Orna Mulcahy on people we all know: Of course one likes to do what one can for Vietnamese orphans, which in Melissa's case means fetching up at the Four Seasons for a gala ball complete with tombola, slave auction and dancing until 1 am, followed by cocktails in the Ice Bar.
It's a very good cause, and they were delighted to be asked, but what a nightmare it was getting ready! Now that she sees what everyone else is wearing, her black beady dress would have been just fine, even if it is missing a few beads. Instead she went on a panic-buying spree yesterday and bought a dress that looked amazing in the hallucinogenic heat of the changing room, but God it's tight. She feels like a big old Toulouse sausage trying to get out of its skin, and that's with the firm-control contraption from Marks that goes right down over the thighs, pushing the fat out around the knees.
Looking down at the delta that is her cleavage, she wonders where those lines have come from all of a sudden. As for the marabou wrap, wisps of it keep going up her nose and sticking to her lip gloss, so that's another €90 that could have gone to the orphans, because she's never wearing it again. The whole thing is a bit of a fiasco, but she's not the only one . . . That orange dress over there is hideous, and, really, Clodagh has gotten so thin her face has sort of caved in. She looks 100!
Still, the table is gorgeous - it's amazing what they can do with dried grasses in flower arrangements - and she had better not touch those chocolates in front her. Maybe better to put them in her handbag - for the children, of course. Unfortunately, table 28 is in a bit of a corner, and one couple hasn't even shown up (she snaffles their chocolates, too), but it's very interesting to meet Peter, on her left, who has a software business in eastern Europe that is raking in the venture capital, though, personally, she wouldn't give him a bob, the shifty way he keeps looking around for people to collar. But it saves her from talking to Loman, on her right, who's a crashing bore with terrible teeth.
Melissa tries to toy with her food, to suggest a birdlike appetite, but really it's too good, so to hell with that and pass the bread rolls. Then what a lot of speeches! And a video of the poor orphans, which Melissa thinks is a bit off-putting while they're still eating, although it does make people bid like lunatics at the auction. She waves her hand several times for a whole series of things but, luckily, doesn't get any of them. As for the tombola, it's very annoying: boring old Loman gets a weekend for two at Sheen Falls Lodge, while she gets a voucher for Botox. She'd never let anyone near her face, but maybe they do cleavages.