It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it - and so Justin Hynes was sat behind the wheel of a Porsche, a Ferrari - and it's in the very good cause of Barretstown.
All in all, it has to have been one of the better ways I've spent a Monday.
Wake up in the morning in Barcelona, after the Spanish GP weekend. Make way, in a leisurely fashion, to the airport.
Fall into deep sleep on plane, wake up with drool on chin as evidence of satisfying, solid two hours in dreamland. Get filthy look off person next to me, evidence that must have deposited some drool on them too.
Debark and head home. En route get phone call. Motors editor on the line.
"Where are you?" he barks.
"Just landed."
"Good, go to Mondello, soon as."
"Fair enough, what's the story?"
"Snowed under here, was supposed to go but can't. You'll have to do it now."
"What exactly?"
"Drive cars. Ferrari 360 Challenge, Porsche Carrera Cup, Ariel Atom."
Could be worse, I thought.
So here I am getting suited and booted alongside a bunch of other chancers, ne'er-do-wells, the sort of people who should probably be barred from driving these cars, or any cars for that matter.
Still, I sign up, and nod vigorously and untruthfully that I'll stump up 10 per cent of the value of the car should I prang it.
Heaven forfend, say I, carefully eyeing available escape routes. Actually the truth is we're here for a pretty good reason.
They've let us loose with these three monster machines in pursuit of a good cause - Barretstown, the activity and adventure centre for children with life-threatening illnesses such as cancer.
Last year the organisation held a track day that featured Paul Newman, a major benefactor of the centre under the umbrella of his Association of Hole in the Wall camps, driving a Porsche 997 as well as other activities on the day.
And so successful was the event that Barretstown decided to do another one - this time involving the public.
Here's the deal: on May 27th, at your disposal, for the not too taxing sum of €1,000, will be the three cars mentioned above, a Ferrari 360 Challenge racer, a Carrera Cup Porsche GT3 and an Arial Atom. You get to drive them.
No tours around with an instructor at the wheel and just a vague feeling of being involved. You, behind the wheel, at the controls of a race-prepared 400+bhp Ferrari 360. Barretstown are flogging just 30 of these drives, which includes lunch, dinner and all the driving you could want, and all the proceeds go to the castle itself.
So where's the catch - great opportunity to drive some pretty exclusive machinery (they certainly don't put these race pedigree bad boys on the road), you get bragging rights over all your flash-car owning mates and it's all in a wonderful cause.
There is no catch. It's exactly what it claims to be a Fun Racer day. You get the fun and some racing cars, they get the financial benefit.
First, though, they need to convince you that this charity endeavour really is a good thing. So Trakshare, the company providing the cars and instruction, gave me the keys. The fools. . .
Ferrari 360 Challenge
The first car I was pointed to - not a good idea. This has over 400bhp and weighs less than 1200kg.
Put it this way, a FIAT Punto has 60bhp and weighs 1370kg. Are you getting the picture? This is a seriously powerful, seriously fast car.
So I clamber in, fix up the headset so I can talk to the instructor, Matt.
"Have you been around Mondello before?" he says.
"Oh yeah," I answer, having come off the back of a couple amateur kart race wins in the past week. "Loads of times." I am an idiot.
"Well you'll be grand then. Just remember it's mid-engined, so snaps away really quickly, try not to get on the power too early as it'll unbalance it, and you'll be off. I see you're left-foot braking. Do that if you're comfortable."
"But I was just resting"
"Off you go."
And so I make a complete fool of myself. The Challenge car is fitted with a full-on F1-style paddle shift - which I cannot cope with, at all. I have no idea which gear I'm in heading into turn one - Shell. I get it hideously wrong and end up heading for turn two - a jink left - in the wrong gear, halfway sideways, and with Matt looking at me like I'm quite possibly the worst driver ever. And I am.
I just can't cope with the power. It's awesome. It comes in so early, a hurricane whine behind your ear that propels you forward like you're some kind of cocooned human cannon ball act. Your stomach, however, is left back somewhere near Naas.
In a strange way though, it's refined. Sure there's a feral growl going on behind you but the car feels balanced, cultured, private-road worthy, smooth. The brakes too are as sharp as tacks. The sort of car you could imagine hurling deep, deep, deep into a corner before stamping on the brakes for a bronco-bucking stop before turning in.
Indeed, if I had managed to sort the gearing it might even have been comfortable to drive. As it was, I made a right prat of myself, but in a fun way of course.
Porsche GT3
Now this was nothing like the Ferrari. About as far away in feel as you can get. This was more like the racing cars I know - agricultural, basic with a gearbox made out of what felt like girders and railway sidings.
Thus, I instantly felt more comfortable. GT3 Cup racer Damien Faulkner was by my side to make sure I didn't kill the car, or him, and we proceeded to give the car some stick for a couple of laps.
Or rather I felt I was giving it stick. Mr Faulkner probably went back to the UK to prepare for an outing at Brands Hatch in a couple of weeks encouraged by the notion that he had seen the slowest man ever in a Porsche, so he must be good at his job.
Still it felt fast to me. Ploughing into Dunlop after a blast off the school loop, and stamping on the brakes and slamming the gearbox to third for the turn felt great. Jumping on the accelerator for the run back down the hill to Shell felt even better.
Slow as wet Wednesday, but with 390 bhp screaming in my ear I never felt like I was going so fast. A beast, and an unpredictable one, but beautiful nonetheless.
Arial Atom
The best though was reserved for last. I had seen Jeremy Clarkson wax lyrical about these on the telly but expected it to feel lightweight after the ultra-refined Ferrari and the grunting animalism of the Porsche.
But the only thing lightweight about the Atom was its weight: 450kgs but fitted with a 2-litre Honda engine straight out of a Type R Integra. That's a better power to weight ratio than the Ferrari.
And oh lord, what a machine. Nimble enough to join the Kirov Ballet.
Poised enough to make a supermodel look oafish. Quick enough to outfox me.
I admit, I spun it. Not badly, just too much juice on the exit of the long left-hander before the run-up to Dunlop. Prior to that though, this was the most fun I've ever had in a fast car.
There's so much power you never feel like the car will run out of legs.
It's supple like a go-kart, though there's so much go in reserve you're always in danger of carrying too much speed into corners. And you must get on the gas early and hard. I was too reticent. It demanded the worst kind of thrashing and all I could manage was a gentle slap. A seriously fun car. Another 10 laps please?