Are any of you fine folk linguists, perchance? If so, have you any idea what the Italian for schadenfreude is? How about dannogioia? It's my pitiful attempt at a translation. It literally means "damage joy". Has a nice ring to it, wouldn't you agree?
The reason I ask is because I'm a great man for the dannogioia. Laughing at other people's misfortune is meat and drink to snide, self-righteous smartalecs like myself. And I've had my jingles jangled all this week by a particularly delightful incident in Rome.
The subject of my glee is the city's traffic and parking chief, a great galloping galoot who got himself axed from his job last month after being busted leaving his car in a no-parking zone while he popped into a restaurant.
What's that you say? That's a bit harsh? Perhaps. But you haven't heard the half of it.
Not only was Giovanni Catanzaro parked illegally, but he had the audacity to leave a disabled driver's parking permit that belonged to an 86-year old woman on the dashboard. The antics of this arrogant, hypocritical fool were reported by a newspaper that was presumably tipped off by a dannogioia-filled parking warden.
Catanzaro later claimed the pass had been left on the dashboard accidentally by a friend of his who had used his car earlier that day to bring her elderly mother somewhere. In addition, he pointed out that he couldn't possibly have been trying to use the pass as cover to park where he did, because it was, in fact, out of date. Will someone please get the shovel out of that man's hands before he digs himself any deeper?
(The one redeeming factor is that Catanzaro's car was an Alfa Romeo Brera. While he's proved himself to be a moral midget, at least he has good taste in motors.)
How well we may laugh at those crazy Italians. But at least they sacked him. If it happened here, the chap would probably get promoted.
Speaking of traffic, I was amused to see that the winning entry in this year's SIMI road safety competition was the suggestion that "drive on the left" stickers should be handed out to motorists at ports. It reminded me of the signs adorning the sides of Irish roads beseeching people, in various different languages, to do just that. What's so funny about that, says you?
Well, nothing, in principle. I just fail to understand why they have them in places like lovely landlocked Longford.
How, exactly, you get a car to Longford without driving on the left? Does the jumped-up cash-wasting jobsworth who signed off on erecting these signs think tourists are parachuting their cars into the county? Or is there some portal through which they are arriving from another dimension hidden in the bushes near Drumlish?
While we're in that general neck of the woods, the new Department of Social and Family Affairs office in Carrick-on-Shannon is a fine edifice altogether. And rightly so, what with it being the centre of the Government's statewide operation to hand out free dosh to various people, deserving or otherwise. I have driven past it many a time on surf trips to the lovely northwest.
But I'm always confused by the billboard sporting an artist's impression of the building. In this masterpiece, parked outside is what looks to me suspiciously like an Aston Martin DB9 Volante. Which, as you will know, would cost you the guts of €300,000 had you the cash or inclination to buy one.
Now, what message does that give out? Go on the dole and you too can drive a supercar? Or are all decentralised staff to be given Aston Martins in return for moving from Dublin to Leitrim?
That's some perk. Where do I get an application form? And do the forms come in Italian? I know a chap who's in the market for a job. Aston, Alfa, he's not fussy. Just as long as he can park it anywhere he likes.
