A new study says sharing housework is the cornerstone of marital stability. Only if you're partner recognises your contribution, writes BRIAN O'CONNELL
FORGET ROSES and candlelight dinners, married bliss is all down to rubber gloves and school runs it seems. A study this week found that men who pull their weight around the house make for longer marriages. The research, by the London School of Economics, looked at 3,500 British couples, and found that in relationships where women worked and men failed to share work at home, divorce was 97 per cent more likely.
In fact, the study showed that a husband’s contributions to childcare and housework helped stabilise a marriage regardless of a partner’s work situation. Author of the study, Dr Sigle-Rushton, says the results undermine traditional assumptions linking female employment and divorce. “The results suggest the risk of divorce among working mothers, while greater, is substantially reduced when fathers contribute more to housework and childcare,” she said. The report may also shift the emphasis in terms of research into marital breakdown away from paid work and into the more mundane aspects of married life. “In economic and sociological research, there has been too great an emphasis on women’s paid work and not enough attention given to the division of unpaid work,” Dr Sigle-Rushton said.
Relationship counsellor Lisa O’Hara points out that it’s not so much the physical activity in terms of housework and child-minding that counts, as the feeling participating equally in these chores can invoke. “It would seem that women like sharing and feel closer to their partner when they are sharing the task. A husband’s willingness to share the load in terms of housework and childcare is more likely to invoke warm feelings of love toward him,” she says. If the report is to be accepted, the division of unpaid work in a marital home has much more significance to the longevity of a marriage than previously thought. So, in theory, the more equal this division, the longer the marriage should last.
Here, three married couples give their views on how housework fits in with married life.
URSULA EARLEY AND AIDAN MULCAHY
Ursula: Nothing incenses a person in a marriage more than the feeling that they are doing more than their share of the housework. In some marriages there are very clear divisions. In ours, we both would say we have the bigger share! We tried to do a list once. It didn't work. We eventually said, 'let's stop fighting and let's get a housekeeper!' We hardly ever fight now.
Aidan: Our house is a bit of a mess. The only time it is properly cleaned is when someone comes in and cleans it! We came to the point when we thought 'we both work and we're both tired in the evening'. I don't expect Ursula to do it and she doesn't expect me to do it, and it works out fine. Irish men are spoilt by their mammies and most are completely useless around the house.
SUZANNE AND GORDON LINDSAY
Suzanne: We both work so we share child-minding and housework. I work evenings, so my husband puts the kids to bed. It has to be half and half, as it wouldn't work any other way. I know of one or two cases where women work and carry loads of the household work too. They are under enormous stress.
Gordon: Some men will try their best to do as little as possible. I wouldn't feel right even if I could get Suzanne to do all the work! Suzanne cooks the dinner and I'll clean up. Suzanne goes to bed early enough so I have the evening free. I can then clean at my leisure.
DEIRDRE WALDRON AND GREG CANTY
Deirdre: In terms of housework, he does more than me, not that I would ever admit that to him! When I met him first I knew he was really neat and I'm not. So he'll do ironing and hoovering, and I'm good at surface cleaning and loading the dishwasher. Some evening if he is tired, I will cook and I know that he will do the same for me.
Greg: We are both working so we both do the housework. You tend to gravitate towards roles. While I do the hoovering, Deirdre is better with the cloth and polishing. I'll do anything except putting on rubber gloves. Having said that, I just couldn't sit down and watch her clean and not participate.