Whatever you decide to dress up as this Halloween, there are a few simple rules: be creative, avoid tired cliches and never, ever dress up as Borat. Rosemary Mac Cabeoffers some tips for clever costumes and a few to be avoided
Costumes for women
DO
PRINCESS LEIA
The honest truth is that this costume will turn you, instantly, into a man magnet. These men may be Star Wars nuts, and perhaps slightly on the geeky side, but there’s a lot to be said for having a defined target market.
TIPPI HEDREN
This is the gourmet pesto of Halloween costumes. It shows you appreciate the classics, but are not afraid to get your hands a little dirty. Bonus points for little crows on wires hanging from your head.
A RUBIK’S CUBE
There is always extra respect to be gained from being creative. Fashion yours from cardboard and felt squares, then challenge people to do you “in less than a minute like that Chinese child on YouTube”. Or not.
DON’T
A BABY
An absolute no-no, unless you’re 5ft tall and making a joke about your height, which could be hilarious. For anyone else, babygros with buttons on the behind are unacceptable.
A SEXY BEE
This can be extended to any kind of unlikely sexy costume, because the fact is, you shouldn’t want to make an insect sexy. Or a care worker. Or a waitress. And so on.
MARILYN MONROE
She’s not scary, the hair is really difficult to do (said from experience), and it’s now a step below unoriginal. You may as well just go as Madonna and be done with it.
Costumes for men
DO
RON BURGUNDY
Slick 1970s suit? Check. Full head of side-parted hair? Check. A chance to debut your Movember growth? Check. Furthermore, you get to be horrendously sexist all night and claim you’re “in character”.
THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN
This is cool, because it doesn’t matter what your face looks like and you get to carry around a severed head, that you can then throw at people who are holding more than one drink. Win-win.
ON-STRIKE NUDIST
What’s that, you think I’m just wearing my own clothes? Na-ah, I’m making like the French and striking against my choice to be a nudist. What’s scary about this genius costume idea is what it suggests about your clothing the rest of the year.
DON’T
BORAT
Dressing up as Borat, we all know, means one thing and one thing only: a green unitard. No one needs to see it, and must we be the voice of reason and remind you that you will catch your death?
GARY GLITTER
Because there are no obvious ways to illustrate this character, and the not-so-obvious ways don’t bear thinking about. Just stay in, instead.
JIMI HENDRIX
Just because you have an afro wig doesn’t mean you should wear it. Also, why do you own an afro wig? Are you some kind of racist or a 1970s wedding band member?
Costumes for boys
DO
DAMIEN FROM ‘THE OMEN’
Because you know it’s what half of your friends and relatives are already thinking.
MINI ME
You might have trouble convincing your five-year-old to go as a character from a movie he’s probably never seen and definitely doesn’t understand, but just think of the kudos from your friends and family
KARL LAGERFELD
All you have to do is spray his hair white, dress him in black from head-to-toe and stick a cigarette in his mouth. On second thoughts . . .
DON’T
CRUZ BECKHAM
Unless he can breakdance, there’s just no point. No one will get it, and will just deride you for his Ralph Lauren jeans and gelled quiff.
THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE
It doesn’t matter if it’s his favourite cartoon in the whole wide world, your child needs to learn that this is not a democracy, and Halloween is about being frightening.
WAYNE ROONEY
See above: it doesn’t matter if Wayne Rooney is your child’s favourite footballer, this will go down in history as the worst timed case of hero worship ever. And he will never forgive you.
Costumes for girls
DO
THE TWINS FROM ‘THE SHINING’
This will obviously work only if you have twin girls, but think how terrifying they’ll be. And they won’t even realise why, so preoccupied will they be with their matching dresses.
A DISNEY PRINCESS
We all know the arguments against allowing children to identify with hapless female anti-heroines in Disney cartoons, but these costumes are all ridiculously cute and your daughter will love you for at least a day for it.
BATGIRL
It’s an oldie but a goodie. Your child will appreciate the animal aspects (bat ears, anyone?) and you can feel superior about dressing her up as a powerful superhero, and not a witch like everyone else.
DON’T
CHERYL COLE
Your little girl is too young to need to fight for any kind of love, and false eyelashes are for grown-ups. The end.
A DOLL
There are certain things that a woman, no matter what the age, should never have to dress up as. Let her play with her dolls; but remember she’s not one of them.
HIT GIRL FROM ‘KICK-ASS’
Because the only thing more frightening than a young girl with a gun (even if it’s a fake one) is a young girl who’s not quite sure why she’s holding the gun, or even why she’s wearing a purple eye mask and a cape. Age-appropriateness, people.
