I'm sorry to be banging on about this, really I am. Between you and me, I'd rather sift through my own ashes than reams of Budget figures. But I can't help myself, writes Kilian Doyle
This latest smokescreen, if you'll excuse the term, of increasing road tax as a means to stop us idiot humans from killing the planet has me riled.
We are sensible folk, you and I. Therefore, we can agree on this - charging a few quid more in road tax is about as likely to change people's practices as I am to join Opus Dei. And well they know it.
I had great hopes the Government would ride the environmental wave with this budget. But they've chickened out. Contrary to what they'd have you believe, there's nothing brave or radical about increasing road tax.
All they are doing is taxing ownership rather than use. A bit like making it illegal to own a gun but legal to shoot people.
In any other civilised country, those responsible for the mess would be publicly hung, drawn and quartered, their demises broadcast live on the internet as a deterrent to other wannabe tinpot twits. Here, they get re-elected to award themselves pay rises.
Grr. I know. I'm ranting. I'm tetchier than a crack-addicted pitbull in an iron maiden today. Frustration will do that to a man.
To give him his due, John Gormley has promised to introduce a carbon levy. Eventually. But you can bet that when he feebly tried to push that notion on to the Cabinet table, he was told to go and stand in the corner and think about what he'd just said. Still, he managed to squeeze through revamped Vehicle Registration Tax (VRT) rates, so there is hope.
But if the Government really had any guts or backbone, they'd tax fuel.
So why don't they? Because the Fianna Fáil party is terrified such a move would elicit a massive backlash from both the public and the haulage, private bus and taxi sectors alike.
Of course, bumping up fuel prices won't just affect motorists. Don't think that just because you don't drive a car you aren't using fuel. Turkeys don't fly themselves to the shops in December, you know. Avocados don't swim here from Mexico; newspapers don't materialise out of thin air into your newsagents; houses don't heat themselves. It all takes fuel.
Obviously, in an ideal world, we'd be entirely self-sufficient. But that's not an option for the vast majority. So, we'll all have to make sacrifices. You can't just point the finger at SUVs. Or classic cars. More expensive fuel it is. The idea is that everyone will eventually get so fed up paying huge prices for everything they'll cop on and change their behaviour accordingly.
No more hopping into the car to drive 300 metres to the shops to buy strawberries in December. It may take a while and cause the Government to collapse at least once. But I'm prepared to take that risk. Aren't you?
Finally, I'm a bit wary about this rush to get us all to drive diesels. Diesel engines indisputably use less fuel. Which is a good thing, I suppose, even if all it's doing is putting off the day when we run out of the stuff. An efficient diesel engine also produces less carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide and hydrocarbons than an equivalent-sized petrol lump.
The problem is that they emit more particulates, which cause respiratory and health problems among humanfolk. To put it simply - petrol engines are choking the earth while diesel engines are choking us. Frying pans and fires, eh?
Right, rant over. I'm off to the motor factors to buy wax for my vintage Beemer, the one that guzzles petrol as if it's going out of fashion, emitting as much noxious gunk as a small Chinese factory in the process.
That is, it would do, if I could afford to drive it anywhere. As it is, the poor yoke is little more than an expensively maintained ornament, a testament to my hypocrisy.