if you don't know your big end from a head gasket you could end up with a real banger.
There is a long apprenticeship to join the ranks of professional motor traders but anyone can pick up helpful hints by observing the way they inspect cars. Motor traders are also skilled in the black art of bidding techniques with a sign language all their own. A shoulder shrug, nod (up or down), ear tug or a slight waving of the catalogues are just some of the more recognisable ways to signal to the auctioneer.
Yet last weekend saw an attempt to move this ancient art into the 21st century with BMW launching its first "on-line" auction that promised bargains without tyre kicking. Just mouse clicking was allowed.
So, wearing a virtual sheepskin coat and looking a bit shifty sat at home with our Apple iBook, we were redirected from BMW.ie to autopoint.ie - auction site specialist and BMW partner in this venture.
The vehicles aren't driven in to a virtual hall one by one, but are listed on the site, 15 cars to a page. The "auction" involved cars from all of BMW's Irish dealers. In a press release the German firm claimed 500 cars would be under the "virtual" hammer but when the auction began at on Saturday morning there were just 277.
Basic details were given and a picture of the car was available to click with the current bid displayed in a box.
Strangely, all the cars had bids on them when the auction started at 9 a.m. When we say bids, the prices listed were basically their retail prices.
Where's the bargain? Our intention to bid €50 for an X5 was scuppered before we even got going. The Autopoint site stresses that the activity is at no time an auction in the real sense, merely an "auction-style format" that allows sellers and prospective buyers to "potentially" do business.
The site conditions go on to say no bid is considered legally binding until the car is inspected in the flesh and the sale agreed by both parties.
If you bid on a car you won't know if you were the highest bidder until you are contacted by the seller with a view to closing the deal on return from cyberspace.
With a rush of blood to the head we put a bid of €20,000 for a 2003 BMW 530i. The opening "bid" on screen was €53,800. The site then asked us to confirm the bid and a moment later told us the bid wasn't accepted. Our hopes or getting a great bargain dashed once more.
Throughout the weekend we logged on at various intervals and by Sunday evening the site was listing 276 cars - one fewer than at the start.
In some countries private car buyers can genuinely take part in real car auctions on-line. This latest attempt to bring such buying options to Ireland seemed more like a normal website listing.
Most dealers already trade on the web extensively, but for the moment private buyers should still invest in a warm coat if they want hunt down a real bargain.