GO SINGLES:Heading away with other unattached people is a great way to find your ideal partner, right? Er, no, writes David McKechnie, whose singles holiday wasn't all he imagined
THE ASSIGNMENT provoked mirth and envy among friends and colleagues: to spend a week free of charge at a five-star boutique hotel in Turkey on a singles holiday in which promiscuousness was virtually a given. Easy singles, some said. Sleazy singles. Bodrum, the guidebook held in trembling hands suggested, was the "bedroom of the Mediterranean". If you have an early night here, nudge nudge, it will not be alone.
When the titillation subsides, it is fair to say, for a singles first-timer a certain tension remains between hopes for a restorative holiday romance and fears that one may be about to spend a week at close quarters with multiple personality disorders. For a start, it could be supposed that people who holiday alone are generally those with whom nobody else will go. It might also be assumed that they are painfully reserved types who require the electricity of organised group activity to jolt a few words from their mouths. It might be conjectured that such singles lack an intrepid streak - numerous adventure holidays these days bring solo travellers together in more strenuous, but less forced, circumstances.
Of course, the brochure of the company concerned, Antrim-based Friendship Travel, insisted it was not "a dating agency". It merely provides a service "for single people who don't want to travel alone" and could not be better suited to those who are "open to meeting other interesting people". The age group targeted was 25-plus, with no upper limit - feverish thoughts en route to the airport veered between images of an army of lonely and beautiful females reclining on sunbeds and of a multitude of creaking pensioners in rocking chairs placed in the shade.
It is day five out of seven and forthright Ursula, a veteran of the singles-holiday scene in her mid-40s from the English Midlands, is reeling off a litany of wisdom learned and practised over six years in the singles saddle - much of it about the folly of such expectations. For instance, the worst thing you can do on these trips, Ursula says almost mockingly, is to think you'll meet the love of your life. "You're more likely to have a fling with a waiter," she sniffs.
Sure enough, as far as everyone is aware, there have been no bedroom gymnastics to set tongues wagging. And everyone is very much aware: by now it is clear that it would be virtually impossible to escape the sophisticated intercourse-detection radars of singles-holiday regulars. As handsome first-timer Nigel put it, only half-jokingly: "Everyone's watching out. You daren't make a move on anyone."
The only intimate moment most can recall was when a bloody napkin appeared on the dinner table one evening after elderly Edith nicked her leg on a sunbed on the way back from the toilets.
For the four men in this group, two of whom are about 60, the week had begun with the tantalising news that 11 women would be present. This was not an unusual split, we were told.
Most of the women were larger than life: independent, smart and outgoing types whose decision to travel with other singles plainly did not reflect an inability to make friends.
Some, like witty Ali from south Wales, said they preferred the freedom of sparking off new company to holidaying with the same old faces. Others, for a variety of reasons, had no one to go away with. Many said they would travel alone by day but wanted someone to chew the fat with over dinner in the evenings. Of course, whether they said so or not, a few held out hopes of a thrilling liaison.
If there was a weakness to this group, as experienced singles traveller Linda suggested, it was arguably that the women - aged, on average, in their late 40s - were a little too chatty. "Some of these ladies talk so much," she said. "You'd wonder, how could any man put up with that?"
It seemed a mild complaint, but there were potentially serious consequences - it was a wonder that no man was badly injured over the course of the week in the intensity of the crossfire during conversations about cats. Emma, for instance, had deposited her pride and joy at a plush cat hotel back in Nottingham. We nodded our heads in sympathy and thought about the European Championship.
The travel company had predictably made the first move of the week by getting everyone together over a few drinks. However, this much-touted crawl - "the Nightshift" - of the "hottest bars" in the charming nearby fishing town of Yalikavak turned out to be nothing more than a civilised visit to a small selection of awful watering holes, in the last of which an old gent in another group brutalised Engelbert Humperdinck's Please Release Me in a karaoke set reminiscent of a regretted evening on a Blackpool pier.
Friendship Travel incongruously provided a T-shirt with the legend "I've survived an FT Nightshift!" for all who participated in the ice-breaker. Genuine party animals or would-be Romeos might have chosen a different message: "What the hell am I doing here?"
To be fair to the travel company, this attempt to portray a gathering of mature adults as a wild affair of 18-30s wickedness was a rare mis-step.
More typical was a fun visit to a Turkish baths earlier that day, a more novel and organic setting for people to get acquainted. Other sideshows for those wishing to escape the poolside or the majority of their new-found buddies included a marathon day trip to the Roman ruins at Ephesus and a laid-back boat ride on the Aegean.
Independent types, such as Stef from London, an Arsenal season-ticket holder of 39 years, eliminated any danger of claustrophobia by taking the local bus into town most mornings to potter about.
Otherwise, for the majority, the days settled into a relaxing pattern of lounging in the beautiful 4reasons hotel, high in the hills above Yalikavak among gardens and tangerine groves, and the nights into one of high-class cocktails, fine dining as a group and, for the slightly more adventurous, some late-night drinks in sleepy Yalikavak's unremarkable bars. Bodrum - the "bedroom" - was half an hour by taxi from our hotel.
For some time this carry-on was enough to drive the journalist in his early 30s demented as it dawned on him that he was the wrong age and disposition to appreciate the pleasures on offer. This was clearly a holiday best enjoyed by those seeking a slice of the good life and pleasant company - roughly late 30s and upwards. An 83-year-old man on a previous trip, Ali recalled, was "the life and soul".
The merits of the singles formula for the right bracket were plain, however: many here were singles regulars - repeat offenders, as it were - who had already booked their next trips and had tried out a range of other UK-based singles companies, some with names that served as stark reminders of the singles predicament: Solos, TravelOne, JustYou and - no kidding - Solitair. Meanwhile, singles novices such as Nigel had enjoyed this experience. He said he would gladly do it again.
Despite the unstated disappointment about the lack of romance, most reported witnessing at least a fling or two on previous singles holidays, experiences that were surely subliminal incentives for some who keep coming back.
"When I went last year there was a lot of pairing up; by the second week I think they'd all shagged someone," recalled Linda, who is married 27 years and was only here for the company.
Ali remembered a "very nice" affair she once had in similar surroundings, though it paled in comparison with the intensity of a fling she witnessed on a singles trip in the Dominican Republic. "They were full-on at the dinner table from day one," she said. "When the guy turned up late for dinner on day two the girl was like, 'What time do you call this?' By day three they'd split up."