CYBER SORTER:This week our social media agony aunt confronts online insults and real-life isolation
Dear Cyber Sorter,
A complete stranger on Twitter sent me a rude reply (he called me a gobshite) to a general question I had tweeted. I use my Twitter account for work research as well as general chit-chat.
At first I thought it was a bot but I checked his profile and saw he had been following me for a while and was friends with some of my friends.
It’s really got under my skin. One of my other followers, a true friend, sent him a tweet back telling him he was the gobshite, but I’m embarrassed. Everyone’s obviously read it.
I blocked the rude tweeter but I keep dreaming about a better revenge. I want to humiliate him like he did me.
RM
Dear RM,
It always comes as a nasty shock if someone says something snide in the supermarket or mean in the dry cleaners. It’s still mercifully rare for strangers to say horrible things in public, but when you consider all the rude things that have passed through your head when among the general public and then consider how much easier it is to release those thoughts when you don’t have to face the shocked, hurt look on someone else’s face, it’s not surprising that it happens more easily on Twitter.
If your overall experience with Twitter is good, and you obviously have good friends there, then it’s best just to write him off as an unusually stupid tweeter.
The best revenge, according to common wisdom and George Herbert, is to live well . . . and in your case tweet back a carefully chosen cuss before blocking. Don’t let him dent your confidence. Mostly these types are living in their own ultra-arrogant heads and rarely get challenged. When they do, they often back down very fast.
Dear Cyber Sorter,
I’m worried about my friend (28). She’s a quiet person and keeps a lot to herself. Lately she has been staying in more and often won’t answer the phone. She seems depressed.
She’s not on Facebook or Twitter and I thought it might help her to be more in touch with people.
However, I read that it can make you lonelier.
Which is it?
AM
Dear AM,
Last December the Samaritans did a study in the UK that suggested heavy use of Facebook and Twitter could make people lonelier. They also noted that 21 per cent of 18- to 24-year-olds listed loneliness as their main worry compared to only 8 per cent of over 55s.
However, if used sensibly, to stay in touch and make plans to meet up, then social media are a great way to keep up with what’s going on and what’s happening with your friends.
There are also good mental health resources on Facebook and online, such as ReachOut.com and aware.ie.
By the sounds of it your friend could really use a few visits and encouragement to get out and see her real friends and renew those bonds.
Once she’s out more and building on her friendships it might be the right time to invite her online.