Eating out:Most mornings I wake up to the Today programme on BBC Radio 4. Shortly afterwards I transfer to Morning Ireland, on RTÉ Radio 1. As this is the holiday season in broadcasting, John Humphrys has been replaced by Evan Davis on Today, and I saw a radio review the other day that suggests Davis is rather more in touch with the modern world than Humphrys. It stated, for example, that the younger broadcaster would be more familiar with nipple piercing, which is possibly true.
It set me thinking. As a commentator in a national newspaper, would I be more of a Humphrys or a Davis? Neither, I decided. They sound quite awake before 8am, while I am as silent as the tomb, even when technically awake. But as to nipple piercing . . .
Language is another matter. I asked someone recently what they thought of Out of the Blue, a seafood restaurant in Dingle, Co Kerry, and she said she thought that "they are a bit up themselves".
When I relayed this to a very slightly older friend I was met by a blank expression. "What on earth does that mean?" It means they are a bit up themselves. Oh, hell . . . It means they take themselves rather seriously. It is not a compliment.
Some restaurant people achieve up-themselvesness, others have it thrust upon them in the form of reviews by the likes of me. I think, perhaps, that the people I encountered at Out of the Blue have had it thrust upon them, but I may be wrong. They may have been like this all along.
It's good when a restaurant states boldly that all the fish is fresh and not frozen. The average consumer would be horrified to know how much restaurant seafood arrives encased in ice.
It can be good when a restaurant states proudly that it doesn't do chips, but only when this is an acknowledgment that chips are, essentially, very hard to do right, if not actually an art form.
It's a different matter when this message comes across as, if you will forgive the expression, "Up yours".
Or "We don't want any plebs in here."
Out of the Blue uses these mission statements, and how we choose to interpret them is up to us, on the basis of our experience there.
I had a slight sensation that customers were a bit of a nuisance. And I've no doubt that we are.
When I asked if I could have two oysters instead of the usual six - just as a little amuse bouche - I was greeted by eyebrows so arched they resembled the McDonald's logo. Eventually, I was allowed to have three because - and I was so relieved to hear this, especially as someone who could have been spending money in any number of restaurants at the time - this configuration would make the bill easier to calculate.
The oysters were fine. Maybe they even tasted better because I had to fight to get them. Then came some cracked crab claws in garlic butter, which were not so fine, in that much of the flesh adhered to the inside of the shell (which suggests overcooking to me), and I ended up in a fine mess that the single paper napkin offered with the finger bowl was not quite capable of absorbing.
Grilled lobster followed - along with some very odd and not entirely delightful dollops of salad - which was very good indeed. A purist might have considered it a teensy weensy bit overdone, but, contrary to popular belief, I'm fairly easy to please.
There was a distinct sense, throughout, that Out of the Blue considers itself to be a beacon of civilisation in a sea of savagery.
Service was never actually rude, of course. You don't have to be rude to make people feel, oh, you know, just very slightly uncomfortable.
I'm still astonished that I added a fiver (service is not included) to the rather steep bill of €68.50. Very steep, considering that I had drunk one glass of house wine and some mineral water.
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WINE CHOICE:My glass of Cuvée Orelie, at €5.50 (or €19.50 for a bottle), is a pleasant, crisp southern French white. Sauvignon Blanc À Notre Façon (€28.50) is deliciously yeasty. Max Ferdinand Richter's Riesling has a touch of sweetness to counter the zingy acidity. Domaine Talmard Mâcon-Uchizy (€33) is an old favourite. Château Court-les-Muts, a white Bergerac with whopping fruit and lots of oak, is probably the best buy, at €35. If you want a red, the Ardeche Merlot (€19.50/€5.50 per glass) is a chunky wine with a bit of attitude, but the Pinot Noir from the same stable is a better buy at €22/€6 a glass. Château Court-les-Muts Saussignac - Sauternes in all but name - is a steal at €3.50 a glass.