The World Cup starts today, to the delight of many millions around the world, but ROSITA BOLANDis not one of them. She outlines her reasons for hating the tournament and speaks to others who dread the prospect of a month of World Cup tedium
OH GOD, the World Cup. Not again. It’s only 10 minutes since the last one. Who won last time? France, wasn’t it? Am I interested? Here’s a clue. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Is it over yet? Oh that’s right, how could I have forgotten, it goes on for several years.
Call me Ishmael.
Call me grumpy.
Call me barbarian.
The World Cup is about to buzz like a unkillable bluebottle in my head for the next month. What do I least like about it? The endless punditry after each match. At least the footballers do something. The pundits just pundit in a studio. There are long periods in my life when I’ve never had a television in my house, but unfortunately, this is not one of them. My head is exploding already.
There is one thing I like about the World Cup, though. I love the fact that it is one of the few truly global events that collectively engage so many people in real time. Billions are watching each match. That’s frankly awesome. However, it’s still not quite awesome enough to make me want to actually watch any of the matches myself – ever.
But at least it appears I’m not on my own . . .
The footie phobes speak
Morgan C Jones,
Actor and satirist, Drumcondra, Dublin
I’m not a football fan; I’m more of a politics nerd – that’s always been my sport. I had four older brothers growing up and always had them to tell me how bad at sport I was, so that put me off.
I hate the World Cup because it’s on all the bloody time. I always feel like I missed that day in school when they explained the rules of football. What I can’t understand about football is why everyone doesn’t get a chance to shoot for goal. If it was your kids, they’d all get a go.
My plan for the next few weeks is that I’m going to get a load of DVDs in; I’m going to start working on the next great Irish novel again; and I’m going to paint my house – whether it needs it or not. Without being too gender-ist about it, me hating football is a real bonus for my wife. She doesn’t have to put up with me watching it all the time. In fact, she’s safe from all sports.
Even if Ireland were in it, I wouldn’t be watching.
Although, oddly, I was really affronted after the Thierry Henry thing. I can understand it was a pathetic request, trying to get a rematch, but as an Irishman, I was angry.
Who won last time? Was it Jupiter?
Peter Donegan
Gardener, north Dublin
What annoys me most about the World Cup is how the BBC coverage never shuts up about England. They keep harking back to 1966.
It doesn’t matter to me who wins the World Cup. I have no interest at all. Besides, Ireland isn’t in it this time. It’s like the GAA: if Dublin was playing, I’d have some interest in watching that match, but as it is, since we’re not in the World Cup, it’s as if Longford or Kerry were playing. I mean, who the heck wants to watch Uruguay and Ghana?
What I don’t understand is, who has the time to watch four matches a day, especially with a new baby in the house, like I have? I’d be separated and back in rented accommodation if I was doing that.
I don’t see any man in the real world with a job and wife being able to jack in the job and watch the equivalent of Big Brother hours of television for a month.
Who won last time? I’m guessing. Italy?
Pamela Fitzmaurice
Owner of Blazing Salads, Dublin
I hate football. It can cause friction at World Cup time, because I can be quite assertive. If I’m at home, I’d have no problem turning the TV off during a match, which makes people lose their minds. I just say: “go down the pub and watch it there”.
My flatmate is a World Cup fanatic, and I’ve asked him to get his own TV. He was a little bit shocked, but he’ll agree.
The fact that someone would stay in for the whole day watching the box is completely alien to me, especially for countries they don’t even care about. Why would you do that? Why would you miss your sleep by staying up all night to watch matches at ridiculous times? That’s crazy.
I just don’t understand the mindset of someone watching all that football – and then they get into a bad mood if their team loses! To get away from it all, I’ve booked myself into salsa classes for six weeks. I’ll be concentrating on my business, doing yoga and salsa, and going out at weekends. I have my weeks booked up and organised, so I will not have to watch a single World Cup match.
Who won last time? Brazil.
Allan Cavanagh
Cartoonist, Galway
The World Cup. I get a sense of impending dread at the first mention of it. It is ultimately 22 men
kicking a piece of leather up and down a field and an awful lot of people getting excited about it for whatever reason. Sports leaves me cold. I was always the kid who was picked last for the football team so I think that might have sent me in other directions in terms of interest.
There is this herd mentality to football, and I don’t like that. I don’t like being carried along in a crowd. I like to do my own thing.
What’s awful about the World Cup is that it’s utter saturation: everything from dodgy mascots to a faux feelgood factor. It’s the ubiquity of it. I’m thinking not only of taking the plug off the TV, but getting rid of the electricity too. Football is a killer of conversation in the pubs.
For the duration of the World Cup, I’m going to wrap myself up in blankets and read books, maybe have a flask of tea nearby.
If Ireland were in it this time, that would have absolutely no affect on me. Roy Keane is the only name I know in Irish football. There was an incident in Japan at one World Cup, I think? I never really picked up on the finer details.
Who won last time? I have no idea.
Róisín Conlan
Mother, Marino, Dublin
I don’t like football. In fact, I wouldn’t be a sports fan in general. I find it very uncomfortable to watch – I get very panicky and it’s just not worth it. It’s very monotonous, kicking a ball from one end of the the pitch to the other.
What I hate about the World Cup is that no woman is going to have have any attention from any males in this country for the next few weeks. Texts will be ignored. Dates will be cancelled. Plans will be changed. I will get aggravated by all the hype. Every conversation is going to be taken up with football.
I honestly wouldnt be any more interested if Ireland was in it, although there might be a nicer mood in the country, I suppose – for a while anyway, until we lost.
What I really hate about the World Cup is the whole thing of Ireland rooting for any team other than England. If I had to root for a team, it would be England.
Who won last time? Italy? I haven’t a clue.
